Time Won't Let Me Go
by EMHW.Bear
Summary: Jacob Black, an Olympic boxing hopeful, dreams to be great. Bella Swan, a lifetime romantic, dreams to be his. When an unexpected tragedy occurs, everyone close to them is left pondering the outcome.
1. Prologue

**A/N** _First and foremost, I would like to give a special thanks to Pemberly Rose, author of Life in Technicolor, for being the wonderful beta that she is, and Project Team Beta for their fine tuning. This particular story was inspired by a friend of mine, very much like my Jacob character. The situations are intended to be relatively relatable, true to life so to speak. The story is told mainly from Bella and Jacob's POV's, but other characters will share their POV's to shed light on the situations. Thank you for taking the time to read. Enjoy!_

**Time Won't Let Me Go**

**Rating:** T  
**Featuring:** Bella & Jacob, along with Seth, Leah, Jasper, Emmett, Edward, Alice, Rosalie & the entire cast of _**Stephenie Meyer's**__ Twilight Saga characters_. No copyright infringement is intended.

**All Human – AU**

Jacob Black, an Olympic boxing hopeful, dreams to be great. Bella Swan, a lifetime romantic, dreams to be his. After an unexpected tragedy occurs, everyone close to them is left pondering the outcome. Starts at the awkward ages of preteens & follows through to young adulthood.

**Prologue**

I gathered every bead and stone that lay scattered on the hardwood floor to re-string them, acknowledging just how precious the anklet had become to me. I wore it every day. When I was all alone, I'd often discover it in my hand, held captive, and thoroughly entranced in the memories it roused.

Who knows how many times I caught myself doing that?

It didn't hold any monetary value. The cost of it was cheap, if not entirely free. Sentimentally, however, it meant the world to me. I caressed my fingers over a shiny Labradorite gemstone. The way the light refracted from it caused a fluctuation of several different colors as ever-changing as the emotions that swirled within me whenever he entered my mind.

Slight variations in the gemstone's shapes, and the sizes, made the anklet much more attractive. Unique in splendor, each and every precious piece united accordingly, and brought an individual beauty to the delicate string of jewelry.

The dark green seed beads spaced between each stone greatly outnumbered the significant gems. They were far more petite than the polished rocks, plain, and plentiful like the days we'd spent apart. The anklet wouldn't be the same without them.

I wondered how wide of a beaded space I should leave between the stones. I'd have to count each individual bead, and divide them evenly, if I wanted it to be perfect.

Did it really need to be perfect though? Life isn't perfect. That's what the anklet had become to me: a representation, a reminder of certain events in my life. Special memories separated by large spaces of time. Wonderful moments, I shared with him while we grew up. I relished them all, no matter how small or imperfect they may have been.

Lifting the first gemstone, I recalled the day we met as I carefully threaded it onto the strand of twined sinew.

_Hired as the new Forks Sheriff, my father, Charles Swan, moved my mother, Renee, my two brothers, Emmett and Jasper, and me, Bella Swan into a small white house on the outskirts_ of town_- the summer before I entered the seventh grade._

_In the three short weeks we'd been there, I'd rearranged the smaller of the two upstairs bedrooms umpteenth times trying to find some comfort and stability in our new home. I was determined to see the room as mine. Working to get it right, I hummed along with the radio music which had me in an upbeat mood._

_A loud, unexpected knock at the front door excited me, and knowing Jasper and Emmett had ventured into town, I raced down the stairs to answer it, yelling, "I got it, Mom!"_

_"What?" she hollered. "Did you say something, Hon?"_

_I swung open the door and my knees turned to Jell-O. The cutest, most handsome boy I had ever seen in my entire life - a dark haired, dark eyed, bronze skinned angel - stood gloriously before my eyes, holding a football in his hand. I gulped._

_"Is Emmett home?" he asked in a low, husky voice._

_For some weird reason, my mouth disconnected from my brain, and nothing came out._

_The boy smiled. His lips appeared a little chapped and cracking. Fit, and built nicely for his age, his deep, brown eyes sparkled. He gruffly cleared his throat, and grinned with half his mouth. "Are you Emmett's sister?" he asked._

_Completely unable to gather my wits about me, I nodded my head up and down. I could just about imagine how idiotic I must have appeared to him at the time._

_"Well, ah… Is he here?"_

_"Oh…uh… Emmett, no he's not. He went into town to get some ice cream," I finally managed to stammer._

_"Yeah, I saw him there. I thought he'd be home by now. When he gets back, tell him I stopped by to see if he wanted to play some football with me and some of my friends. I live a few blocks down the street," he said, turning and pointing in the direction of his house, "that-a-way."_

_He stepped backwards down one of the steps. "The name's Jacob, by the way."_

_He smiled again, and my soul resonated with the most fantastic feeling, as if little bells had awakened my sleeping heart. I never felt that way before. I thought I would die from pure happiness. It was love at first sight, I was certain._

_After I closed the door, I sprinted up the stairs to look in the mirror. My thin white tank top had become full of dusty dirt and grime. I screamed out in horror. A snarly mess of tied up hair covered with icky lint, nested atop my head, fit for a rat._

_Ugly smudges of humidity, melted mascara - the only makeup I was allowed to wear at the time – darkened my eyes like a raccoon. I felt plain disgusting._

_Just my luck, I met the boy of my dreams and I looked awful. He would probably never, ever take another look in my direction again._

_Eager to find out more about the boy who took my breath away, I sat on the porch and waited for Emmett and Jasper to get home._

_As soon as they arrived, I mentioned - as casually as I was able - somebody named Jacob came by looking for Emmett to play football. I didn't notice Emmett's ripped and blood speckled shirt, right away._

_"Sh-," they said, putting their fingers to their lips. They motioned for me to follow them up the stairs._

_As soon as their bedroom door was shut, Jasper blurted, "Emmett was in a fight."_

_"A fight." I gasped in surprise._

_"Sh-Shut up, both of you. You're talking too loud; Mom will hear," Emmett scolded, through gritted teeth. "Dad will have a heart attack if he finds out."_

_"A fight?" I whispered. "With who? Tell me what happened!"_

_The two of them anxiously started whispering at the same time. I couldn't catch a word either of them said._

_"Shh… I'll tell it." Emmett glared, backhanding Jasper in the chest._

_"Owee, that hurt," Jasper whimpered._

_"On our way home we met up with two guys about my age. They started accusing Jasper of staring at 'em. No one was even looking at 'em either. They just wanted to fight," Emmett snarled. "We walked away but they followed us. Then the kid with the biggest mouth knocked Jasper's ice-cream cone out of his hand. I stepped in front of Jasper and pushed him away. He punched me in the stomach, and knocked the wind out of me. When I doubled over, he hit me in the face. The next thing I knew, we were rolling around on the ground fighting. I hit him in the nose as hard as I could, and his nose started bleeding. Then he got on top of me. I couldn't get him off. All I could do was cover up to protect my face."_

_"I tried to help," Jasper interjected, and frowned. "But the other guy grabbed me. I couldn't get loose. That's when Jake and another kid came over."_

_"Jake pulled the guy off me," Emmett said, "Of course, the mouthy guy wasn't happy about it. Pretty soon Jake and he were fighting. "_

_"You should have seen it, Bella," Jasper squealed excitedly, "it was just like a boxing match on TV."_

_"It really was." Emmett continued, "Jake ended up knocking the guy down. When he got back up, he started threatening all of us. But you could tell he didn't want to fight anymore. He knew he already lost."_

_"Who were those guys?"_

_"A bad kid, named Paul, and his friend Jared. I guess they always do stuff like this. Jake said Paul's nothing but a bully. They have a boxing club in La Push. But they're not supposed to be fighting out of the gym. If their coach finds out, they'll be kicked off the team."_

Emmett finally got around to telling me about Jacob. His full name was Jacob Black, and he was thirteen almost fourteen, like Emmett. He lived in La Push with his dad. Since his dad traveled a lot, he usually stayed in Forks with his Aunt Sue and Uncle Harry. The other kid was Jacob's cousin, Seth. He was the same age as Jasper, and he had a twin sister, named Leah.

We later found out that Charlie knew Seth's dad, Harry Clearwater. Harry also worked at the police station, as a dispatcher.

Jake and Seth introduced me to Leah a few days later, and the six of us became inseparable.

We did everything together. Whenever the sun shined, we hung out at the beach, the park, the swimming pool, hiked, had picnics, or rode bikes. When it poured rain, which was more often than not, we played board games, card games and video games, or simply watched TV.

By the end of the summer, we had become like a family. Leah was my best friend. The same went for Seth and Jasper, and Emmett and Jacob.

Everything was perfect, except I was secretly in love with Jacob Black, who unfortunately happened to be my brother's best friend. The more time I spent around Jacob, the more I fell in love with him.

He had this quality about him that made people look up to him, a natural born leader.

Jacob was a very talented boxer, the best on the team, as well as The Silver Glove State Champion in his weight class. His coach said he had enough potential to make boxing into a career.

Jacob boasted that someday he'd bring home an Olympic Gold Medal. Then turn into a professional championship boxer. Even the older boys around the two communities showed him a lot of respect. He was awesome, he was beautiful, and I loved him. I planned on marrying him when I got older. All would be right with the world if he were mine.

Jacob treated me like a sister. In some ways that was better than being treated like a girl. We could be "real" around each other, behave normally instead of putting on an act. Well, that wasn't entirely true; I always acted as if I didn't like him. But that was different.

During the school year, Jacob remained in La Push, and was rarely around on the weekdays. He stayed with the Clearwaters on most weekends, though, and I looked forward to every single one of them.

Jasper and Emmett joined Jacob's boxing club. They traveled to boxing matches with the team. The matches took place on Saturdays unless it was a tournament. In which case, it would be two days long, and they would be gone all weekend. I loved it when they didn't have to go to a match because then Jacob would come over.

I guarded my secret dearly, always careful not to show any unusual interest in Jacob. I was afraid if he found out I had a crush on him, he would stop talking to me, or stop hanging out at our house altogether.

And because Emmett was "big brotherly" protective of me around boys. My dad told him it was his job as an older brother to keep the boys away from me. I think Dad was only kidding when he said it, but he forgot to tell Emmett, hence, Emmett took the job seriously.

Emmett decided I was too young for a boyfriend. Mind you - I wasn't very far behind him in age. He especially didn't like the idea of me liking one of his friends which never happened until the moment I met Jacob.

My older brother's overprotective nature made him absolutely against the concept of Jake and me. He drew the line early on. I'm not sure if he came right out and told Jacob to stay away from me, or merely implied it. All I knew was that Jacob was acutely aware of how his best friend felt. Emmett made it perfectly clear to me and Jacob, both - one cold, wet November morning, the first winter we'd spent in Forks.

I threaded another glossy gemstone, and recognized _that_ particular day was when _our story_ truly began.


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

**_Bella_**

A couple months past my thirteenth birthday, I convinced my mom to let me wear more make-up. She taught me how to put it on just right, so it would accent my features without being too obvious. She told me that no daughter of hers would go around looking like a clown.

I was in my bedroom fixing my hair, and developing my new look to perfection. I had heard Emmett on the telephone, and I knew Jacob was on his way over. I wanted to see if Jake would notice anything different about me. The roar of cycles buzzed a vibration through my windows; I rushed to get my hair up and out of my face so I could saunter down to the living room before they left to wherever it was they were going.

A commotion of rattling wood, pounding feet, and squeaky floorboards announced Jacob's entry, and he and Seth's energy-laced voices sent me on my way. But just as I was shuffling down the steps, the door thudded closed. Sometimes the boys went fishing, dirt biking, or simply disappeared for the remainder of the day. My face crumpled with disappointment, fearing I missed the opportunity to see him and to capture his attention. "Where're they going?" I loudly asked my mom as I trudged into the warm and cozy, coffee- scented living room.

"Just outside, I think. They're working on Emmett's dirt bike. It won't start or something," she answered, lifting my level of excitement to where it had previously been.

I ran into the kitchen to grab some sodas from the fridge for them. I was looking for an excuse to see Jacob. I forgot how early it was and how frigid the mornings could be during the winter months.

Like a dummy, I went speeding out the door with an armful of Cokes.

As soon as I set foot on the slick, salted porch, my right leg slipped out from under me, I flew off the cement and hit the soggy damp ground. The gritty soil, dead grass, and leaves splattered around me. The sodas bounced out of my arms and rolled into the driveway. Jacob rushed to my side. "Bella are you all right?" he asked, grabbing my arms to lift me to my feet.

"I th-think so," I stammered.

Dirt covered my backside, my head, and the side of my face. Jacob reached out and wiped off my cheek. His hands were cold, but I felt my skin heat up where he had touched it. It was the first time I explored his eyes thoroughly. They were dreamy. His eyelashes seemed to flutter with a subtle hint of bashfulness as he held on to my gaze. His cheeks had a bit of a ruddy hue. I wasn't sure if it was a small blush or just color from the cold.

"Jeez, Bella, what's wrong with you?" Emmett yelled, shocking me out of a daze. Immersed in the connection, I had forgotten he and Seth were standing there.

Jake cleared his throat, and we turned to look at them. Fiery daggers were shooting at me from Emmett's blazing eyes, possibly shooting at Jacob too. I wasn't certain. It happened so fast.

"Why do you have to be so clumsy all the time? What are you doing out here bothering us anyway?" He scowled angrily.

"I thought you might be thirsty," I mumbled, looking down at the sodas.

"Are you crazy? It's freezing out here. What are you, an idiot?"

Emmett was always good-natured, comical, and fun to be around. His borderline cruel behavior took me completely by surprise. I felt myself get hot with embarrassment, a lump lodging in my throat. I couldn't say anything because if I did, they'd be able to hear the tears in my voice.

"I'll have one, I'm thirsty," Seth quietly said.

I turned from Emmett's angry face to Jacob's. His lips stretched into a thin, weak smile, and I could see the pity in his eyes. It was more humiliation than I could stand. I screamed at Emmett, "You're the idiot!"

I ran back inside the house and upstairs to my bedroom, slammed the door, and locked it.

Throwing myself on the bed, I started to cry from a mixture of anger and embarrassment. I never wanted to speak to Emmett again. And Jake could take that look of his and cram it. I didn't need him feeling sorry for me. I didn't care if I ever saw him again either.

About twenty minutes later, I heard the door slam and Emmett holler, "Mom, what's to eat?"

The bikes roared to life again. I stood up and peered out the window. Jacob and Seth were straddling them. I wondered if Jake thought I was an idiot too.

It seemed like he could hear my thoughts, because at that very moment, he looked up at my window. I almost tugged the curtain shut, but it was too late. He had already caught me, and he waved. Seth was looking up as well. I smiled and waved back at the two of them, deciding Emmett was the one I was never going to forgive.

Charlie and Jasper came home shortly after and breakfast was ready. My stomach was growling at the smell of buttery pancakes and sausage, but I was too mad to eat. _Who cares if I starve?_ I wasn't planning on coming out of the room for as long as Emmett lived. I turned my stereo up to drown out the shouting of my name.

Soon enough, I heard a quiet tapping at my door. "Who is it?" I growled.

"It's Mom. Open the door, Bella."

Renee was not one to be ignored. I immediately jumped up to open the door. Lo and behold, standing in the hallway with her was none other than the evil dungeon master, Emmett. "I'm not talking to him, Mom," I said, spinning around and flopping myself on the bed.

Renee walked straight over to my stereo, turning it off. "Emmett has something he wants to say to you."

"No way. He made me look like a fool in front of his friends. I would never do that to him. I'm not talking to him for as long as we live."

"I didn't make a fool out of you. You made a fool out of yourself," he grumbled, narrowing his eyes.

"Get out of my room!" I barked at the top of my lungs.

"Now Bella, he already told me what happened. He feels really bad about it and he wants to apologize. Don't you, Emmett?" She stated, her glare saying, _you better if you know what's good for you._

"Uh huh," he answered, scuffing his foot indiscreetly. He sat down at the foot of my bed.

"You don't have to talk Bella, but you do have to listen." She turned around and walked back out the door, softly closing it behind her.

Renee believed that if someone was strong enough to say they were sorry, the rest of us should be strong enough to listen and even stronger to forgive.

Emmett and I sat in silence for about three long minutes before he finally spoke. "I'm sorry, Bella," he sputtered as if he was trying to force air through a tiny straw. "Jake's my friend and… Do you like him or what?"

"No," I shot back sharply, "and what if I did? So what? What's it to you?

"You can't."

"Why? What's the big deal, anyway? He's a good guy. He's your best friend, isn't he?"

"It's because he _is_ my best friend that I don't want you to go out with him. I know things about him because of that. Things that make me think it's not such a good idea."

"Like what kinds of things?"

"I don't know… guy things." He paused, not wanting to explain at first, but then continued. "Like what he thinks about some girls and stuff. The way he talks. Not that I'm any better. What kinds of magazines he looks at. Well, we both do but that's not the point, Bella. He goes out with a lot of girls and doesn't really like any of 'em. Plus he's… let's just say, he knows what he's doing when it comes to girls. I don't want you to end up getting hurt, or violated."

I rolled my eyes as I laid there looking up at the ceiling.

"Besides, he doesn't like you."

"You asked him?" I screeched, sitting up. "You had no right."

"Yes I did, and I had every right," he fired back. "I didn't like the way he looked at you today. I wanted to make sure he knew that if he ever got any funny ideas, we wouldn't be friends anymore. He doesn't like me checking Leah out."

"You check Leah out?"

"I told you. It's a guy thing. Anyway, he said he only thinks of you as my younger sister and you're not even his type."

"He has a type?" He had a type already. That was a stunner. "Well, I never said I liked him. I just said what if I did. But I don't, so you can stop worrying about it."

"I'm sorry I yelled at you in front of them today. I promise I'll never do that again. Do you forgive me?"

"I suppose," I replied, faking a smile. I was still hurt and angry with him.

He stood up happily. "You know you're my favorite sister." He grinned and walked out the door.

"I'm your only sister," I mumbled as he shut it.

I wasn't in the mood to come out of my room to eat just yet. I laid on my bed thinking about what Emmett had told me.

On the plus side, I knew that Jake gave me a look. On the other side, I didn't know if it was an "appropriate" look. I was aware Emmett was only watching out for me and that he must have had a good reason for feeling the way he did. I couldn't help but consider just what kind of guy Jake really was.

Normal, I supposed, if he was just like Emmett. I sighed. No matter what anyone said, I would always be in love with Jacob Black.

There was another knock at the door, and Jasper walked in. "So, I heard Emmett psycho'd over nothin' this morning, huh?" He sat down on the exact same spot of the bed that Emmett had left, and grunted, "The big psycho."

"Did _he_ tell you about it, or did Mom?"

"Neither. I just got off the phone with Seth. He asked if you were okay. He said Emmett freaked out for no reason, and you were pretty upset. He said he felt sorry for you, and so did Jake."

"Yeah, Emmett got this crazy idea that I liked Jacob or something. He gave me the 'big brother lecture' about how Jake's not good for me and he doesn't want me to get hurt."

"That's dumb. I don't know what the problem is. My friends tell me how hot you are all the time. I wouldn't mind if you wanted to go out with one of them." He clenched both of his fists and hopped up and into his boxing stance. "Of course, I could knock any one of them out if they ever crossed the line. They all know it too."

"All your friends are nerds, Jazz. What do they know about crossing lines?"

"True that." He chuckled. "Anyway, Seth and Leah are on their way over. Jake got their ATV running, so we can all go riding today."

Although Emmett was hilarious, Jasper was the one who always made me feel better. He always seemed to know exactly what I needed to hear.


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

**_Jacob_**

Yep! Some loony juice was definitely in the water at the Swan residence.

The house practically shook from the hard bang of the door when Bella ran back inside. Emmett's craziness didn't stop there. "What's going on with you and my sister, Jake?" His eyes were screaming murder, and if I didn't know him better, I would have sworn he wanted to fight me.

"What?" I blurted, shocked at the accusation. "What the hell, Emmett?"

I couldn't for the life of me figure out why he was going off all of a sudden. One minute we were laughing and joking, same old, same old. And the next minute I felt like I was being ripped into.

"I saw that look you gave her."

"What look? You mean the one where I was relieved she wasn't actually hurt? She could have hit her head on the cement. People die that way." My blood started boiling, "and you did a lousy job scraping the ice off the steps. Someone could get hurt!"

I'm sure my words sunk in because his mad as hell expression faded and he took a few deep breaths. "You're right, man. I'm sorry."

Pissed off, I stalked back over to the dirt bike. We both yanked the jammed plate off exposing the battery, trying to ignore the heavy tension that gathered around us like a cloud of flammable fumes.

Emmett sighed heavily, and I wondered If he was about to light a match. He looked me square in the eyes and asked, "Jake, I just want to know one thing. Do you like her?"

_Maybe I do,_ I wanted to say.

The unrestrained glower on Emmett's face told me he was insanely serious, and that wasn't what he wanted to hear. "Of course not, she's your little sister. She's not even my type. Does she look like the kind of girls I go out with?"

That was both the truth and a lie. She wasn't the typical kind of girl that usually caught my attention. She was too thin, pale, and mousy-looking. However - the honest to goodness truth was - I could totally see myself with her. She caught my attention the very first time I'd knocked on their door looking for Emmett. She answered the door so innocent and sweet.

After a moment of scrutinizing me like he was trying to probe deep into my soul, he appeared satisfied with my answer and said, "She's never had a boyfriend before. You've been out with all kinds of girls."

I knew exactly what he was getting at. That was my fault. I let Emmett think I was way more experienced than I actually was. I didn't know why, but we guys tended to lay it on a little thick at times. I never saw the harm in it before, but now I was wishing I hadn't insinuated as much as I did all the time.

Emmett bragged about his deeds just as much as any of us did. I never believed him. I didn't know why he believed me. "I know what you're trying to say, Emmett, because I could sure do without you checking Leah out all the time," I snapped.

I only said that to get the focus off of me - just to give him a taste of his own medicine. I never saw him check Leah out. Then again, I had never paid attention before.

I must have hit the nail on the head though, because he didn't deny it. Instead, after his shocked eyes went back into his head he cracked a big grin. "Fair enough, she'll remain off-limits to me, too."

That statement said it all. _Bella was off-limits to me._ I decided I could live with that… _for now_. She did seem a little bit young for me, even though it was only by a year or so.

Besides, Emmett was my boy, and I loved hanging out with him and his family.

My parents were divorced. My sisters moved to California with my mom. I stayed behind with Dad because someone needed to take care of him. He sort of lost it when Mom left, and he started drinking a lot. I spent quite a bit of time with my Aunt Sue and Uncle Harry because of that. Still, a functional family was a rare commodity around La Push.

The Swans were like no other family I had ever known. They did all kinds of family things together. Little things that made an impression on me: like turning the television off during dinner, just so everyone would pay attention to one another for at least an hour out of the day. That was new to me. I was used to sitting in the living room in front of the television when I ate. Sometimes Billy was there but most times he wasn't.

Charlie and Renee treated me, Leah, and Seth just like their own kids. Harry and Sue loved Emmett, Jasper, and Bella just the same.

I didn't see a reason to make an enemy out of Emmett when Bella had never shown an interest in me in the first place. Sure, we may have shared a moment, but I wasn't certain it was anything more than that.

* * *

**_Seth_**

We were trying to remove the side plate that covered the battery. All of a sudden, Jake was picking Bella up from the ground. My eyes centered on her face. I felt like someone had cracked me over the head with a crowbar. I could swear I even heard music in the background.

The stars were shining from her eyes, as she meekly lifted up her head. Her cheeks were rose red, and they matched her soft red lips perfectly. Bella Swan was beautiful. I couldn't take my eyes off her.

By the time I realized what was going on, Emmett was being spastic about some Cokes she brought outside for us. With the way he was going on, you'd have thought she destroyed his favorite football.

Bella frowned. Half of me wanted to hug her. The other half of me wanted to _hook_ him. "I'll have one. I'm thirsty," was all I could think of to say.

I didn't think she heard me. She started screaming at Emmett and glaring at Jake. Jake appeared surprised, and Emmett looked madder if _that_ were possible. I didn't think either of them saw how hurt she was before she ran back inside and slammed the door.

Then they got into this stupid conversation about Jake liking Bella. Which I knew wasn't true. At least I hoped it wasn't true. I tensed for a second and waited for Jake to confirm my thoughts. Once he admitted he didn't like her, I zoned back out. All I could think about was how sad she was, standing there with a head full of matted leaves. I hoped she was okay.

The two of them finally settled down and got back to work on the dirt bike, talking and acting as if nothing happened. It was almost as if the whole first fifteen or twenty minutes of our visit never occurred.

Jake said that he needed to replace the spark plug wires on Emmett's bike. They had somehow rubbed against the exhaust pipe and melted clean through. He thought we had some stray wires in all the junk lying around our garage, so he and I headed home to find some.

I think we needed a break from all of Emmett's drama, anyway.

As we revved our motors, I saw Jake turn to glance up at Bella's window. She was standing by it, as pretty as ever. We both waved at her. She smiled and waved back before closing the curtains.

I got to thinking about what Emmett had said to Jake. _I saw that look you gave her._ I considered if it was true. I didn't see how Jake had looked at Bella - his back was toward me - and I was too busy staring at her. When we stopped inside the garage, I asked, "Did you really mean what you said to Emmett about Bella?"

Jake's eyebrow rose. "You mean when I said I didn't like her? Sure I did."

"Good," I said straight out, startling myself because I only meant to think it.

Jake grinned. "So I'm not the guy Emmett should be worrying about, huh?"

I always could tell him anything. We couldn't have been closer had we been _born_ brothers. "You think that went for me too, Jake?"

"Nah… but keep it under wraps for now. It's not really up to Emmett, anyway. It's up to Bella." He scowled. "At least it should be. Don't you think?"

"Yeah, but in the meantime, I better try to get a feel for what Jasper might think about it. I really don't think he'd mind. He's mellower than Emmett."

"Just don't go spreading any rumors about yourself and other girls to him. Trust me. It's a lesson I learned the hard way," Jake warned, elbowing me in the shoulder as if I was supposed to know what he meant by that.

I would have asked, but he said, "Tell you what, I'll get your ATV going and you can take her for a ride. I bet she could use a little cheering up. Take Leah along with you and no one will think anything of it."

I did exactly that.

Tags:


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

**_Bella_**

Gawking at myself in the full-length mirror, I struggled with my hair as I got ready to go to the movies with Leah.

Seemed like I blinked, and it was my third summer in Forks, more like the end of summer now. When school started, I would be a freshman in high school. We were all more mature. Girls, guys, and dating entered the picture, and Leah and I began spending less time doing things with the boys.

Everything was changing - _apart_ from the way I felt about Jacob.

I was truly blinded by him. Meaning, every other guy in the vicinity of Jake remained nameless, faceless blurs in my mind. Leah couldn't understand it. She was constantly trying to get me to go out with someone, mainly because Jacob went out with other girls. She used that argument on me all the time.

I heard about the different girls that he was interested in, or that were interested in him. Emmett made sure of that. I was forever pretending not to care, which wasn't always easy. Occasionally, I found myself really disgusted with Jacob about a story I'd heard, especially when it involved someone I knew.

I could never stay mad at him for long though. His brilliant sunny smile permeated through me every time he flared it in my direction. Besides, it wasn't as if we were dating. It wasn't as if we had ever dated. He hadn't the slightest inclination of my feelings for him. Why wouldn't he go out with other girls?

I had to be content with knowing he was around _me_ more than he was around any other female - with the exception of Leah, of course.

Up until the last few weeks, I had always been able to see him, spend time with him, even if it wasn't the kind of time I wished I could spend with him.

I brushed through my disobedient hair feeling discouraged and spiritless. Having another bad hair day wasn't helping the matter. You would think I'd have gotten used to them. Bad hair days happened a lot in one of the rainiest places in the continental US.

Summer had gone by way too fast this time. All season long, I dreaded the very mention of fall, September, or the turning of the leaves. When school resumed, Jacob would be going away. Jacob would be going away next week to be precise.

He was set to attend Chemawa Indian School in Salem, Oregon. Chemawa was a boarding school ranging from ninth to twelfth grade. Its student body was made up of Native American kids from all over the country. They lived there all year long, coming home only during Christmas and summer vacations.

It was much larger than the high school in La Push, and offered a wider variety of extracurricular activities, as well as a stellar athletic program. After giving La Push High School a year, Jacob decided it wasn't for him, and he chose Chemawa for the boxing opportunities it provided.

Everyone acted as if it was nothing. Lots of kids from La Push went to Chemawa, including Jacob's older sisters who were going to be seniors in the upcoming year. Which I'm sure was another one of his deciding factors.

Jacob hardly came around anymore, a consequence of Emmett's love life.

One day, while we were all at the beach, Emmett met a girl named Rosalie. She was from Olympia, Washington and was staying with her grandparents over the summer. He ended up spending a lot of time with her. You could say she was his first "serious" girlfriend.

I already ached for Jacob, and he wasn't even gone yet. Every new sunrise burned a little more. I was becoming more sorrowful by the day.

"Bella, I'm here!" Leah's voice echoed from the living room.

"I'll be right down!" I gave up on my hair, clasped my lucky anklet on, and dashed down the stairs.

We were just about to leave when Jacob stopped by looking for Emmett. As usual, Emmett was somewhere with Rosalie.

"Must be love," Jake grumbled crankily. "Tell him I stopped by _again_."

Jacob's demeanor was dull and his lips tight. He was bummed too. It must have been in the air. "What about Jasper and Seth, do you guys know where they are?"

"I think they went diving," Leah said.

"Maybe I'll go look for 'em."

When he walked out the door, I anxiously grabbed Leah's shoulder and pleaded, "Ask him to come with us."

Her face crumpled with aggravation. "No, you do it if you want him to come."

"You know I can't do that." I peeped out the window, and Jake was already on the sidewalk. "Come on Leah. He's leaving next week. I won't see him for _four_ months."

"I'll do anything for you." I joined the palms of my hands together in prayer position. "Hurry! Before it's too late."

Leah didn't mind that I had feelings for Jacob as long as I kept her completely out of it, a principle of hers I never truly understood.

"You're just lucky I'm gonna miss him too," She groaned, unenthusiastically running out the door after him. As the door closed, I thought I heard her say, "he's gonna kill me."

I didn't know what she meant, and I told myself to make sure to ask her about it later. I gave her a couple of minutes before I followed.

The moment I stepped outside my eyes bumped into Jacob's. I stopped short for the brief second that my heart stalled and my tummy stumbled. The peculiar expression he was wearing quickly enveloped me.

"What?" I asked him. Throwing a questioning glance toward Leah, hoping she didn't say something she wasn't supposed to say.

"Nothing…Are you sure you don't have any idea where Emmett is?"

"Nope. Sorry."

"Well, I guess I'm driving then," he smiled.

Going to the movies together wasn't anything out of the ordinary. Some variation of the six of us always did it. This, however, was something different. The heady yet, antsy tension I sensed from Jacob was more unusual than anything I'd ever observed before. He was uncommonly quiet on the way to the theater. I found it difficult to carry on a normal conversation with him.

Oddly, Leah was doing enough talking for the both of us. "It's probably gonna be too crowded today. We should just do something else. I bet Seth and Jasper are having fun. Maybe we should just go find them?"

"I didn't drive over here for nothing, Leah."

"We're already here. We might as well go in," I said, glaring at her. She pretended not to notice.

We followed Jacob into the dimly lit theater filled with quiet and lively chatter. When we found seats, he stepped aside and guided Leah to go before him, giving me a wry grin. I smiled, skipping inside. For the first time, it seemed as if Jacob might have liked me as well. Butterflies bloomed in the center of my stomach, and my heart began to pulse excitedly.

I shivered at the wispy but glorious skin contact as his hand touched mine, causing me to slip into a surreal, ecstatic fog.

* * *

**_Jacob_**

Bella looked eye-catchingly beautiful when she strolled out the door. She was only wearing a t-shirt, faded calf-length jeans, and flip-flops with a thin woven chain draped around her petite ankle. But she was everything to look at.

The little crush I had developed on her had magnified tenfold - ever since that day she slipped off the porch. Though she was the forbidden fruit, I felt certain it wasn't only because she was off-limits to me. Just a flip of her hair, a friendly little smile, an innocent tilt of her head produced emotions in me I couldn't ignore. It was safe to say, I had it bad. Sometimes when we hung out, I paid attention to her while she did the simplest of things like read a book, rinse the dishes, or brush her hair. It didn't matter what she did, she always looked hot doing it.

I wanted to go out with Bella so much it was ridiculous. At the same time, I wasn't sure if "she and I" was such a great idea.

I knew Emmett's stand on the matter. No guy in his right mind would want someone trying to mess with his little sister and do what we guys were always trying to do, least of all his best friend.

Bella was different, special. You could see it just the way she carried herself. Any guy would have his work cut out for him if he tried, and I supposed she'd also be quite a conquest at the same time. But - while I don't' deny she affected me like that – with the way I cared about her, I could never mistreat her. Girls like Bella were few and far between. She was too good for the jokes around Forks and La Push, and she was probably even too good for me.

Emmett was right to keep the losers away. He didn't have to verbally threaten anyone. A stern glare along with his sheer size was enough deterrence. I doubted Bella was aware half the guys around town were scared of her jovial but short tempered, bear of a brother, and me being his good buddy, well that was a no brainer.

Seth was another problem. He had a little crush of his own on Bella and I couldn't blame him. Especially if he saw her the way I did. I should have spoken the truth to him way back in the beginning when he had first asked. But no! I let Seth believe I was rooting for him. Hell, I practically encouraged my younger cousin, time after time.

When push came to shove, I had to accept Leah's movie invitation. Emmett wasn't going to be there _for once_. I couldn't pass up an opportunity like that.

On the way to the theater, I started to talk myself into believing that Seth's crush was just a mild case of puppy love, a tiny little thing that didn't really matter. As for Emmett, I told myself that I'd cross that bridge when I came to it.

Before we even parked, I had made up my mind. I was going to try to get with Bella. We found seats midway down the aisle. I tugged Leah in front of me, and waited for Bella to follow her.

Bella smiled at me, her eyes bright with anticipation, or so I'd thought. But I wished I knew for sure.

Lacking in confidence or not, I could be bold when I wanted to. Soon as the lights turned out, I brushed my hand up against hers, and waited to see if she'd move it away from me. A receptive touch of her soft and dainty fingers, finding their way around my pinky, kicked me into high gear. I smiled, and I quickly followed up by wrapping my hand around hers, and leaning closer to her as I breathed in the smell of strawberry shampoo.

"Hey, what are you doing?" A low guttural voice erupted from behind us. _Emmett._ It was the most irritating sound of my life. I don't remember _ever_ feeling so _aggravated_ by the sound of someone's voice.

Bella sucked in a short shallow breath, reflexively jerking her hand away. She and I twisted toward each other at the same time, looking over our shoulders. Emmett and Rosalie were sitting down.

He had frustratingly appeared right out of thin air and sat directly behind us. Talk about timing!

Pressing my clenched fists against my lap, I tensely forced them down my thighs. "Hey, what's up," I whispered, trying like hell to hide my irritation. "I went by your house to see you, but you weren't home. I decided to come with these two."

"Yeah, I've been really busy." He tilted his head toward Rosalie and grinned.

"I can see that," I said, smiling and greeting Rosalie with a nod of my chin.

I never saw that look on Emmett before. He had to be in love. _Good for him._ You didn't see me trying to keep him from the girl _he_ loved.

Emmett turned to Bella. "Did we miss much?"

"Just the previews," she whispered.

"Sh-," hushed some nearby people.

When Emmett dropped back into his seat, Bella and I glanced at each other. Her eyes were wide and she was biting her lip, nervously shook-up. A light slapping sound resonated against the thin carpeted flooring. I saw Leah reach out and put her hand on Bella's jittery knee.

The day Emmett blew-up at us popped into my head. I knew that _I_ didn't care if Emmett was behind us. I was prepared to deal with it. I figured he'd be mad for a little while, but if he was really my friend he'd come around.

Bella's who I worried about. I wasn't sure if she minded that he was sitting there. I wasn't sure how much his thoughts about "us" mattered to her. I lobbed that around in my head for a little bit, then quickly got sick of worrying about it.

Quietly, I took hold of her hand again, hoping she wouldn't pull it away from me. She didn't. She moved closer and held on to me, tightly. So tightly, my palm started to sweat, but _oh well!_

For the rest of the movie, I fought the urge to put my arm around her and maybe even kiss her. My time was running out in Forks. I didn't know if I'd get another opportunity, and Emmett sitting behind us made me angry as hell.

That was when my mind began to sway. I started to wonder how mad Emmett would be if I kissed her, and ended up thinking about how upset Seth would be when he heard about it. He was practically my little brother and he trusted me.

By the end of the movie, I was feeling like maybe the time wasn't right for us. I was going away next week. Anything could happen while I was gone. It occurred to me, someone else could be with her by the time I came home. Long distance relationships didn't last. Quil and Embry's girlfriends found other guys almost as soon as they left, although, they claimed it happened the other way around. Maybe it did, either way it wouldn't be good. In fact, I remembered saying to them, _"Why in the hell would you want to have a girlfriend that you can't be with?"_ I couldn't see the point in that.

Everything that made sense to me earlier, suddenly didn't feel right. I didn't know what to do.

Emmett insisted I hang out with him, Rosalie, and Bella for the rest of the evening.

Making the choice to hold off on asking Bella out - until I had more time to spend with her - left me feeling guilty at the end of the night.

She was floating around her house like a butterfly. I decided that it was better if I didn't see her again. I was bound to do something stupid; like put all my cards on the table, and ask her to wait for me. What if she'd said no? Or worse, what if she'd said yes - then didn't?

I stayed in La Push right up until the day before I left. It turned out that that was the something stupid I did. The next time I saw her she was pissed and she had every reason to be.

* * *

**_Emmett_**

The movie was already in progress when we walked in, and the theater was packed. We slowly made our way down the dark aisle, trying to find two good open seats when I picked out Jake.

It was one of his last weekends home. I had forgotten I made plans to hang out with him that afternoon. What a friend, huh? I decided the least I could do was go sit near him. I placed my hand on Rosalie's lower back to guide her to the empty seats behind Jacob. I knew I was being a terrible friend. On the other hand, considering her flirtatiously fluttering lashes and the enticing gather of Rosalie's ruby lips as our eyes met, she was well worth my undivided attention.

Jake was sitting with some girls. I didn't realize it was Bella and Leah until we got close. Before sitting down, I made an unsuccessful attempt to startle him. I really just wanted to get his attention to let him know I was there, brush over the fact that he had been the last person on my mind.

I didn't think anything of him sitting beside Bella. Everything appeared normal - _at first_.

As the movie played on, I noticed Bella was sitting extra close to Jake. A while back that would have thrown me into a fury.

I always halfway knew she had a thing for Jacob and I didn't mind. Not when I thought Jake had one for her. I pretty much told him to stay away from her. I didn't use those exact words, but I know he got my meaning.

Did I blow it out of proportion? Yep. I'll say this though, my reaction made perfect sense to me at the time.

We traveled out of town for boxing matches on plenty of occasions. Jake was a talented fighter. He always won and that made him popular with girls. Me, I lost sometimes, but I'm a hell of a good-looking guy.

We were barely fourteen back then, and girls were always chasing us around. It wasn't just the girls our age either. We liked the older girls better, and we made-out with more than a few of them anytime and _every_ time we got the chance. I knew how Jake was with girls.

Bella was naïve. I worried she'd end up getting hurt. I thought it was my responsibility to look after her.

I used to see guys cheat on their girlfriends all the time at away matches. I never understood why girls wanted to act like they were married when they were just going out with a guy. Most of the guys I knew didn't take having a steady girlfriend that serious. I didn't want that happening to Bella. To be honest, I wouldn't have let her go out with any one of those guys.

Jake and I thought it was better not to have _any_ girlfriends. Why would we want one? Why would any guy our age want a girlfriend when there were so many other hot girls out there?

My whole outlook changed when I met Rosalie. Once I met _her_, she was the only girl I wanted to see. She pretty much owned me. I grew up a lot since that cold winter day when I acted like a prick to my sister and to my best friend.

I sat behind Jacob and Bella, observing the way their shoulders were leaning toward one another. They appeared to be a typical couple on a date. I began thinking about it, realizing that Jake didn't go out with anybody all summer long, as far as I knew anyway.

As for Bella, she never went out with anyone _ever_. I figured, _what the hell - live and let live,_ right?

I decided Bella was old enough to take care of herself. Jake was a great guy, a great friend, the best. If anyone was going to be with Bella, it may as well be him.

Every now and then, Bella would turn around to look at me. I pretended not to notice anything. When I stood up to get popcorn, I was positive they were holding hands.

After the movie ended, I waited to hear the news that they were dating. But neither she nor Jake ever mentioned anything about it to me. After a few days went by I began to think I imagined the whole holding hands scene. I thought it best not to bring it up, thinking they might get the wrong idea and assume it mattered to me. I decided to mind my own business from that point on. I never thought to let them know about it though.


	5. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

_**Bella**_

Jake came over to say goodbye. I couldn't bring myself to look at him.

I was hurt that he never came around after we held hands during the movie, but I wasn't going to let him know I cared about that. I thought perhaps holding hands was only holding hands to him, nothing more. If he was going to act like it was nothing than so was I. Acting was something I was good at where he was concerned.

The hurt from his disappearance was bad in itself. Even so, it was nowhere near the pain I was feeling from knowing I wasn't going to be able to see him anymore. He was what I had looked forward to every single day for the past two years. That was the true reason I wouldn't let myself face him.

I was afraid that if I did. He would be able to see how much I cared about him. How much I was going to miss him. How much I wanted to cry. In all reality, I was afraid that I would cry and everyone else would see it too.

I tried to keep my head down pretending to be reading while I listened to them all talk.

Everyone was wondering about the school, the campus life, the rules, and the ways to keep in touch. As for me, I was wondering if he would find a serious girlfriend while he was away and fall in love like Emmett did. Would he turn to someone, when he got lonesome for home?

They all sat around the kitchen table chatting happily. I felt like it was the end of the world.

Jake told us cell phone use had been abused. The administration determined that they had become too hard to monitor so there was a new policy. They could take them but had to turn them in and check them out during specific calling hours. "Embry took one last year and said it became too much of a hassle to even use it. I'll try to call you guys when I can though," Jake said.

"Oh, Jake will be back before we know it," Renee assured then suggested, "you could always write to each other."

Emmett and Jake smirked making _not_ faces at one another.

Renee caught it. "Why? Am I missing something? What's wrong with writing to each other?"

"Writing's for wusses," Emmett cracked, "girls and wusses,"

"Is that some kind of weird rule I don't know about? Boys can't write to boys. That's a stupid rule," Renee said. "Can they at least write to girls?"

"Why would we want to? That's what emails and texts are for," Emmett replied.

"Emails!" Renee repeated as if a light bulb just went on in her head. "I forgot about those."

"It's the same with computers," Jake mentioned, "too hard to monitor who kids are chatting with. They have a computer lab and we could take laptops but they're only supposed to be used for schoolwork. So they say. I think we can email. Quil said they get around some of the rules all the time."

"Sounds like it sucks," Jasper said.

Jake shrugged. "Must not, everyone always wants to go back."

"I can see why," Emmett remarked, "all those girls and no parents. I can pretty much guess what rules they're getting around."

"Emmett!" Renee scolded with a raspy voice. She changed her voice back to normal, saying, "well there it is. Jake will call and email when he can. And like I said you can always keep in touch the old fashioned way, huh Jake?"

"How many girls did you promise that to?" Emmett gibed.

"Ah…I'm really not pen-pal material. I uh… didn't promise anyone anything," Jake flatly stated.

His eyes met mine just as he said it. _What's that supposed to mean?_ I wasn't going to wait around to find out. I stood up and casually strolled out the back door to be alone. Sadness, anger, and confusion all coiled up together inside of my heart and my mind. I drug a lawn chair to the corner nook in the back of our house where I escaped to sometimes in order to listen to the raw sounds of the outdoors while I read.

I wasn't out there very long when the sound of Jacob's husky voice interrupted my useless inattentive reading. "So Bella…"

I lifted my head hardening my expression to hide the melancholy I was determined not to reveal.

"Umm…I'm taking off now."

The thick awkward tension that I feared would surface after the movie was as uncomfortable as I'd imagined it to be. What was I supposed to say and do? I didn't know if I should hug him goodbye or not. If it were Emmet, Jasper, or Seth leaving, I'd most certainly give them a hug. It was remarkable to me how much confusion and change a couple hours of handholding could bring. I hesitantly rose to my feet. "Okay have a safe trip and I hope you like your new school."

He took one lengthy stride toward me. "Look Bella, I'm really sorry that I couldn't come over. I should have. I wish I did."

Hearing him say he was sorry and wished he had come to see me brought me a swell of glad alleviation. I hadn't realized how much I needed to hear those words until the very moment he said them. "That's okay I'm sure you had a good reason."

He glanced to the side and gulped, "I did have a reason." He pushed his fingers through his hair apprehensively, before turning back to me.

Whatever it was, I knew he was struggling with telling me about it. I hated to see him like that. "I told you it's all right just forget about it," I reassured, giving him a warm smile.

He sighed deeply, loosening his posture. "Okay. I'll see you on Christmas vacation," he grinned, tensely slumping a little, to hug me. I reached my arms around his neck and hugged him back, feeling his lips press against my cheek, right beside my ear. He kissed me sweetly.

It was a nice startling surprise that instantly warmed me deep within filling me with a joyful, comforting excitement. My lips unguardedly spread across my face giving him a generous unreserved smile. Although I considered myself to be quite the actress in Jacob's presence, I had to admit that my transparency could be just as forthcoming depending on the circumstances. I'm sure he enjoyed my reaction because he returned a smile just as revealing as mine. He kissed me one more time on the top of my head, said goodbye again then left.

I felt gleeful for the first several minutes afterwards. That quickly changed to miserable once I realized he was really gone. I went up to my room put on my latest classical find, the beautiful but sad sounds of Chopin's Raindrop.

Somehow mothers always seem to know what was going on and nothing ever got by Renee. She came into my room, sat down on my bed, and ran her fingers through my hair just like she did when I was a little girl. "I bet you'll miss him even more than Emmett will." She said.

I know she only wanted to make me feel better, but I didn't want talk to her about Jacob. I didn't want to talk to anyone about him. It was always easier the way of keeping it my secret. I nodded my head up and down anyway.

"He'll be back before you know it," she soothed, wiping away a stray tear from the corner of my eye. I didn't answer.

"Like I said, you could always email him or write to him."

Now, that irritated me and I rolled my eyes. "You heard what he said. I don't think he wants to write to anyone."

"Something tells me that he wasn't talking about _you_. I bet he'd write back if you sent him a letter."

"I couldn't do that. I wouldn't want to bother him and make him feel like he has to respond to me. He's not pen-pal material remember?"

Renee wouldn't give up. "I'm going to get the address from Sue anyway. His email address too."

A few days later, she gave me his addresses. I chose not write to him in fear of the possible rejection.


	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

**_Leah_**

Bree Tanner, a strange but daring seventh-grade girl, had stalked Jasper so he would take her to the Forks Teen Holiday Dance, a fundraising event the Chamber of Commerce held to raise money for needy families in the area.

Friendly, athletic, and very popular, Jasper got asked out a lot. He didn't want to go with Bree, but he didn't want to hurt her feelings, either, so he politely told her he was already taking someone else.

She went all _Fatal Attraction_ and chased him for days, annoying him with her persistence. I couldn't wait to tease him about it some more.

I happened to be standing nearby at our lockers — eavesdropping — when she incredulously demanded to know the name of his date. Jasper reached for my arm, jerking me toward him, and said, "Speak of the angel. I'm going with Leah. We've been planning this for months. Haven't we, Leah?"

It was hilarious. I burst out laughing. Bree stared at me, surprised and confused.

"Tell her, Babe." Jasper glared. I quickly recognized he was serious, and he was going to be very pissed if I didn't back him up.

I attempted to hide my laughter. Leaning my head against his shoulder, I cleared my throat and tried harder to maintain a sober expression. "It's true, Bree. I've been looking forward to this day for …well, forever," I told her, barely able to hold a straight face.

Infuriated, she glared at me with loathing in her eyes, sarcastically screeching, "Whatever." _She didn't buy it_. "Jerks," she spat, under her breath. Wrenching herself around, she sent her dark, chin-length hair bouncing feverishly back and forth, as she stormed down the hallway.

We laughed about it on the way home from school.

"That was mean, Jazz." I decided, after I had more time to think about it.

He shrugged. "Not if we really do go together," he suggested.

To ease our consciences, we decided to make good on the fabrication and legitimately attend the dance as a couple — a pretend couple. It was the honorable thing to do according to him.

The two of us pointlessly tried to convince Bella to come out with us. She never wanted to do anything. I knew she was crazy in love with Jacob, but he wasn't around, and she couldn't stay home wasting away her youth, waiting for him to come back. Well, she could. I just didn't think she _should_.

Fifteen was prime dating time. A lot of good-looking guys showed interest in Bella, but no one surpassed Jacob in her eyes, and she didn't want to waste a minute of her time on them.

When Seth first told me he thought he was in love with Bella, I was stunned. I didn't understand how anyone couldn't see that she only had eyes for Jacob. Seth was clueless. He and Jake both were.

I saw that love-struck look in my brother's eyes, and I didn't have the heart to tell him he didn't stand a chance. All I did was promise not to tell Bella, deducing that what Seth didn't know wouldn't hurt him.

Bella was just as clueless as he was. Seth did anything and everything he could do for her. All she ever noticed was a friend. She never saw how he looked at her, how sweet he treated her, letting her know how nice she looked, and protecting her from her ungainly self whenever it was necessary. A true white knight, only his damsel in distress wasn't even aware of his affections.

Seth didn't take his non-existent romantic relationship with Bella to the extreme the way she did with Jake. He sometimes went out with other girls. He said he was patiently waiting for Bella to notice him. He didn't see any harm in going out with someone else while he waited. I thought it was a guy thing; the difference between them and us. Seth's dating was one of the reasons Bella never realized how he felt about her.

I had been determined to steer clear of the entire situation, which was no easy task, considering they all found it easy to confide in me about such things. I loved Jacob like a brother, but my loyalty lay with Seth.

I didn't want to see anybody hurt, Bella included. I felt it was best for all of us if she didn't go out with either of them. Therefore, I had no qualms about trying to get her to go out with some other able-bodied guy, as long as he wasn't a dork.

I had yet to succeed in my objective.

On my way to my bedroom to start getting ready for the dance, I caught sight of Seth sitting on his bed. Slouched over with his head lowered, he appeared devastated. "What's wrong, Seth?" I questioned, inviting myself into his room.

"Nothing important. I just got off the phone with Lauren," he said, keeping his head down, eyes focused at my feet. "She thinks we're spending too much time together. She told me she didn't want to break-up. She just wanted to go with some high school dude to the dance tonight."

"Are you serious? What a bitch. You have to get rid of her, Seth."

"Duh. You think I'm an idiot? I told her I didn't have time for a girlfriend anyway. She could do what she wants. I don't even care."

"You look like you care."

"Ah … I'll get over it. I just want to be alone. Do you mind, Leah?"

"Of course not."

I left Seth's room holding in my tears for him. He was hurting, and when Seth was hurting, I was hurting. Lauren had been the first girl he seemed to truly care about—besides Bella.

A helpful electrical spark flickered through my brain. _Bella_! If I could get her to go with Seth to the dance, he'd forget all about hag-zilla. Jasper and I were going together. I didn't see why they couldn't do the same.

I called Bella, prepared to use the "you owe me one" line if it became necessary. She knew it was true. Sure enough, once I told her what Lauren had done to him, I had no trouble persuading her to come out with us. She cared about Seth as much as I did.

Seth was excited by the prospect of spending alone-time with Bella. I'd never seen him so enthusiastic about attending a dance. It appeared that all thoughts of his break-up with Lauren had completely vacated his mind by the time we entered the auditorium.

Loud music instantly assaulted my ears. I covered them with my fingertips to give my poor eardrums a little more time to adjust to the decibel change. Colored strobe-lights pulsed with the beat of the music, like they were doing a dance of their own.

The Teen Holiday dance wasn't a winter formal, which was the main reason I opted to go in the first place. With all the Christmas lights hanging from the rafters and the sparkling snowflakes and bright glittery stars dangling low from the ceiling, it could have been formal. The entire gym reminded me of a romantic wintery prom. The decoration committee had truly outdone themselves.

Cliques of people stood outside the dance circle but hardly anyone was dancing. It was still early, though. Searching the room, I spotted several La Push high school guys, juniors and seniors, standing in the corner. It's where I hoped to be by the end of the evening. I brushed my hands down my outfit, doing a once over. I was glad I wore a light-colored, tight-fitting skirt and a figure flattering blouse that glowed in the florescent lighting. My curves were coming in and I didn't mind showing them off a little.

Bella and I parted ways with the guys in order to do our own thing for a little while, but before we did, the four of us agreed to make certain we'd share at least a few dances with our fake dates just for the pretense of it all. This would be especially necessary if or when Bree and Lauren showed up.

I started to get a little bored with the festivities, so I was glad when I saw Jasper and Seth coming across the floor to take us out to dance. I nudged Bella. "Here they come."

"It better be a slow song, or I'm not going to dance," Bella mumbled worriedly. "You hardly have to move during a slow song. I haven't even seen Lauren yet. Do you think she's here?"

"Oh, who gives a care? Besides, I might beat her up if I see her." I wasn't joking either.

A country sounding romantic number twanged through the speakers. Jasper grinned as he approached. He was handsome. I don't think I realized how good-looking he was before then. He reached for my hand, and very gentlemanly escorted me onto the dance floor.

Once beneath the Disco ball, I placed my arms around his neck, thinking he would put his hands around my waist.

"What are you doing? This song is for two-stepping," he haughtily informed.

"Two-stepping, what's that?"

He reached up and unclasped my arms from his neck, put one hand on the small of my back, took my left arm, stretched it out, and locked hands with me. "Okay, take two steps forward with the same foot," he said, walking me forward, "then one step back with the other foot."

I had a tough time doing it. I had never felt as uncoordinated as I did that very moment. It bothered me because I thought the guys I had been trying to attract attention from were staring at us. I laughed, pretending it was fun, so they wouldn't know how ridiculous I felt.

I looked over at Bella to see how she and Seth were doing. She had her arms wrapped around his neck, and his hands were holding her waist like normal people. "Why can't we dance like everyone else?" I complained.

"It's boring to be like everyone else. I thought you liked being different," Jasper said.

"Only when the difference looks good," I muttered tartly, stumbling all over his feet and then tripping all over my own.

We stopped moving. "Let's try it again. I'll count and lead. You just relax like a rag doll while I move you," he instructed.

I fell loose, and he carried me around the floor. It was exhilarating once I got the hang of it. "How did you learn the two-step, Jazz?"

"I learned it when we lived in Arizona. My class did a demonstration in front of the school during the _Cinco de Mayo_ celebration. It was a long time ago, but I never forgot how."

The next song was another slow dance, though not a country-western one. This time I made Jasper do it the normal way. We laughed a lot. I loved his sense of humor, and he was such a charmer. It became clear to me why he was so popular with all the junior high girls. We stayed together all evening, dancing several more dances. I told myself it was to give Seth some time to hang out with Bella.

A pretty dark haired Latina, named Maria came up to Jasper when the DJ made the last dance announcement: "You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here."

I didn't know her because she went to high school. I only knew her name because she was always with hot guys. Getting asked to dance by a high school girl, a pretty one at that, was quite an accomplishment when you were only an eighth grader. Jasper's eyes relayed excitement. He was thrilled she had asked him to dance.

"Go ahead, Jazz. I'll be at our table when you're done," I said, smiling at Maria.

As I walked away I felt this angry, jealous feeling brewing inside of me. I realized that somewhere between the two stepping and our versions of America's Next Best Dance Crew, a huge crush came out of nowhere, blindsiding me. The thought of me developing a crush on Jasper was ridiculous. Freakin' absurd. I knew him too well to like him that way.

I drifted toward our table in a stupor, trying to figure out where in the world I had lost my senses. The shocking sight before my eyes halted me where I stood. To my utter amazement, Seth and Bella kissed! **_**

**_Bella_**

Seth and I were out on the dance floor when Lauren showed up. She sashayed through the heavy doors like she was the bell of the ball, draped on the arm of some loser I recognized from school. He wasn't even cute.

I glanced at Seth. He quickly averted his eyes away from them, pretending he hadn't been looking. He was trying so hard to be tough. "It's okay, Seth," I said, feeling sorry for him.

"It is … okay," he claimed with a large smile. "I really don't even care. I mean, I do a little. But it's not like I was in love with her or anything," he tried to explain.

I didn't know if I believed him, but I could tell he didn't really want to talk about it. I wanted so badly to help him, to make him feel better in some way. Glancing back at Lauren, I scowled. Self absorbed girls like her really got under my skin. I decided she should be sorry.

Hanging against him tightly, I buried my nose into Seth's neck. I guess I tickled him because he laughed. "Stop, Bella. You don't have to," he said, pulling away to look me in the eyes. He was grinning, and I noted his amusement.

"Stop what?" I asked, playing dumb.

"You're trying to make her jealous, aren't you?" he asked.

"Truthfully, I was," I admitted, "She deserves it. He's a loser, and you're so much better than him."

He seemed surprised and flattered by my comment. I felt glad for saying it. "Thanks, Bella, but I really don't need to play games with her. I was having a great time before she got here, and I'm still having a great time."

"Are you sure?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Positive."

"All right, but I'm still going to get her jealous, Seth," I insisted. _It's better than Leah beating her up_. Placing my nose back into his neck, I tickled him some more until he chuckled.

Finally feeling him give into the charade by holding me tighter and breathing into my hair, I smiled against my co-conspirator's shoulder. I was doing a good thing for a good friend, and I was positive Seth would be there just as soon for me if I ever needed it.

Seth and I began to have a great time. It felt good to be out of the house for a change, hanging out with him and all of my other friends. He appeared overly happy. Suddenly I wondered how much of it was real and how much of it was still being feigned.

Before long, Lauren couldn't take her eyes off of us, even for an instant. Of course, Seth pretended he only had eyes for me. She looked furious about it. The satisfaction I gained seeing her annoyed, envious expression was enormous.

We had been doing such a tremendous job that my friend, Angela, came up to us and remarked, "If I didn't know the true reason you two are here together, I'd think you were a real couple. Seth looks completely into you, Bella."

Seth and I exchanged a startled glance. I felt myself blush. He laughed. "Hey, I'm a good actor. What else can I say?"

He reminded me so much of Jacob sometimes. We got up to dance another slow dance. During the dance Seth asked, "So are you interested in anyone around here, Bella?"

"Around here?" I responded, looking around the room.

"Around anywhere? Around Forks, I guess."

"Hmm ..." I stalled for second, deciding I felt comfortable enough to tell him the truth. It was a strange new sort of connection between me and him. "He's not around right now," I answered.

"Really? Around where? Around here?" he asked, waving his stretched out arm about the room. He brimmed with curiosity. "Who is he? What's his name?" he continued to implore.

I tried to imagine Seth's reaction to it being Jacob, slightly blushing in discomfort from his penetrating glare of interest.

"Can you keep a secret?" I asked.

"Sure, sure." He nodded. He had a partial grin on his otherwise serious expression. I didn't doubt that he was being honest and sincere.

I really wanted to tell him. To confide in someone close to Jacob with a unique insight into Jacob's possible feelings. For a moment, I thought it would be okay. "It's …"

His eyes widened in suspense. I swallowed. "Um, it's …" Wavering, I tried to spit Jacob's name from the tip of my tongue, but I couldn't get it to to roll out. My lips refused to let go of my secret. It was too unlike me to open up to anyone about Jacob. "I can't say, Seth. I'm sorry."

Jacob would be home for Christmas in the next day or two. I had learned from listening to Emmett and observing the male species; guys tended to move on fairly quick when a girl couldn't keep their attention. If Jacob was no longer interested in me, I didn't want him to find out I continued to harbor feelings for him.

I wasn't clear where things stood between us. Jacob had called Emmett once in a while, never asking to speak with me as I had hoped he would. I did get a hello passed on to me from time to time. That wasn't enough to go on though; however, I was holding on tightly to the way he made me feel the last time I saw him.

"Ah, c'mon, Bella. You can't give me that much, and then leave me hanging."

"It's just that I've kept it to myself for so long."

"You mean he doesn't know?"

"I'm not sure if he does or not. I thought he did once, a long time ago. I wouldn't want to force the issue with him. What if he said he didn't feel the same? At least this way I can hope. You know what I mean?"

"Actually, I do know what you mean. It'll never happen to _you_ though," Seth confidently spouted. "I'll bet you any amount of money that any guy you're interested in will jump for joy to hear about it."

I rolled my eyes. "You're just biased because you're my friend."

"Don't believe me then." He shrugged.

The song ended. Hand and hand, we walked back to the table and sat down. I considered how exceptionally easy it was for me to talk to Seth. I felt fortunate to have him as a friend. "Seth, I'm really glad I came with you tonight. I haven't had this much fun in months."

"I don't think any of us have," he cheerfully agreed, pointing to Leah and Jasper with interest. "What are they doing over there?"

I cracked up. "It looks like bad impersonations of Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears."

We laughed at them while they laughed at each other, continuing to watch as a popular girl from my grade interrupted them. It appeared she asked Jasper to dance, and he said yes.

Seth and I both turned our heads toward each other at the very same moment. Just like a blinding flash of light in a pitch-dark room, he kissed me. It was so sudden and so surprising that all I could remember about it was how warm and soft his lips were on mine. And he tasted rather good. Flabbergasted, I pulled my head back. My face went beet red, flaming hot with color, or that's what it felt like to me.

Seth snapped to wide-eyed innocence. "I'm sorry, Bella. I didn't mean to do that." Instantly scanning the room as he sputtered, "She was looking!"

I couldn't see a hint of color on his cheeks, but his expression said it all. I shifted myself in Lauren's direction; she was gawking at us with a face as shocked as mine must have been when he did it.

"Bella, I hope you're not mad."

I shook my head. "Surprised is all," I muttered, somewhat dazed. He could have warned me.

Jake appeared clearly in my mind. What would he think if he heard about it? I hastily observed the room, cupping my hot face in my hands. No one but Lauren seemed to be paying attention to us. It happened so fast, _maybe no one else saw_? The thought calmed me. "It's okay, Seth. I understand. But … can we keep this between us?"

"Sure … yeah… the guy… right. Yeah. Okay."

He sounded so nervous. I couldn't help but smile. As I smiled, he smiled, bringing forth the hilarity of it all. Laughter emerged between us. Seth took a breath of relief.

Leah approached us from behind. We slowed our laughs to chuckles and all was forgotten.

"I promise, Bella. I won't say anything to anyone," Seth re-affirmed on our way home when Jasper and Leah weren't paying attention to us, letting me know that he was still concerned about the kiss.

"I know you won't. I trust you, Seth." I grinned and took hold of his hand to assure him everything was fine.

* * *

**A/N** P.S. Jake will be back soon. Next chapter to be specific. =D I know, I know, I missed him too.


	7. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

**_Bella_**

The scent of fresh cut pine drifted through the frosty damp air, putting me in a Christmas-y kind of mood. I rearranged the scarf around my neck and tucked my chilled hands into my winter coat as I followed Charlie up the path to Santa's Workshop. The festive outdoor Christmas Tree Market had been created off the highway between Forks and La Push. Mom and I had insisted on getting a real pine tree for a change, and Dad and I were on a mission to select the perfect one.

Carelessly trailing behind him around a corner, I plowed into a body, bouncing me backward. Embry was very swift on the reflexes. He clutched my shoulders, steadying me upright.

"Bella, you okay?"

"Embry!" I spread my arms wide open, giving him a huge welcome-back hug. Inwardly, I was dancing at the sight of him. "Better than okay. You're back," I squealed delightedly.

"Well, I guess you're all right then," Charlie said, giving me one of his typical looks, his expression indicating he didn't quite get the behavior of today's teenagers. "Good to see you, Embry," he added as he walked away.

Seeing Embry meant Jake was home as well. I couldn't wait to see him.

"Where is he? Did he go home or to the Clearwaters'?" I overzealously asked.

"J? I should have known it wasn't me who put the humongous grin on your face."

The speculative nature of Embry's quirked eyebrow made me stop to take a deep calming breath.

"I take it you missed him."

"Oh. We all did," I said.

"His dad picked him up. He said he was going home first. He was anxious to see everybody so I'm sure he'll show up in Forks soon."

I turned toward Charlie, mentally willing him to hurry up and pick a tree. Finding the perfect evergreen wasn't nearly as important to me as it was a moment earlier.

"Hey. You'll probably see him before I do. Can you give him this?" Embry asked, holding out a piece of beaded jewelry interlaced with colorful little gemstones. "He left it on the bus."

"What is it?" I reached for the pretty strand of beads, intrigued.

"Something for some girl."

The beads slipped through my fingers, sinking to the ground just as the air was yanked from my lungs. "Oops," Embry said, and casually bent down to retrieve them.

"His girlfriend?" I involuntarily gasped, listening wholeheartedly for his every word.

"Could be. He didn't say and I didn't ask."

The knowledge Jake had found a girlfriend he was serious enough about to get jewelry for floored me. Although I always knew and feared the possibility, I wasn't necessarily prepared.

The memory of his hand snugly entwined with mine, the sweet tender kiss he placed on my cheek, and the smile he graced me with before he left gave me enough hope to think that perhaps it wouldn't happen.

In a split-second, my highest of highs plunged to my lowest of lows. A hug lump formed in my throat. Completely caught off guard, I briefly turned away from Embry and cleared the corners of my watery eyes with my fingers, ignoring his outstretched hand.

Embry's eyes shot wide open. His face showed the conclusion he had come to, and he blurted, "Bella, Jake never said …" He quickly closed a fist around the beads.

Raising a hand to interrupt him, I covered my nose with the other hand so he would think I was trying not to sneeze. "It's allergies. Standing by these trees isn't helping."

I twisted my head toward Charlie with a resolute attempt to gather myself together, observing Dad as he walked around another tree, inspecting every inch of it. Blinking my eyes to remove the subtle moisture left in them, I wasn't about to let Embry - or anyone else for that matter-witness my tears and my stupid, childish behavior.

Charlie pointed at the tree. I smiled, nodding my head in approval.

Passing my smile from Charlie to Embry, I faced Embry's questioning stare. He fidgeted uneasily, markedly concerned with my initial response to his omission. "Nah, Bella. You looked like you were about to cry."

I never would have guessed he could be so blunt.

"Cry … Cry for what?" I pretended to sniffle as if my nose was stopped up while rubbing my eyes like they were irritated.

"I didn't mean to make it sound like Jake has a girlfriend. He doesn't."

"Like I care." I smirked, attempting to fake a realistic sounding chuckle. "Whether he does or doesn't, it isn't any of my business. I don't know why I even asked."

"Don't act like that, Bella."

"I'm not acting like anything. I really don't care what Jacob does. Why would I?"

"He told me all about you and him at the movies. I just forgot."

I dropped my head momentarily, giving up on my ineffectual façade. I hated that I was so unexpectedly caught off guard that I was unable to don the mask I had always worn very naturally.

Charlie paid for the tree and started hauling it down the path to the truck. "You're right Em. I'm sure I behaved idiotically enough for one day. So I care. There's no need for you to backpedal. It's not like I can do anything about it. We may as well just drop it. I have to go."

"Listen to me, Bella!"

I rolled my eyes, reluctant to continue with the conversation. The impulse to cover my ears with my hands, as I did when I was younger and Jasper and Emmett were irritating me to death, tempted me. I didn't want to hear anything more about Jacob or the girlfriend he didn't have, but bought jewelry for, anyway.

"Honestly. He never said who it was for. He doesn't have a girlfriend. I wasn't thinking." He pointed at me. "And you're jumping to conclusions."

"Bella!" Charlie hollered from down the path.

I held my finger up, signaling for him to hold on for a second while I replayed Embry's "could be," and "some girl" in my mind.

I gazed at Embry. "Maybe I did jump to a conclusion, and he doesn't have a girlfriend. There is some girl though, right?"

Embry's brows wrinkled, his distress evident. He puckered his lips, pointing them sideways hesitantly, before answering. "I … I really don't know."

I squinted and demanded, "Stop it now, Embry. You wanted me to listen to you, so tell me."

"Shit." Bowing his head, he sighed. "There's no one special."

My stomach turned.

Embry threw his head back , looking into the sky, and shook his head, groaning. "Ugh, Jake's going to pound me for this. He really is … Okay, he did go out with a couple of girls, but I know there's nobody he really likes at school. That's the honest to goodness truth, Bella."

Charlie called my name again. "Just a minute, Dad," I yelled back, trying to decipher Embry's words and determine how to feel about them.

My misguided heart was aching while my levelheaded mind was endeavoring to be rational. I wondered if I was even entitled to feel betrayed. I shrugged. "Nothing really went on between me and Jacob anyway. He doesn't owe me anything. I would really appreciate it though if you wouldn't tell him we saw each other today, Embry."

"I'll second that." He let out a breath of relief.

"I better go." I turned to walk away.

"Bella." Embry reached out, touching me on the shoulder. When I turned back to face him, he said, "Jake wishes something would happen between you two. I know for a fact he does. Give him a chance."

I forced a meaningless smile, drowning in my pain and confusion.

When I got home, I purposely forgot to mention Jacob was back. I went straight up to my room, telling everyone I wasn't feeling well. I wanted to be alone. I had been looking forward to the day of his homecoming for four months. Now all I wanted to do was forget Jacob Black ever existed.

* * *

**_Jacob_**

Home for Christmas Break, Bella was all I could think about the moment I stepped from the bus. I was dying to see her.

Sue made me eat a home-cooked meal while Seth and Leah clued me in on all I had missed while I was away. It didn't sound like I had missed very much. There was hardly ever any excitement around Forks and La Push. The only things that ever changed were people's ages.

Leah and Sue left the kitchen as soon as Seth and I started talking boxing. After they were both gone, the conversation quickly turned to girls. Seth began telling me about some girls he had taken out a couple of times. That was music to my ears, especially when he chatted about this girl, Lauren, he had been dating and really liked. It was too bad it didn't work out in the end. I was proud to hear he dumped her as soon as she tried to play him. I wouldn't have put up with her crap.

As I listened to him boast, I got the feeling his crush on Bella had become a thing of the past, and ended up wondering about it out loud. "I take it you don't like Bella anymore?"

He cocked his head, staring at me puzzled. "What makes you say that?" he asked, as if my question was groundless.

_What?_ Surprised, I stepped back from the conversation with just a shrug. I was offended he was going out with other girls then sitting right there across from me basically implying he still liked Bella.

Until I remembered, I did it,too.

How wrong was that? Sure, I was with a girl here and there if I thought I liked her. All I kept finding out was that she wasn't the girl for me. Nothing ever lasted. No matter how _cool_ a girl was to hang out with, or how _hot_ she was to look at, it always got old real fast.

Usually, trying to date another girl left me thinking about Bella. It made me notice I never stopped feeling the way I felt about her. I never stopped wondering about her or wishing for her, regardless of how far away from me she was.

I'm not sure why I went out with other girls; I just did. Technically it wasn't even really going out, most of the time. It was more like hanging out. It didn't seem wrong to me because Bella and I weren't actually a couple. It didn't sound too good when I heard it coming from Seth, though.

I was thinking about this when it seemed Seth mentioned something that sounded a lot like _he_ went out with Bella.

I tensed, tapping at my ear with my fingertips, wondering if I heard him correctly, and insincerely chuckled. "Hold on. Say that again."

"I said the best part about the whole Lauren mess was that I ended up getting to go out with Bella. I took Bella to the dance the other night." A prideful glimmer showed in his eyes. "That's what I've been getting to."

"Oh yeah?" I swallowed hard and took in a lung full of air. I let my breath out when he said they only went as friends. However, it was more than that to him_;_ I could tell by the excitement in his voice as he re-capped the evening to me.

"She said it was the most fun she's had in months. She told me she was glad she went with me. Then we..." He suddenly stopped talking with a mysterious grin.

"You what?" I slanted an eyebrow curiously, waiting for him to finish.

"We had fun, that's all. It's a start, though, don't you think?"

"Yep, it's a start." In all reality, it was a start. I cleared my throat. "Good deal," I managed to say, feeling a pang of anger and jealousy toward him.

I had thought if I left things alone the situation would fix itself. Seth's crush on Bella would go away, or he'd put Bella in a position where she'd have to tell him she wasn't interested, hinging on the very idea that she wasn't.

If it were any other guy, I knew without a doubt, I'd have been insanely selfish when it came to Bella. This was Seth; he looked up to me. What was I supposed to do now? I had gotten to the point where I didn't want to step aside, cousin or no cousin.

The more he talked, the more he started to get on my nerves. It was a relief when Sue made him chop some firewood before we could go over to the Swans'. That gave me time to try to find out from Leah what was going on between Seth and Bella.

"Leah, can I talk to you for minute?" I asked, interrupting her game of Halo.

"As soon as I'm done here. I'm on a roll."

"Pause it!" I insisted, snatching the controller from her hands. I practically lifted her from the sofa, dragging her into the guest room, more commonly known as my room.

"What are you doing?" She scowled with a raised voice. "That was the farthest I've ever been."

"I just want to ask you something." I closed the door and contemplated how to begin. Leah knew Seth liked Bella. After the movie that day, she told me she didn't want to know anything about anything until I told Seth about everything. She was my only other source of information, though. I had to ask her. "Did Bella mention me while I was away?"

"Ah, Jake," she whined. "It's called plausible deniability, remember? I'm not getting involved in any way, shape, or form, so don't even ask."

"I'm just trying to figure out where I stand." I stared at Leah intensely, hoping she'd tell me something.

She just kept shaking her head back and forth.

"C'mon Leah. This isn't just about me. It's about Seth and Bella too. If I knew for a fact Bella is interested in him and not me, I wouldn't interfere." I stopped short of saying _I think_.

"Would you really?" She eyed me skeptically.

She was going to make our talk way more difficult than it needed to be. "Of course I would. Seth's the main reason I stayed away from Bella all this time. You already know that. So is she into him now, or what?"

"She didn't tell me she was if that's what you want to know." Leah took a harsh breath. She was noticeably uncomfortable with the conversation. "Jacob, you know how I feel about all this. You're not being fair to me by putting me in the middle. I wouldn't talk to Seth about you and Bella if he were the one asking."

"Why can't you just tell me, Leah? It'll be easier on all if us. I promise."

She grimaced, cutting her eyes away from me for a moment, and then huffed. "All right, I'll tell you what I think. If you had asked me the same question a couple of days ago, I would have said no, Seth doesn't have a chance. Now I have to say – I'm not sure, he might. You'll have to ask Bella."

"No. I'm not gonna do that. Has she said anything to you about _me_?"

"Just that she was hoping you would have called her, or something."

"_I_ was hoping she'd answer the phone at least _once_ when I called over there. I didn't want to start any trouble if I asked Emmett to let me talk to her. He probably would have hung up on me anyway. Is that all she said?"

"The last time I checked, which was _before_ the dance, she was waiting for you to come home."

A trickle of happy relief went through me despite how Leah made sure she emphasized that it was _before_ the dance.

"She's openly said she likes you." Leah frowned, and bitterly added, "So you've got _that_ over on my brother."

She might just as well have kicked me in the shin with the way she said it. The tone in her voice made me see how upset she was and how hard our talk was for her. Seth was her twin and I was putting her on the spot; she probably felt like she was betraying him. I suddenly felt rotten about asking her anything. "I'm sorry, Leah. You're right. I shouldn't be talking to you about this. You know I'd never purposely do anything to hurt Seth. I'm trying not to here."

"I know, Jake. It's just … Seth was really broken when things didn't work out with him and Lauren. He'd never say it, but he was. You should have seen him, Jake. Even though I'm not sure how Bella feels about him, I know how she feels about you. I don't want to see Seth like that again. I'm afraid that's just what will happen if you go over there trying to pick up with Bella where you left off."

"I don't want to see him hurt. I don't want him pissed off at me, either, but how is it fair to Bella if she's been waiting for me to come home, or what about me, for that matter?"

"It's not fair. That's why I can't be involved in whatever you all do. That's why I don't want to know anything about it."

"So, you think I should wait a little longer until Seth's over this Lauren?"

She rolled her eyes agitatedly. "I didn't say that. I said, do what you want, Jake. Just don't put me in the middle," she angrily snapped.

"Okay, Leah. Jeez!" I sighed. "Can I at least ask you this? If I did wait until say … summer, for instance, because I'm only going to be here for ten days. You think Seth would give me the same courtesy and not interfere?"

The look she gave me in return was one of disbelief. "You'd risk the possibly that she could fall for Seth or some other guy in the meantime? June is months away."

"Is it a big risk?" I took the liberty to ask.

"It's a risk. A very small one at this point as far as I know, but it still exists."

The way I saw it was, the possibility of Bella falling for Seth, or some other guy, would be present whether she and I got together now or not. June _was_ a long time away. "I might. Like I said, I don't want to see Seth hurt. I really missed Bella though, more than anyone."

"If you did wait, I'd talk to Seth for you. I'd do my best to get him to understand. Bella - she'll hate me if she even thinks I talked you into anything. The decision has to be all yours, Jake. Either way, I'll respect whatever you decide. I won't be mad at you."

"Thanks." I was grateful for Leah's honesty.

We went over to the Swan house as soon as we could get away from Sue, Harry, and Billy, which wasn't easy. I had no idea I was missed that much. Sue actually cried when I first walked through the door. It was definitely an over-the-top reaction.

We didn't call to tell anyone we were coming-I wanted to surprise them. Renee answered the door. I didn't know if she was surprised to see me, but she and Charlie were both surprised by how much I grew.

"Jacob!" Renee exclaimed as she reached up and hugged me. "You're getting…" She stepped back and surveyed me "… really, really tall."

I grinned.

"Now don't get too much taller. Remember, I'm saving Bella for you." She winked.

"I'll try not to." I lightly chuckled.

I had heard those kinds of remarks from Renee before. I was never quite sure why she made them. I used to think it was just to irritate Emmett, or to embarrass Bella. Whatever the reason, I sort of enjoyed hearing that from Renee.

Jasper and Emmett weren't home, and Bella was up in her bedroom. Renee said Bella wasn't feeling well, whispering that she didn't think Bella was sick, only feeling down. She had me go up by myself to surprise her.

I was feeling pretty nervous about seeing Bella. I should have called her. I could have tried harder to get a hold of her. I didn't know why I didn't think of it before, but Renee wouldn't have thought twice about me asking to speak with Bella.

The steps creaked loudly. If Bella, Emmett, or Jasper ever tried to sneak out of the house, they wouldn't get away with it using those steps. The hallway at the top of the stairs felt way too quiet. I took a few deep breaths, hoping she was going to be happy to see me. Then I knocked on the door.


	8. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

**_Bella_**

I sat semi-cross legged on my bed, squeezing my worn out Pillow Person into my chest, with my chin resting on her sunken head. Her name was Winkleberry. Charlie brought her home to me when I was in kindergarten and my best friend, Marissa, moved away. The story on the tag said she was everybody's best friend and you could tell her anything. She'd keep all your most precious secrets. She was missing a limb and had grown so tattered, stuffing was leaking from some of the amateur sewing repairs I gave her over the years. Despite the shape she was in, she remained quite handy to me at times.

Voices carried from outside.

The low robust timbre distinctly belonging to Jacob trailed its way effortlessly through my unopened window, triggering an increase in my heart-rate fused with anxiety.

_What pane of glass?_

It was hard to believe I had one with the way all the outside sounds invaded my room whenever I preferred nothing less than deafening silence. A knock at the front door followed Leah, Seth, and Jake's oblivious affable chit-chat.

I wasn't sure how I would feel seeing him again. I wasn't even sure I wanted to see him again. I couldn't really be mad at him. After all, the facts remained the same; we weren't dating. It would be unfair for me to think that he should have behaved as if we were. I couldn't help it, though; I was disappointed, hurt, and very angry at him. I rubbed my temples feeling further distressed.

Only a second later, I sprung to my feet, tiptoeing across my bedroom. I cracked my door open slightly, just to hear his voice. My mom answered the door, and I heard her announce, "Jacob, you're getting really, really tall. Now don't get too much taller. Remember, I'm saving Bella for you."

I cringed at Renee's ludicrousness. Nobody wanted to have to listen to those kinds of remarks. It was disturbing enough when we were younger. Now that we were older, it was completely insane sounding. "I'll try not to," Jacob answered with laughter in his voice.

"Holy buckets you did grow!" Charlie exclaimed. "What is it now – five-ten or five-eleven?"

"More like six-foot," Jake said.

_Six-foot_! I had half a mind to run downstairs and throw myself around him just the way I did with Embry.

But that was only half a mind. I was too disheartened knowing that Jacob truly was the guy in the picture that Emmett had painted for me so long ago. It was a good thing he didn't know what had happened between us at the movies. Emmett loved to be able to say "_I told you so"_ to me.

"Where is everyone?" Jake asked.

"I sent the boys to the grocery store. They should be home soon. Bella's upstairs. She claims she's not feeling well," Renee recounted with the rest of her words straggling off inaudibly.

_Claims?_ I shook my head, squinting in anger. She was relentless.

Furious over her feeble attempts to accomplish who knows what - another reason I shouldn't have exposed my feelings for Jacob to anyone - I pushed my door shut. I was about to turn my stereo on to drown out the lower level sounds, hoping the music would smother my yearning to see Jacob as well when I heard footsteps on the stairs.

I might have guessed Renee wouldn't let me hide up in my room, albeit, I had a chance to talk to her privately, to tell her to stop interfering, and to leave Jacob alone because there wasn't anything going on between us.

I wrenched the door open.

Totally unsuspecting, my heart leapt - practically out of my body. I went breathless. Jake was smiling that charming smile of his, the one smile that always made me weak in the knees. Tall, broad, and handsome, he was perfect. My lips began to form a smile. I truly was hopeless. Quickly biting my lip to conceal my excited response, I lowered my eyes, assembling my defenses. "Hi, Jake!"

"What, no hug for me?" he asked.

Timidly, I forced myself to reach up and embrace him lightly. Not only had he grown taller, but he was more developed, and quite strong by the feel of him. A slight squeeze coming from the arms he had draped around my lower back brought me to my senses. I abruptly let go, placing my fingertips on the fronts of his shoulders, and pushed myself away from him. I turned around and said, "Sorry, Jacob. I'm not feeling well."

"I know. Renee told us. What's wrong?"

"What are you doing up here, Jake?" I muttered. I folded my arms around my waist and sat down on my bed. "You don't have to humor her you know?"

"I wasn't. I wanted to come up and see you."

_Well, you don't have to humor me_. I grimaced.

His expression turned confused, and he took a step back. "Sorry you're not feeling good."

He was going to leave. "Wait a minute, Jake!"

His eyes widened. "Yeah?"

I decided I'd have to sort out my tangled emotions later. "I'm feeling well enough. Come in and tell me about your school?" I grinned, purposefully softening my expression.

His shoulders relaxed and he came in, partially closed the door, and sat down beside me. "I like the school and the people. Living in a dorm is really different though."

"Really, what's that like?" I asked, sensing a prickly tension between us.

The way he absent mindedly lifted Winkleberry and began to nervously fiddle with her told me he sensed it too.

"There are a lot of kids around, but it's not like living with your family. It gets kind of lonely sometimes, and because of all the dorm rules I don't even get to spend as much time with Rebecca and Rachel as I thought I would. I miss..." He looked down and realized he was holding Winkleberry in his hands. His face puckered whimsically. "What the hell?"

The startled jump in Jacob's eyes when he realized what he was toying with was more than comical. I laughed, disintegrating some of the awkwardness clogging the atmosphere. He grinned. "You don't actually sleep with this creepy little thing, do you?"

It was a breath of fresh air that took me back to the way we'd been before the movie theater. "No." I slowed my laughter. "It's a classic. Charlie says they don't make them anymore."

"Huh." He dangled her around in his hands examining her for another couple seconds then handed her back to me. "Looks like she's been beaten one too many times. Anyway, I'm glad to be home. I really missed you guys."

I smiled. "We missed you too."

As I returned the sentiment, I wished so much to be back to the time when he hadn't had a hint of my attraction to him, and I had no knowledge of his disregard of it.

Embry's allusion that I meant more to Jacob than the - who knows how many girls - that he dated in Chemawa, ruffled through my head. I wondered if there was any truth to his statement. Then I wondered if that was supposed be a compliment … because it felt more like an insult to my intelligence.

No. I would not let myself over exaggerate what little went on between Jacob and I. Nor would I let myself dwell on my wounds of rejection, if I could help it, and ruin our close friendship. He didn't do anything wrong, really. The day that he left, he even made a point to tell me that he hadn't made any promises to anyone.

The only person I had the right to be upset with was me, for refusing to accept Jake's behavior of not coming over after the movie, and not calling me when he was in Chemawa for what it truly was: an indication that he didn't want to take things any further with me. I frowned at the realization.

"What? What's that look about?" he observantly asked.

I rolled my eyes, looking away from him as my face went warm. Presuming this was as good a time as any to clear the air between us so that he would know I understood, I coughed uncomfortably then made myself say, "Jake, it doesn't have to be weird between us, or anything. I mean, I know things got a little mixed up with us before you left. I just want to say for the record that I think we should just forget all about that."

He probably already did but at least he'd know that I was okay with it, and we could go back to being normal.

His eyebrows lifted. "What? Why?" he asked. Surprised, like he didn't have the slightest clue as to why I might even say that.

"Why?" I parroted, hearing a thump on the other side of the door.

Someone else was in the hallway. We both turned toward the door and Jake stood up. "You coming down, Jake?" Seth asked, as the door was pushed open. "Emmett and Jasper are back." He waltzed inside while Leah stood in the hallway with a strange look of uncertainty on her face.

"Anyway, Bella, your mom and dad are gonna take us out to dinner. Pizza, I think. Are you coming, or are you too sick?" Jake asked.

I didn't know if I had enough energy to sit around the table with everyone holding up some type of charade. "Um…"

"Ah, she's not too sick. Come with us, Bella," Seth jovially urged.

Seth's bubbly energy was always contagious to me. Maybe I could fix this if I didn't pay too much attention to Jacob just like before. I smiled. "Sure, anything for you, Seth."

* * *

**_Jacob_**

I picked up my pizza and took a bite glancing across the table at Bella sitting beside Seth, thinking about how he pulled her chair out for her. She didn't blink a surprised eye. Actually, no one did. I wondered if he always behaved that way toward her. I never noticed it before. Or maybe I did, but it was just now standing out to me.

Bella was reading a Trading Post paper while everyone talked. It was the last time I saw her all over again. She wouldn't look at me and I was finding it hard to concentrate on what everyone else was saying.

It seemed like she was mad at me again and I didn't know why - either that or she really was leaning toward Seth from the looks of it.

"You okay, Jacob?" Renee asked. "You're too quiet."

My eyes roamed around the table and everyone was staring at me. Bella even popped up from her paper. _What was she reading that stupid thing for, anyway?_ "Sure, sure, just tired from the long trip."

They all went back to their conversations. Emmett and Charlie were talking about a football game. I glimpsed over at Seth and Jasper. Jasper was telling Seth about a Civil War documentary he had watched on The History Channel. Leah was paying deep attention to whatever Jasper was saying.

I took another slice of pizza, but I wasn't hungry. I didn't know why everyone felt like they needed to feed me.

"Jake … They must have a good gym down there. I can tell you made some gains." Emmett said, slowly stretching and positioning his arms into a loose double bicep pose. "You're almost as big as Dad."

_Oh, oh, here we go!_

Emmett had a classic football player build. He lifted weights a lot, and he did get bigger. He always wore those damn preppy, dress-up sweaters though. I reached over and poked the front of his shoulder a couple times. "Seriously, Dude, how many shirts you got on under there?"

Emmett's face twisted in insult. "I don't have a bunch of shirts on under here!"

Seth and Jasper cracked up laughing right away. It took Charlie, Renee, and Leah a second to catch on. Bella wasn't paying attention. "One point for Jake," Jasper said, holding up his index finger. That was something we used to do when we were younger. We'd score the jabs we took at each other by how funny we thought they were. All it did was egg us on, and sometimes pissed us off.

"Okay, you got me," Emmett grinned, laughing under his breath.

Bella lifted her head and almost smiled.

"For real though, Jake, what's the boxing like down there?" Emmett asked, interested.

"It's good." Everyone was gazing at me attentively so I elaborated. "It's a good size team and there are some really talented boxers. It's not what I expected it to be though. I mean, a lot of them have my skill level but as far as sparring goes, there's hardly any guys my class."

"That's cause you ain't got any," Emmett razzed.

I chuckled. Yeah. I walked straight into that one. Jasper put his thumb down at the same time Seth said, "Two points." I flicked my crumpled napkin at Seth's face.

A couple minutes later, Charlie and Renee got up and walked into the game room. They had this weird infatuation with Pac-man and Ms. Pac-man. One by one, everyone else followed except for Bella, me, and Emmett.

"So, Jake, how's the girl situation in Chemawa?" Emmett asked.

Leave it to him to ask something like that right in front of Bella. She looked up. "Typical," I answered, stretching my arms overhead. I was trying to act casual and keep myself from glaring at him.

"Typical?" He smirked. "So, does that mean you're seeing one or ten?" He laughed, his expression instigating.

He was hell bent on being a pain in the ass, and I knew what he wanted her to hear from me; that I had a girlfriend. "None." I squirmed, stealing a fast glance at Bella. I thought I saw her cut her eyes away. I didn't know if it was at me or at her obnoxious big brother.

Emmett gave me a closed lip grin then stood up and moseyed into the game room. I took it as maybe he suspected I had thing for Bella and wanted to make sure nothing would happen on that front.

We were both quiet after he left. She couldn't have been reading that paper. It was a _Trading Post_ for cripes sakes! I stared at her wondering how our conversation would have went if Seth hadn't interrupted us when he did. As curious as I was, I didn't know if I really wanted to hear what she had been about to tell me. I decided I better just leave it alone. I was already feeling crappy from her distant behavior toward me. I didn't want to make things worse for myself. "They're playing pool. C'mon, let's go take on the winners," I suggested.

"I don't know how to play pool," she replied. Her eyelashes quivered bashfully.

_God she was beautiful_.

"I bet I can teach you."

"Easier said than done." She laughed quietly. I grinned; it felt good to see her smile at me. "Okay, I'll try it," she reluctantly agreed.

We joined everyone in the game room. Emmett and Seth beat Leah and Jasper, so they ended up being our opponents. As usual, Emmett was already bragging about how good a shot he was. I put my quarters on the table. Emmett lifted his chin to me. "Do they have a pool table in the dormitory? I bet you still can't beat me."

"We'll see," I replied. "Bella's gonna be my partner."

Emmett laughed. "Now I _know_ you won't beat me."

"Shut up, Emmett," Bella snapped.

I ignored him, racking the balls for the game. Seth shot first but nothing fell inside a pocket. I studied the table for a few seconds then told Bella what ball to shoot for. I figured she at least had an idea of how to shoot the ball. The first shot she took, the white ball jumped a foot high off the table and came flying straight for my head, barely missing me. Everyone got a big kick out of it, and Emmett started in with the teasing. "I don't understand how someone who can get an A in geometry can't play pool worth a damn."

"I told you to shut up!" she barked, lifting the pool-stick as if she was going to whack him with it.

I would have loved to have seen that. "So what, I can play pool but I can't get an A in geometry," I rebutted. "That was just a practice shot. Give her another chance."

Emmett agreed, boasting, "I'm telling you, Jake. You don't stand a chance against me no matter how many tries she gets."

_In through one ear and out the other_.

"I'll line up the cue ball against the ball I want you to shoot, and the pocket I want you to aim for," I instructed Bella. "All you have to do is concentrate on the spot I point to."

"It works, Bella. That's how I learned to play," Leah said.

Bella leaned over the pool table, holding on to the pool-stick awkwardly and aimed to where I was pointing. She pulled the pool-stick back and shot. The pool-stick went upwards and barely nicked the white ball. Her face flushed, it was one of her cute clumsy moments.

The white ball only moved a tiny bit. Emmett and Jasper cracked up laughing. "If we could have taught her how play, we would have done it by now." Emmett chuckled.

Jasper nodded his head up and down. Bella frowned, rolling her eyes. It pissed me off whenever they treated her that way. "Be quiet and take your turn," I grumbled. Emmett was wearing on my nerves _Big Time_. "It's a wonder she can do anything with you two jokes for brothers."

He ran the table for three balls before he missed. He always was a good shot. Then it was my turn, and I hit two balls. Seth shot next, he made one. We were back to Bella's turn. "Here, Jazz, you do it," she said offering the pool-stick to Jasper. She already wanted to quit but I wasn't going to let her give up because of those two knuckle heads.

"Just take your time, Bella, you'll get it this time," I encouraged. She huffed and leaned over the pool table ready to shoot again. I lined up everything with my eyes once more and pointed at a spot.

"Jake, she needs to learn how to hold the pool-stick the right way," Seth advised.

"Show her how, Seth." Leah said. She whipped her head toward me then quieted her voice, mumbling, "Or somebody."

Seth put his arms around Bella, and leaned over her to show her the proper way to hold the stick and shoot. Even though it was all innocent, I was burning with jealousy. I couldn't even stand to watch. I had to look away until they were done. "I'm ready, Jake."

We tried it again. She hit the mark on the white ball exactly where I was pointing. The number seven ball went straight into the pocket I called. She jumped up and down excitedly. Jasper, Leah, and Charlie and Renee clapped for her.

Emmett slapped Seth on the shoulder. "Hey, you're supposed to be on my side!" he exclaimed, exasperated.

She knocked two more balls down before she missed. We were tied. Emmett hit the white ball too hard and scratched. It was my moment to do some heckling.

By the time it was Bella's turn again we only had one ball left plus the eight ball and so did they. When she hit our last colored ball in, Emmett's face was mad red. I couldn't help but laugh at him. He hated losing and I know he especially didn't want to lose to me, or Bella.

"The eight ball's gonna be trickier because we're gonna have to bank it," I told her.

"What's that?" she asked.

"We have to hit the eight ball so that it bounces off the side of the table before it goes into the pocket we call." I lined it up for her, but she missed. "That's okay. It was a hard shot to make."

It was Emmett's turn. He hit his last ball in then went for the eight ball. He shot it straight in without banking it. "Whoo-hoo," he yelped.

"You didn't bank it!" We all complained at once.

"Who said we had to?" Emmett smugly replied. "I don't recall hearing that rule being made."

"You knew that's how we were playing it. That means _we_ won because you didn't bank it," I argued.

"Nope," Emmett jeered, laughing.

"Pfft," I flicked the back of my hand at him. I looked at Bella. "He could gloat all he wants. Everyone's on our side anyway, including his own partner." I winked at her. She grinned and her eyes seemed to light up. I wasn't sure, and I didn't want to read too much into it.

It was pouring wet when we left the Pizza Palace. We all hurried across the parking lot to the car. I noticed Seth held his hand gingerly on Bella's lower back, probably to make sure she didn't slip. I gulped. The searing jealousy I felt was almost too much to bear.

Bella didn't like me anymore. I already couldn't wait to get back to school, to get as far away from Forks as possible.


	9. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

**_Bella_**

"Jazz, if you really cared about a girl would you date someone else?" I asked, as I poured two bowls of cereal for us.

"You mean, if I was dating someone, would I cheat on her?" He set the plate of toast he'd made on the table, took a seat, and poured himself some milk.

"No. If you weren't dating her but you wanted to be with her, and someone else wanted to go out with you, would you?"

He pushed the milk toward me. "If I felt that way about her, why wouldn't I be dating her?"

"Maybe she doesn't know how you feel about her, or maybe she's interested in someone else." I thudded the carton of milk back down on the table a little too vigorously, edgy with his necessity for details. "I. Don't. Know. Jazz. Pick a reason."

He knocked his spoon against the table, deliberating briefly. "It all depends. If I liked her but she wasn't interested in me, I might date someone else. I don't know. Everybody I was ever interested in always liked me too. I probably wouldn't even like her if she didn't like me," he answered nonchalantly, making it sound so simple, so cut and dry.

Jasper looked over his shoulder as Emmett traipsed into the kitchen heading straight for the refrigerator. "Emmett," Jasper called. I glared at Jasper, subtly shaking my head, preferring to keep our conversation just between the two of us. He didn't catch my signal. "If you were really into a girl would you date some other chick you weren't that into? Bella wants …"

I kicked him under the table.

"Ouch! What'd you do that for?"

Emmett rotated toward us, taking a gulping swig of orange juice directly from the carton. "Gross, Emmett, don't put that back in the fridge," I ordered then glanced back at Jasper, glaring the signal at him again while claiming I kicked him by accident.

He refused to take the hint. "Would you date another girl if you really wanted to be with someone else?" he proceeded, bringing Emmett into the conversation.

Emmett plunked down on a chair and poured himself a bowl of cereal. "It all depends."

"My sentiments exactly." Jasper smirked. "It depends on the situation."

"Yep, it does. Take me and Rosalie for instance; I want to be with _her,_ but she's not around here anymore."

I was surprised by Emmett's comment. I thought he and Rosalie were doing fine. He hadn't been out with anyone after she left, and he didn't seem to have a problem with it. Girls always called to talk to Emmett, but the only time I ever saw him positively mirthful was when he was on the phone with Rosalie. "Yes, but you haven't been dating anyone else," I reminded him.

"I know. I don't know how much longer I'm going to be able to keep that up to tell you the truth."

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever. It's not like you're going to _die_ if you don't go out with anyone."

He arched a brow, refuting, "I just might. I mean, I wish she was here but she's not, and there's not a damn thing I can do about it."

"School's almost out though. I thought she was coming back for the summer."

His casual facial expression along with his lighthearted breeziness disappeared. "She doesn't know if she'll get to come back here this summer. Her parents want her to go to Europe with them. I just don't think it is working out anymore."

It was apparent to me; he was very affected by the fact that he and Rosalie seemed to be losing touch. I wasn't used to seeing him so pessimistic. My heart ached at the weighty sullenness he displayed. As much as Emmett teased me and as much as we argued, I couldn't stand to see him depressed.

"Lately, it's gotten so hard to even carry on a decent conversation with her over the phone. It's like we have to search for things to talk about. The silences are getting longer, and the phone calls are getting shorter _and_ further apart."

"So, who's the girl?" Jasper delved, as if he was hearing a totally different conversation coming from Emmett than I was. "That hot redhead who never takes her eyes off you when we're out at the motor cross pit? She jumps better than half the guys."

An air of smugness took over Emmett's expression. He grinned.

I gasped quietly as I comprehended that Emmett was interested in another girl. That was the underlying motive that was causing him to question his relationship with Rosalie. "You mean you're thinking of dating someone else?" I pried.

"Actually, I am. I have a feeling she's thinking the same thing too. At first I thought, Olympia's not that far away, it'll be easy for us to get together. I've seen her what … three times all year long?"

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Emmett was in love with Rosalie. We all knew it. Why would he even consider dating someone else?

"Don't give me that look Bella. It's not like we didn't try."

I realized I was glaring at him accusingly. "I just don't understand how you could talk about ending your relationship with her as if it's nothing."

Emmett communicated to Jasper a look that said, _what's the big deal?_ Or maybe it said, _help me out here_.

Jasper quirked a half smile, shrugging his shoulders and shaking his head like, _I don't know,_ and _nope._

Emmett swallowed the mouthful of shredded wheat he had been crunching on, pulled the cereal box back toward himself, and ignored me while he poured another bowl. Suddenly losing my appetite, I pushed my soggy bowl of cereal-which I'd neglected to take a single bite from-away from me, tossed an angry, appalled look at the both of them, and stormed out of the kitchen.

Renee was coming into the house carrying several mounds of clay and a pottery wheel, her latest obsession. I assumed it would run its course for about two more weeks, according to her past hobby fads. "Bella, Hon, would you get the door please?"

I yanked the door closed creating a whopping loud bang. Emmett leaned back in his chair, and poked his head into the living room for an instant.

"What's got you in such a tizzy this morning?" Renee asked. I helped her carry her craft supplies to her work area that was inconveniently squeezed into the laundry room.

I knew I was probably going to regret explaining my mood to Renee; however, I needed to do some venting. "I just don't understand why guys have everything so much easier than us girls."

"In what way?" She took out a mound of clay and began kneading it in the palms of her water-dampened hands.

"I'm referring to the way they handle relationships. Nothing ever seems to hurt them. They can move from one girl to the next, effortlessly. Why is that?"

"Oh, I don't think it's that easy for them at all. They're just better at hiding their feelings than we are." She set the heap of clay down on the pottery wheel, squirted more water over it, and pressed into it with her fist.

"They don't even have to have feelings for someone to be with them. It's disturbing … revoltingly so. I could never be with a guy I didn't have feelings for. And I wouldn't dare make-out with someone I wasn't dating. I doubt I'd ever even let a guy I wasn't head over heels in love with kiss me."

Renee smiled. I could tell by her satisfied appearance that she was pleased with my declaration. "Are we talking about Jacob here?"

"No, Mom!" That was precisely the reason I'd thought twice before talking to her about any of my concerns. She thought my life revolved around Jacob. I skewed my eyes, insulted. "We're talking about _me_ here."

Jacob may have crossed my mind during the course of the conversation with Jasper and Emmett. He was also more than likely the source of my discontentment with them. The primary reason for asking the question though, and what had had me in an indecisive stress mode for the past couple days, was basically because Angela tipped me off that one of the popular guys from school -a junior, who had shown interest in me more than a few times during the past year-had intentions of asking me out. This time I wasn't sure if I was going to say no. Yet, I dreaded saying yes. "Does not being immensely excited that one of the most sought after guys in school wants to ask me out make me an abnormal loser?"

"Absolutely not. Why would you even think that? Your genuine nature just prevents you from pretending things that you don't feel. That's a good thing."

I gave her a faint smile suggesting to her that I found comfort in her words. Honestly, I didn't. I _had_ to consider myself an abnormal loser for hanging on to hopes of having a relationship with Jacob for as long as I did.

All right, Jacob had been weighing painstakingly on my mind for the past few weeks. What else was new, right? It was almost time for him to come back home again. What kind of summer was I about to have? I couldn't help but agonize. Would it be amazing or devastating, or more of the same? Uneventful-nothingness!

After the rise and fall of disappointment I experienced over Christmas vacation I realized that knowing what Jacob had been up to didn't roll quite so easily off me the way it had always done in the past. Perhaps it was because I was older. I also recognized that I was becoming accustomed to being alone and unhappy, as if it was natural for me. It was a very distressing awareness.

"You know, Bella, there's nothing wrong with dating, nor is dating as definite as you seem to think it should be. All it really is; is getting to know somebody better. It's a way to determine whether or not you want to have a relationship with that person."

Renee was right. I'd never know unless I tried. I had no idea _how_ or _if_ I'd be able to squash my feelings for Jacob. All I knew was that I had to give it a try for my own piece of mind.

Jacob's behavior toward me was confusing and whether I wanted to admit or not, it hurt me. It hurt me deeply. I had to accept the reality that there would always be _some girl_, _somewhere_ in Jacob's life. I didn't think I should be so naive as to want to be one of those girls.

I resolved not to be.

* * *

**_Jacob_**

The loud ricocheting cheers that hung in the arena sounded muffled and far away to me.

Droplets of sweat ran down my hair, stinging my eyes and salting my lips and taste buds, as it trickled down my face splattering against the canvas when I slid my leg between the ropes to climb out of the ring. I was drenched from head to toe, dead tired with aching ribs and weak, numb, Gumby legs.

Distractedly, I slapped the hands of unfamiliar spectators telling me "good fight" as I made my way to the long, cold corridor and back to the locker rooms. My Chemawa boxing coach, Garrett, met me inside. "That was a hell of a fight you put on out there, Jake. I'm proud of you."

I nodded my head, wiping the sweat from my face with a towel.

After he left, I unlaced my shoes, peeled off my soggy trunks and tank top, stepped into the shower stall, and turned on the cool water. I folded my arms overhead-leaning, face first-against the shower wall with my forehead resting on my joined forearms. I closed my eyes and let tears of disappointment blend in with the crisp pressurized water that gently battered my fatigued body.

I lost!

I couldn't believe it. My most important fight to date and I lost, blowing the first chance I ever got of going to Nationals. It hurt. I wasn't used to losing and it hurt bad—emotionally—more than any amount of physical pain I had ever experienced in the ring.

From the time I was eight years old fighting exhibition bouts, I had looked forward to taking a National Golden Gloves title. I couldn't wait to turn sixteen just to be able to participate at that level. There was nothing more important to me, taking Nationals was always on my mind. I never thought about anything else as much, aside from Bella at times.

I took the State Golden Gloves easy enough. I'd been doing it for years in Silver Gloves, which was for boxers fifteen and under, anyway. The competition was always the same. We basically fought the same guys over and over again. Sometimes someone from a lower weight class would have a growth spurt and end up in mine, or I had the spurt and ended up in someone else's. It didn't matter, if they'd been boxing for as long as I had been, I knew who they were and I had seen them fight before.

Silver Gloves only went as far as State though. Golden gloves could take you all the way to the Olympics.

As far as I was concerned, an Olympic medal was the only way to prove to yourself that you were one of the best of the best. I wanted to be the best in the world-pound for pound-just like Oscar De La Hoya, Sugar Ray Leonard, and Muhammad Ali, to name a few. True. There were all kinds of famous championship boxers, talents that never participated at the Olympics level at all, or never even took Nationals. They turned professional too soon, for the money, more than likely.

Me, I wanted to beat the best in the country and in the world, first. And I'd stay amateur until I did. I felt like if I wasn't good enough to take Nationals then I wouldn't be good enough turn professional, either.

Seems I wasn't even good enough to take Regionals.

Only the State Champions went to Regionals, and in my weight class that was me. The Golden Gloves competition was a lot harder than any Silver Gloves tournament I'd ever participated in, mainly because it was based purely on weight. So the guys I had to box ranged anywhere from sixteen years of age to thirty-five.

I'd never fought so hard in my life.

I felt sick about losing, so sick it brought me to tears. I wiped my eyes. It had been a long time since I cried about anything. The last time I could remember crying was when my mom left. I was ten years old when that happened and I'd never had a reason to cry since.

When I came out of the shower room, my La Push coach, Old Benjamin, was waiting in the locker room for me. He had hopped on a plane as soon as he found out I made it to the championship bout. He flew all the way to Mesquite, Nevada and had to watch me _lose_. What a waste of his time and money.

Ben knew me well enough to know exactly how badly the loss would affect me. I was sure he was there to give me a picker-upper speech that I really wasn't ready to hear. "Good job," he said, patting me on the shoulder.

I gulped down my hurt. "Not good enough," I croaked, trying to smile.

I blew out a mouth full of defeated air, and dropped down on the bench to put my shoes on.

"That fight could have gone either way. It was that close, Jake. You've got nothing to be ashamed of. That guy was ten years your senior. That's a whole hell of a lot of experience over you. He got that decision because he had just a little more power behind his punches than you did. That's _the_ _only_ reason he got the decision."

I nodded, dismally.

"This was your first trip to a regional match. You made it to the championship bout and that's something to be proud of. You can't expect to take it your first time out."

Becoming angered, I squished my eyebrows together. Ben knew that I didn't go for excuses. "You did," I voiced, with a harsher tone than I'd meant to use.

He tightened his mouth and inhaled. "Yep, yep, I did. But things were different back then. There was a boxing team in every town throughout the entire state of Washington when I was growing up. We had that much more competition to grow our skills. Nowadays there are far fewer teams to develop from. Shoot, Forks ain't even got one anymore."

As much as I'd love to cram myself with a bunch of excuses to make me feel better, I couldn't do it. I was too pissed off at myself. I tensed my jaw looking away from him, hoping I wasn't coming off as being disrespectful. Ben was just like a grandpa to me.

"I'm speaking the truth, Jake. The further south you get, the bigger the teams get and the more teams there are. That makes for better experienced fighters. The guy you boxed was from a huge Las Vegas club. Twenty-six years old, but he barely pulled off that win over you, a young sixteen-year-old. No question about it, you have all the talent. Develop a little more physically and there'll be no stopping you. Now ah … Seth's been calling. I haven't been answering. I figured you'd want to talk to him yourself." He took his cell phone out from his vest pocket and stretched it toward me.

"Nah, go ahead. You can tell him for me." I wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone.

"Okay then. So, I'll see you back in the La Push gym when?"

"Two weeks."

"Good. I think I spotted a thing or two that we can work on over the summer."

I heard Old Ben's cell phone buzzing as he shuffled in the direction of the door. I didn't think he wanted to pass on the bad news himself either, because he didn't answer it.

As he walked out the door it occurred to me that the only person's voice I felt like hearing at the moment was Bella's. I wanted to go home. I could let her know that I'd been thinking about her, and possibly get an idea of whether or not I had a chance.

The last time I spoke to Leah she unhappily revealed that nothing more serious than friendship was going on between Bella and Seth.

Me, Emmett, Quil, and Embry found out a long time ago that it was a bad deal to get caught up as being the friend type guy to the girl you're crushing on. If Bella wasn't the girl Seth was interested in, I might have warned him of that. As it was though, he had all the advantages just by being there in Forks with her.

"Ben!" I blurted. Without hesitating I jumped up and strode out after him. "I do want to make a phone call."

Someone up there must have been taking pity on me, because out of all the times I called her house she finally was the one to answer the phone. I said a silent thank you while looking up in the air. "Bella, Its Jake."

"Jacob!" I thought she sounded fairly excited. "Hi, how are you?"

"I'm fine. I'm in Mesquite, Nevada right now."

"Oh yeah, Seth told me you made it to Regionals. Emmett's not here right now. I'm sure he was looking forward to hearing from you."

"That's okay. I really just called to talk to you."

I heard a banging sound and then a thud of some kind, then Bella wailing, "Ouch. Ouchee. Ouch."

I pulled the phone away from my head and eyed it for a second before lifting it back to my ear. "Bella?"

"Jake. Jake. Sorry Jake. I accidentally dropped the phone." She made a nervous sounding laugh. "Then I bumped my head on the wall when I bent down too fast to pick it back up."

I smiled just picturing her. I could imagine how cute she looked, probably blushing and biting her lip. "Are you okay?" I asked.

"Sure, I'm fine. So how'd you do today?"

"I didn't win. I took the silver."

"Wow, you made it all the way to the Championship. That's great. Emmett said you were the only guy from your entire team that even made it to Regionals."

For some reason, it sounded great coming from Bella. "Yeah, but I was hoping to get all the way to Nationals."

I heard Renee hollering for Bella in the background. "Jake, I'm sorry, I have to go. My date's here."

"Date?" I choked.

_She had a date_. I had finally come to my senses and called her up without a care of how Emmett or Seth would feel about it, and she had a date, as if my chest hadn't been pounded on enough for one day. My heart sank. I couldn't catch a break with Bella. And who the hell was the date?

The only way I was able to get through the next two weeks with any amount of peace after my conversation with Bella, was the fact that I only _had_ two weeks before I got to see her again and I'd have the whole summer there in Forks.

I had given it my all this boxing season, and all I could do now was keep training and look forward to next year's regional tournament. It was time for a break, time for me to focus on Bella, and to figure out a way to make her mine.


	10. Chapter 9

**Chapter 7**

**_Bella_**

Spicy-cinnamon and apple aroma wafted from the matching candle votives scattered throughout our unoccupied living room.

Home alone, again, and bored, I inhaled then sighed. This was just another typical summer Friday. Everyone who was anyone was probably getting ready for some highly-anticipated date. Me? I was sniffing candles.

I had yet to go on another date since Mike Newton. Mike had been the first date I'd ever had the guts to accept, knowing full-well ahead of time that I was probably _not_ going to have the romantic Fairy-tail, first encounter that ended in a head-spinning, tummy-twirling, amazing first "real" kiss, most girls would have aspired to had they got to go out with one of the cutest, most popular guys in school—all because it wasn't going to be with Jacob.

_"You have to read between the lines with a guy like Mike," Emmett had warned me, sounding disgruntled when he found out I was going out with a guy who was a year older than him, a first-string varsity player on his football team, no less._

You could bet I read between the lines, every single one of them. _Does he think I wouldn't be willing to pay for my own meal? Does he think every girl wants to be treated so delicately that they can't open the door for themselves? Does he think he's going to get somewhere with me by taking me to a drive-in movie theater to sit all alone with him for two entire hours, plus? Does he think I'd be falling all over myself by now just to make out with him?_

I didn't realize how badly I had behaved until I saw the confused and beaten down look on Mike's face as he got back into his truck after silently walking me to the door, and giving me an awkward wave goodnight.

Even now, picturing him that way made me feel bad.

Once I had time to sit down and pick apart everything that went wrong with the evening, I had come to the conclusion that Jacob's untimely phone call was the root cause of my failed first-date.

I was sad to have to end the conversation with Jacob, about as sad as I was angry with Mike Newton for showing up just when he did, which happened to be exactly at the predetermined time we'd agreed on. I was angry for the interruption. I was angry, and I showed it.

Everything about Mike during the date had turned me off. I didn't like the way he combed his hair. I didn't like the smell of his cologne. I didn't like the way he chewed his food. I didn't like the way he smiled at me, and I _hated_ the way he went out of his way to be charming and sweet.

Further consideration of why Mike had gotten under my skin the way that he did caused me to realize that it wasn't him at all. It was Jacob.

Just the mere sound of Jacob's voice had crumbled my resolve not to hope and wait on him anymore. How could I have been so gullible? Maybe Jacob was just between girlfriends at the moment, and had no one else to call. Maybe he was just bored. Maybe he knew that if anyone would be home in Forks on Saturday night, it would be me. After all, I was a silly little girl with a silly little crush—who would always be waiting for him to pay me a morsel of attention. Maybe he finally figured that out. Could I have been any more foolish and predictable?

I made myself sick, which was why I had decided, in that very moment, if I had to lock myself in my bedroom all summer long every damn time Jacob was in the vicinity, I was going to move on.

Disgusted with my behavior toward Mike, I immediately phoned him to apologize, and asked him to give me another chance. I told him that I didn't mind groveling if that was what it took to get him to forgive my despicably rude attitude. I was relieved when he laughed and said, "Yes, I will go out with you again."

My second date with Mike was nice. It wasn't the earth-shaking evening that I had never expected it to be in the first place, but it was nice, and it ended with a polite peck on the cheek.

Then, after Jacob had returned home, he showed up with Leah. While Jacob visited with Emmett and Jasper, Leah, of all people, took me aside and asked if I wanted to go for a drive with him. He didn't know how to talk to me alone without making Emmett suspicious, so he convinced Leah to do it for him.

My jaw dropped at the invitation. Jacob asking me out was the last thing I had ever expected. Doing a happy dance and ecstatically squealing inside, my soul was wearing a huge glowing grin, even though shock was frozen on my face.

_I promised myself. I promised myself_. _Oh, but I want to go so bad._

My thoughts spun in disarray for several moments, and it took a huge amount of strength to finally say, "No, tell him I said no."

I wasn't trying to play hard to get. I only wanted to prove to myself that I wasn't waiting for that very provocation from Jacob. And a part of me was afraid to let my guard down again, afraid that things wouldn't go well, and I would have to accept that Jacob and I were never going to work.

Leah's smile of disbelief fell to displeasure when she realized I was serious. "Jeez, Bella, I don't want to tell him that. Just go, I know you want to."

Trying to sound convincing, I replied "That was last year."

I didn't want Jacob to think that I was just some predictable girl he could play games with whenever he wanted to. Perhaps that was the wrong move, but I thought that if he _truly_ wanted to be with me he wouldn't give up. Then I would know it was more than just a whim.

After I turned him down, though, it didn't feel like Jacob and I could even be friends anymore. He always got this cranky expression on his face whenever he saw me, and that irritated the hell out of me more than anything. He didn't have the right to treat me, or any other girl, badly, making me feel guilty for not going out with him. Who did he think he was?

In spite of him always being over at our house, we hardly talked. Rosalie wasn't able to come back for the summer, thus, Emmett was always home.

I tried to stay away from Jacob as much as possible, occupying my time with Jasper and Seth whenever Leah was busy. When Jasper and Leah were both busy, Seth and I did things together. It was comfortable, and it was fun. We talked about almost everything, except, Jacob and whoever the girl was that Seth pined for.

I heard Jacob's Rabbit zoom by the house. I knew the sound well. He had a crack in the muffler that made his car sound like a souped-up sports vehicle, specifically the reason he said he wasn't going to replace it.

Leah unexpectedly burst through the door in a panic. "Please let him keep driving. Please let him keep driving," she was saying. She ran to the window cracking the curtains to peek outside.

"Who?" I asked. "What's going on?"

"Jacob. He just passed by, and Sam's parked across the street."

Leah had caught the eye of a seventeen year old boy named Sam Uley. She wasn't even fifteen yet, but she looked like she could be about seventeen or eighteen with her tall, five-foot-seven shapely figure complimented by dark, lustrous waist-length hair. She was gorgeous. Sue and Harry thought Sam was too old for her, so they wouldn't let her date him. She ended up sneaking around with him every chance she got.

The situation disturbed me, because when she did go out with him, she told her parents she was with me. "Good. He kept going." She exhaled deeply. "Sam's taking me to a bonfire behind the cliffs tonight."

"Leah!" I huffed. She waved her hand dismissively. "You know what goes on out there," I stated with a pleading tone.

Whenever they had a bonfire behind the cliffs, it was a drinking party. The tall rock cliffs were shaped like a V, and if you made the fire in the right spot, you couldn't see it from the main road. It's where all the older kids hung out and partied during the summer.

"I know. I'm not drinking, neither is Sam. We just want to go hang out with everyone. Oh, I told my mom I was going to be over here having a movie night with you."

Sue didn't call to check on Leah and Seth when they were supposed to be at our house. There was never a need to; our parents trusted us when we were together.

"Jeez, Leah, I told you I didn't want any part of that." I scowled and angrily raised my voice. "You're gonna get us both in trouble."

She was totally unaffected by my outburst, and her smirk made me feel like calling Harry and Sue to tell on her.

"I won't, Bella," she said, "I have to go now. I'll call you when I get home." She ran out the door, spun around, and jumped back inside. "Shit, he's coming back!" Standing by the window, she repeated, "Please, let him pass. Please, let him pass."

Jacob slowed down and pulled into the driveway, got out of the car, and came stomping toward the door. Leah yanked the door open before he could knock.

As soon as he saw her, he squinted, grimacing disappointedly. "I knew it!" He came in and shoved the door shut. "Leah, what's Sam doing parked across the street?"

Leah rolled her eyes, turning away from him. "I'm just going to a movie, Jacob. It's not a big deal. Mom and Dad don't need to know."

"What do you mean they don't need to know?" he asked crossly. He was clearly insulted at her words.

"Ah, don't go getting all _'big brother'_ on me, Jake. It's nobody's business but my own."

Furious, Jacob's face pinched. "It's my business if I say it's my business ... if I have to say it to Sam right now, I will!"

The intensity on Jacob's face was frighteningly serious.

Leah's eyes flew open, scared. She knew Jacob wasn't intimidated by Sam. Jacob wasn't intimidated by anyone. He never liked to fight outside of the gym; he couldn't help it though. Guys always started trouble with him just to see if they could take him. It was another one of those "guy things" that Emmett was always telling me about. Consequently, Jacob had one of the meanest reputations in the area.

Leah's self-ruling conduct instantly dissolved. Then the begging commenced: "Please, Jacob. It's only to a movie, please. I really, really like him. He's so nice to me. I don't understand why everyone wants to keep us apart."

Jacob's sternness started to waver as he suspiciously eyed her. "Are you sure it's only to a movie?"

I pursed my lips to keep from spilling the beans. I didn't want to say anything, but I didn't want her to go. Jacob glanced at me over Leah's head and got the hint I threw to him by fidgeting and looking away. "Tell me the truth, Leah," he pressured.

Leah scowled and folded her arms across her chest defiantly. "All right then, I'll tell you the truth. We're going to the bonfire behind the cliffs."

He was shaking his head no before she was able to finish her sentence. "Nope, no way. I can't let you do that. You're too young to be out there, Leah. It's not good."

Leah cinched her eyes momentarily and turned away. Her bottom lip curved as if she was about to cry.

"Leah, Jake's right. It's not good," I said in an attempt to help her to see reasoning.

She whipped her head toward me and gave me a look that felt like a smack. She was furious with me. I should have stayed out of it.

"Jake, we're not drinking. You _know_ I know better than that. I can't tell him that I can't hang out tonight, because I'm too young to go out there with him."

I grimaced. _He should already know that_.

"Besides, you owe me, Jake," she mumbled. Then she turned to me with watery, pleading eyes. "You both do."

Jacob and I flicked a quick glance at each other. He stared at Leah while he weighed the options. "Okay, Leah, but promise me you won't do anything stupid."

She grinned excitedly. "I won't, Jake. I promise."

"There's no cell-phone reception out there. Sam _better not_ start drinking. I mean it Leah. Don't make me regret this. Maybe I should talk to Sam," he suggested, turning and stepping forward.

"No don't!" Leah objected in alarm, putting her hand on Jacob's chest and swiftly maneuvering herself in front of him. "Nothing bad is gonna happen. I promise, Jake. Can I go now?"

We watched out the window as she jumped into Sam's truck and drove away. Jacob sighed thickly. "I hope this doesn't come back to haunt me."

He stood gawking out the window for a short time. Then he asked, "What are you doing tonight?"

"Nothing, why?"

"Want to come with me to a bonfire?"

I stared into his eyes, a little dumbstruck, as I considered how we'd be able to keep an eye on Leah. As it was, I was in for a night of bothersome worrying, anyway. He partially smiled. I hadn't let myself notice him in such a long time; I forgot how beautiful he was, especially when he smiled.

I batted my eyes in nervous contemplation. "Okay. I'll go _if_ I can." I reached for the phone to call Renee, wondering in what context Jacob was asking-friends or something more-deciding not to ruin the evening by foolishly getting my hopes up for something more as I listened to Renee's _Brown Eyed Girl_ ring-back tone.

Incredibly, Renee didn't give me the typical parental line of questioning following my request to go to a beach bonfire with Jacob, and stay out later than what would have been my usual curfew, if I ever went anywhere. She sounded more excited about it than I was. When I got outside to the car, Jacob was smiling the smile that always melted me. It hit me like an explosion of warmth. I smiled back, ,,feeling nervous and flushed.

We drove up a winding truck trail in the woods by the beach, the sunlight diminishing rapidly.

We found a parking place in the trees where everyone else covertly parked and trekked through the crusty sand to the bonfire. I didn't know what to expect. My head was beginning to pulse with nervous tension. "Have you ever been out here before?" I asked.

"Yep, I came out here with Quil and Embry a few times at the beginning of the summer. The last time I was here a big fight broke out, girls were fighting and everything. Luckily no one was seriously hurt, and the police weren't called. I haven't been out here since." He glanced at me fleetingly, doing a double take. "Are you okay? You look worried."

"I am. Kinda ... sorta ..." I admitted. "My mom and dad will kill me if they find out what's going on out here."

"Charlie and Renee will kill _me_ if they find out that I _brought_ you out here. That's why they won't."

As we made our way to the party, several people, girls and guys, were giving me the evil eye, like I somehow didn't belong. It was easy to see I wasn't welcome. "I don't know about this Jacob," I whispered, as a chill of unworthiness crawled down my spine.

Jacob comfortingly placed his hand on my lower back before taking me by the hand. "It's just because you're the Sheriff's daughter. They probably think you'll tell on them or get them caught. Don't worry, you're with me."

_You're with me_. I loved the sound of that.

Loud music jammed from a large stereo speaker resting on one of the sand buggies. Everyone appeared to be having a good time. I recognized several older kids from Forks. There were also a lot of unfamiliar visitor kids. The visitor kids were summer cabin residents, and beach house vacationers.

We casually caught up to the party, and just as we did I heard the sudden pause of lively chatter skid to a halt on my account, sounding as harsh and unpleasant as long fingernails screeching across a blackboard. Instinctively, I froze, about to sprint back to the car. Abruptly wrenching my hand from Jacob's, I twirled myself away from him.

He quickly cupped me around the waist and tugged me back into him, spouting, "Am I purple or what?" loud and sarcastically.

"Yeah, what's your problem?" another voice bellowed to the rear of us. I threw a glance over my shoulder. It was Quil. He and Embry were coming up behind us.

The eyes immediately looked away and the commotion resumed. I never felt so happy to see them in my life.

"Freakin' weirdos," Embry agitatedly grumbled.

I heard Leah calling for me and Jacob from somewhere in the middle of the horde. She and Sam were swerving through the crowd toward us. I was relieved that she was smiling. I thought she'd be upset when she saw that we had followed her.

"Did you see that?" I asked, referring to the way everyone was acting when we arrived.

"They did that to me too, only not as bad."

"I hope you're not mad that we're here," I said.

"No. I was glad to see you and Jacob. I didn't feel comfortable out here at all."

I told her that I had permission to come out to the bonfire with Jacob and that my curfew was midnight.

She was peeved because she was supposed to be home at ten-thirty, and Sue thought she was over at my house. "Well, let's call our moms and see if I could spend the night with you!" Leah anxiously suggested.

Sam was all for it. He borrowed a sand buggy from one of his friends, and he and Jacob took us up to the main road where there was enough reception to call home. I called first, ,, and Renee was fine with it. Then Leah called Sue. "Bella wants to know if I can spend the night tonight. Jacob's going to take us to the beach for a little while. Renee said it was okay with her," Leah asked, trying to be persuasive. She listened for a few seconds, rolled her eyes then handed the phone to Jacob.

After giving Jacob a lengthy grilling and safety speech, Sue finally gave in. When we got back to the party, the small mound of firewood was glowing vibrantly filling the air with a cozy stream of opaque smoke which helped me to relax somewhat and try to enjoy the party energy.

The deeper the night's darkness became, the drunker people seemed to be acting. Jacob didn't want to stand around the fire with them anymore. He mentioned that Paul was getting on his nerves. "I don't like to be around people that are drinking, especially drunk teenagers," he muttered, as we walked up the beach to sit down on a piece of driftwood.

"Why do you come out here then?" I asked, thinking about when he said he'd been out to the party _a few times_.

I swung my legs over the log, turning myself in the direction of the ocean, observing him as he sat down next to me. His ears looked to have reddened a little from what I could tell. "I'm not sure ... boredom I guess."

"Have you ever drunk alcohol before?"

"Once or twice," he admitted, breaking a small piece of bark off the log and crumbling it apart with his fingers. He cast a sideways glance at me. "With Emmett."

Completely surprised, I blurted out, "Emmett drinks?" my voice sounding high-pitched.

"I wouldn't say he drinks. Just that he drank ... a couple times. We did it last year during some overnight tournaments. All we got was really, really sick. We got really drunk and we got really sick. I didn't see the fun of it either time."

"He never told me."

"That's because he's afraid you might want to try it too."

The notion that Emmett would never stop treating me like a mindless little girl pounded me. "I'm not as stupid as him," I spat, annoyed.

Jake let out a little chuckle. "Well. Don't tell him I told you, okay?"

The wind picked up, and it started to get chilly. We left in such a hurry to follow Leah we didn't think to prepare. I was wearing a sleeveless summer blouse and he was wearing a thin white t-shirt. Neither of us brought a sweater or a jacket. I slid down into the sand to shield myself from the breeze with the log. He slid down beside me. "We can go stand by the fire again if you're cold," he offered.

I turned to the fire. Someone was drunk, yelling loud and boisterously. Paul. I didn't want go back over there. "No. That's okay."

We quietly sat beside each other. I couldn't think of a thing to say to him. It had been that long since we'd talked alone. I felt saddened by the uncomfortable tension that now loomed between us. It was never there when we were younger. It was never there before we held hands. I missed the easiness we used to share.

I angled my eyes and watched him. He turned his head to look at me. I shifted my eyes straight ahead again. When I looked back at him him, he was smiling.

"What are you smiling about?" I asked as I wound my arms around myself to get warm.

He tightened his lips, replying, "Nothing," with a shake of his head. He watched me rub my arms with the palms of my hands. "Can I go find a jacket for you to wear?"

"No. I'm fine."

Wiggling closer to me, he said, "Okay, Bella, don't take this the wrong way, but can I at least _try_ to keep you warm?"

I could tell by his leaning body language that he wanted to put his arm around me. What way did he want me to take it? I met his wondering gaze with a smile. Giving it no more than a split-second of thought, I nodded.

He scooted even closer and draped his arm over me. I willingly let my body melt against his. A simmering attraction came on fast, and it came on strong. All it took was one tiny little nudge from his fingertips slightly urging my chin up and our lips naturally found each other.

His mouth tasted so sweet, and the delicate seductive strokes of his tongue completely mesmerized me with pleasure. I was experiencing an entirely new realm of physical sensations, everywhere.

For never having kissed that way before, my mouth was responsively coupling with his, knowing exactly what it was doing all by itself. I felt my tummy swirling right along with it. It was my first "real" kiss. It was with Jacob. And it felt intoxicatingly wonderful. I could have kissed him for the rest of my life. I didn't want to ever stop.

When it did stop, I gazed straight ahead, speechless, feeling like I was in a fluffy dream.

The briny essence of the ocean air, the musical colliding of the waves, and the strength of Jacob's body blanketing me struck me all at once. It was staggering. I was with Jacob just as I'd always dreamed to be. _Oh. My. Gosh!_ My stomach tumbled at the comprehension of it all.

I was finally living in the moment I had prayed for a thousand times, and wished for with every shooting star from the first time I ever saw him. If I didn't already know that he was all I would ever want for the rest of my life, I knew it right then—beyond a shadow of a doubt.

* * *

**A/N** _Wondering what was going on in Jake's head through all this? He's up next!_


	11. Chapter 10

**A/N** _I'd like to give a special thanks to a great friend, kejce, author of Beyond the Sun and the Moon, posted here along with several other wonderful stories from her. She was a tremendous help to me with this chapter, as well was the staff at Project Team Beta for the final editing. _

_Here's Jake_ =D

_Thanks for reading!_

* * *

**Chapter 10**

**_Jacob_**

Being with Bella at the bonfire was a miracle, because I had been damn near positive that she hated me. Just a few days before Emmett left for his football camp, she had given that impression to me _loud_ and _clear__._

Emmett and I had been sitting at the kitchen table munching on Tabasco doused Doritos and talking about the upcoming boxing match that our team was hosting in La Push. Emmett was disappointed because the match was going to be held the weekend of football camp. He loved boxing, but not as much as he loved football. When there was a conflict between the two, football always won.

"It sucks that I have to miss it," he said, as Bella strolled in to get herself a glass of water. "Bella will take my place and cheer for you though, won't you, Bella?"

She peered over her shoulder and gave him a dirty look. She didn't say anything, but the words I heard in her expression, shouted, "Shut up, Emmett! I hate Jake."

I laughed. It seemed the easiest way to cover the uncomfortable emotions racing through me. She, of course, took it the wrong way, banged the kitchen cupboard shut, and stomped out of the room.

Outwardly, in front of Emmett, I'd shrugged it off. What else could I do? Inwardly, she'd made me feel like crap. I was filled with an unbelievable hopelessness, thinking perhaps it was time to call it a day and just move on.

I couldn't figure out what I did to upset her. All I did was try to get her out of the house, away from Emmett's impeding intrusiveness to ask her out. She avoided being alone with me ever since.

Seth's _friend type guy_ method appeared a _hell_ of a lot better to me at that point. I raged with envy whenever I watched him and Bella waltz out the door together, all comfy-cozy, or heard them quietly laughing at some hush-hush, between-the-two-of-them joke, while they sat in Bella's private hideaway in the corner behind her house.

I'd never pegged myself to be the kind of guy that was a glutton for punishment, but I found myself hanging out at the Swans' more than ever, no matter how much she ignored me, or how much it hurt.

I didn't even know how I managed to give it another go.

She was with me, though, sitting beside me in the tepid moist sand, appearing to be fairly content.

Although the situation was a little quiet and tense, it was more than I had anticipated out of the day, and I was actually feeling pretty good about it. A little edgy, but more enthusiastically anxious for the simple opportunity to–if nothing else–repair whatever damage I had unknowingly done to our friendship.

Undeniably, however, I was hoping for much, much more out of the evening–hoping, wishing, praying–practically begging the universe to let our impromptu alone time end way beyond friendship.

She shivered as the darkness settled around us. Glancing back at the sultry, orange glimmer of the cheery fire, I realized just how far away from it we had hiked. Everyone had been making strange faces at us when we'd first arrived; I was afraid Bella was going to have me take her home. I told her it was because she was the Sheriff's daughter. Which was true for the most part, I assumed, except I knew a couple of those girls, and they were staring at her because of me. I thought it best to get away from the crowd before one of them got drunk and came up to me. I finally had a chance to be with Bella, and I was determined not to let anything, or anyone, screw it up for me this time. But on the same token, I wasn't about to let Bella freeze, either.

She didn't want to go back to the fire when I suggested it, so I courteously asked her, in my own way, if it was okay for me to put my arm around her.

By the way she dubiously eyedballed me, I had no idea what her response might be. Her expression possibly suggested that she was pleasantly surprised at my request or perhaps offended by it. My heart froze for a second while I waited to find out which was the accurate conclusion.

Unexpectedly, she grinned, a hint of excitement in her features.

Relief flooded through me at the sight of her beautiful eyes lighting up, and my own face brightened in response, not only to her reaction, but also the happiness dancing around in my head for having the courage to ask her in the first place.

Thoughts of her lips on mine had consumed me for far too long to allow this golden opportunity to pass me by. Sure enough, as soon as I perceived her soft, cool, goose-bumpy skin beneath my arm and my fingertips, as well as the light pressure of her slight figure, pressed up against the side of my chest, I couldn't resist.

I brought my hand to her face, gently touching the lower portion of her cheek, guiding her face toward mine. She lifted her head a smidgen, her eyes traveling up, but only as far as my lips, giving me the impression that she wanted to kiss me as well.

I lightly placed my mouth over her soft, willing lips and gave her a very attentive, lingering kiss, relishing the sweet taste of the coconut flavored lip balm she was wearing, as her arm tightened around me and her hand clutched on to my shirt.

Intent to explore her eyes, I slowly released her lips, words of "I love you" not quite to the tip of my tongue, but definitely looping around in my mind.

She dazedly turned her head away, bordering on a blush. She dropped her hand from my back, slightly angled her body out of my arm, and tensed, causing me to wonder if I had misread her willingness.

I didn't really believe that maybe she hadn't intended to kiss me back the way she did, but I wasn't quite sure. And as much as I'd enjoyed her quick, eager response, her actions afterward left me feeling confused.

Doubt that she didn't want to be with me the way _I_ wanted to be with her jabbed at my self-confidence.

Reluctantly, I let my arm slip down from around her and shifted with my own uneasiness.

I focused on her creamy-pale, exposed shoulder while she uncomfortably stared out over the ocean, blackened to the point of invisibility, for a little too long without uttering a sound.

Her silence drove me crazy. I desperately needed to know what was going on inside her head. Did she feel nothing from our kiss? Or would she rather I was someone else?

_What am I doing wrong?_

I pursed my lips, frustrated. Furrowing my brows, I leaned over to get a better view of her face, which she seemed to be trying to hide from me all of a sudden. "Bella, how come you've been so mad at me all this time, anyway?" I curiously inquired, grasping for some type of insight.

"Me?" she said in tone halfway between asking a question and making a contradiction. She turned slightly, tilting her head, and a tress of her hair, nudged by the breeze, slipped to the front side of her neck, shielding more of her expression from me. "You're the one that's been mad at me, Jacob."

She pushed the tress behind her ear, and it blew right back again.

"Mad at you … for what?" I asked.

"I don't know …" She stalled in reluctance, "… the drive, maybe?"

"Nah, you were already mad at me before that day, forever it seems like."

"I wasn't." She fidgeted, quietly cleared her throat, and softly confessed, "I just didn't want things to be weird with us anymore. I … I don't want it to be that way, Jake."

Her face drifted back toward me, her eyes focusing down then lifting timidly to meet mine, a serious kind of pleading in them.

I didn't believe that I ever had behaved weirdly to her, but hell, if that was the only hesitation she had?

I jumped straight into the warm chocolate of her gaze, guided her hair out of the way, and kissed her again, longer than the first. When our lips separated, there was no mistaking her sigh of pleasure. I smiled. "All right, then. No more acting weird around each other."

"Promise it won't be awkward after tonight then, Jake," she said with a doubtful wilting of her mouth.

"Okay," I agreed. "It won't. But you have to promise me you'll quit acting bashful now." We knew each other too many years and too well for that.

She rolled her eyes, arguably. "I'm not acting bashful," she said, sounding pouty.

"Uh huh," I responded, in a y_eah right_ tone.

She chuckled, folding her arms around herself again. I rapidly rubbed her arms a few times before resting mine directly over hers to make sure she was warm. Her body, intimately snug in my arms, had me feeling all kinds of happiness. One more intruding question, though, weighed heavily on my mind. "So …" I asked, "what about Emmett, then?"

I had already freely leapt passed the point of no return and was probably about to lose my best friend because of it. A great amount of guilt swelled inside of me, from not giving his boundary the slightest consideration when I decided to cross it. I wasn't the one who would have to live in the same house with him and his angry opposition, though. I worried how much influence he'd end up having over Bella once he found out about us.

Bella leaned to the right, turning to see my face and chewing on her lip in a hesitant, unsure manner as we stared at each other. Then she did a little shrug of her shoulders. "He doesn't tell me everything."

But I knew that we had to tell him if I wanted to see her again that way, and I did. "We don't have to tell him if you don't want to, Bella. But he's bound to find out."

She didn't answer right away, eventually responding with, "Not necessarily. I mean, he doesn't have to … if ..." She quieted a second, the color of her discomfort beginning to show again. "Unless we're … I mean, is this?" she asked, waving her fingertips between the two of us.

It was clear to me what she was getting at. She wanted to know whether our being together was going to be more than just a one-time deal. "I hope so. What about you? Do you want to go out with me, Bella?"

Her face lit up like she had just won the lottery, and to be honest, I was feeling exactly the same way. I had just asked the girl of my dreams out and she had said _yes_. Granted, it was a nonverbal nod, but it was still yes.

Strands of her chestnut hair blew wispily against the skin of my neck and face, as she stretched herself tall, lifting her mouth to meet mine and initiating the best kiss of the night so far. "Who's acting bashful?" she teased with a grin.

It was still early and the night was getting better by the minute.

We decided we should probably keep "us" a secret from everyone until we had a chance to tell Emmett first, figuring it would be better for him to hear it from the two of us, together. I also needed time to come up with a way to break the news to Seth. It suddenly occurred to me that that would be a far more difficult situation to encounter, given the torch he carried for Bella and the fact he'd carried it for just about as long as I had.

A deep, hefty voice hollered, "Jacob!" through the darkness.

_Now what?_

Bella turned to me in concern.

"That's Sam," I said. Alarmed by the way his tone came across, I hopped to my feet. I reached for Bella's hands, pulled her up, and we headed in the direction of his voice.

Four shadows came into view. As the gap closed between them and us, I realized it was five shadows: Quil, Embry, some girl, Sam, and Leah. Sam was hanging onto Leah, practically dragging her along with him.

I picked up my pace, lengthening my strides.

The closer I got to them, the more I realized–Leah was drunk. "You dumb son of bitch," I growled, exploding with anger. I lunged forward, forcefully shoving Sam and jerking Leah out of his arms at the same time.

Leah slumped down into the sand, garbling, "Stop it, Jake," as Quil and Embry flew between me and Sam.

"He didn't do it, Jake," Quil shouted while he and Embry pushed me back."It's not his fault!"

"I didn't give her anything to drink, Jake. I swear I didn't," Sam hurriedly claimed. "I haven't drunk anything myself."

"Well, who the hell did?" I furiously roared.

Everyone's head snapped toward the girl they'd brought with them. Her name was Emily. She was the wild daughter of a wealthy attorney who had a summer cabin in the area. I didn't want to have to see her, let alone talk to her. She was one of the girls I hung out with one night at the beginning of the summer, when I tore out of Forks, licking my wounds after Bella shot down my request for her to go for a drive with me, but went to a movie with Seth the very next day.

"Someone," Sam snipped sarcastically, tossing a mean glance at Emily, "took her to the bathroom. When she came back, she was acting a little buzzed. I asked her about it. She said all she was drinking was a coke. I didn't realize I needed to check."

I cut a pissed glare at Emily.

"I didn't know this was her first time," she defensively retorted. "She's the one who asked me for a mix."

"I feel sick, Bella. Help me," Leah slurred, her posture swaying and wobbling as Bella tried to get her to her feet.

She couldn't stand up to save her life!

"Fuck," I gritted my teeth. "You had no damn business bringing her out here in the first place, Sam!"

Leah hit the deck again, dropping on all fours with her head bobbing slightly above the ground, and started to puke. Sam fell to his knees beside her and lifted Leah's hair to a ponytail. "I know. Don't you think I already thought about that?"

The worried, remorseful frown on his face as he tried to help her had me halfway feeling sorry for the guy.

Emily told us Leah only drank one can of whiskey coke. I bet more than half the can was whiskey. Sam held Leah in his arms with her hair out of her face while she barfed all over the beach.

All I could think about was how screwed we were. "What time is it?"

"Almost ten," Bella answered.

"We have roughly two hours to sober her up." I bitterly laughed, shaking my head at the predicament I had gotten myself in to.

Quil and Embry helped me make a small fire and Emily came back with a couple of thin blankets. We made Leah lay down on one and covered her up with the other. She finally quit gagging and passed out. She slept with her head resting on Sam's thigh.

I became aggravated when Emily wouldn't go back to the bonfire. It seemed to me that she was trying to be with Sam, sitting beside him, acting overly flirty as Leah lay there comatose. I'd finally had enough of her and told Embry to take her somewhere, anywhere. I knew all he had to do was ask her. She was one of those kinds of girls.

While we waited for Leah to sleep some of it off, Bella and I sat cuddled together, busy trying to come up with a plan that would keep us all from getting killed. I couldn't see any way out of it. I was already preparing to face the music head on.

Bella was more optimistic. "We're going need Jasper's help," she discerned. "We're going to have to tell him what happened."

I could already picture the rage on Emmett's face when he heard that Bella was out at the party with me. I was positive he'd feel the same way about it that I had when I found out Leah was planning on going with Sam. I wanted to kick his ass and tell him to stay the hell away from her. She wasn't going to become that girl that got stupid drunk, did something she regretted.

The way it looked: the minute Emmett's back was turned, I took Bella out, and took her to a place where she had access to alcohol, a place she didn't belong. While technically that assessment was correct, the situation was completely innocent and unintentional. I hoped he would be able to see it the way it actually happened, and if he didn't then I was the one who was going to be pissed. I groaned gruffly. _He should know me better than that by now._

"What?" Bella asked.

"Ah, just thinking about Emmett's reaction. He's going be pissed off enough, even without adding that I brought you out here. Just gives him more of a reason to object to you being with me … Rather have him against me than Charlie and Renee though."

"Jasper won't tell him we came out here and Leah got drunk, if we ask him not to. He knows how Emmett can get."

Reassured by Bella's optimism, I pulled her close and settled in for the next couple of hours. During the course of our wait, I ended up telling Bella all about the boxing match that I lost in Mesquite. Unable to hide the painful emotions that continued to linger inside of me, I told her how hard I fought and how devastated I was when they announced the winner, and it wasn't me, feeling embarrassed to see the deep etch of her sympathy. I didn't mean to come off sounding like a wimp, but that was how much I wasn't over the loss yet.

"You know. That tournament is going on in Little Rock, Arkansas right now as we speak. It started Monday and the finals are tomorrow. Man, I wish I could have been there!" I sighed, and smiled as Bella reached for my hand and wound her fingers through mine.

Out of the few other people I'd shared my aspirations with, she was the only person who seemed to take me seriously. I mean, they all listened to me, but I doubted they truly believed I would accomplish the goals I had set for myself. To most of our parents and the adults around La Push, boxing was just a supplementary activity that kept us kids out of trouble in our small tedious community. There was no real future in it. And Ben, who once had the potential to be great, was reduced to a has-been, an unsuspecting babysitter filling our heads with pipe dreams.

Ever since we were kids, Bella would be the first person out of the house wanting to hear how we did after we returned home from a boxing match and the first person to call us for results when we were staying out of town during a tournament. She gazed at me with such intensity, as if she were hanging on to my every word whenever I ended up talking about my hopes for the future to her, re-capping a boxing event, or merely mentioning which one of the older members of our club Ben set me up to spar with and how well I did against them.

I loved the indulging, affectionate way she looked at me those ordinary casual times. I guess that was why I wanted to speak to her the day of my biggest loss.

I didn't think anyone would ever understand the magnitudes of my desire and determination to succeed, not even old Ben. He believed that I could, just not that I would. Still, he had high hopes for me. I tried not to take his lack of faith in my dedication to heart, understanding that at his age, he had already seen too many young, wasted talents come and go, including himself.

Bella pressed into me and kissed me on the cheek, and I noticed the beautiful, adoring gaze I had nearly forgotten was right before my eyes again, elating me with a fiery kind of comfort. "Look at it this way, Jacob: after tomorrow, you'll know who you're going to beat next year."

I grinned, realizing that had I been in Little Rock, I wouldn't have been with Bella. "Well, if tonight's my consolation, then I guess it's okay that I lost."

She smiled a rosy smile while nibbling at her lip. I gulped subtly, before tenderly touching my lips to hers, admitting to myself that I was a goner, falling deeper with every moment that passed.

Two hours went by like the snap of a finger.

"We're on our way, Mom. Jake's going to come inside when he drops us off. He needs to talk to Jasper about next Saturday's boxing match. Can you put him on the phone?"

Once he answered the phone, she said, "Jazz, don't say anything. Just listen."

Bella summed up everything that happened, then gave Jasper instructions. "You have to distract Mom. Get her to stay in her bedroom until we get Leah upstairs into my room."

Bella listened a moment, irately replying, "I don't know how. Make something up, Jazz."

She suddenly skipped excitedly in her seat. "Oh, I know. Tell her you're having girl problems and you need her help. She loves stuff like that. We'll be there in a couple minutes. Call her in there, and _keep_ her in there until I come and get you. Oh yeah, take some of Mom's scented candles up to my room and light 'em, first … You'll see."

She hung up the phone and turned to me. "I'll go inside and keep Mom busy until you get Leah up the stairs. I'll send Jasper out to help you take her in," Bella said. "I know my mom's anxious to hear all about my night." Our eyes met. "Don't worry. She'll be glad."

"I'm not worried," I replied, smiling as we rumbled up the driveway. I always did get the sense from Renee that she'd be happy if Bella and I got together.

"It's a good thing Dad's on the night shift this week," Bella mumbled as she walked up the path to her house.

I helped Leah out of the car. She stank like stale booze and was deadweight heavy. Just the simple knowledge that we were going to have to carry her inside and all the way up to Bella's room to keep her from stumbling made me tired.

"Holy hell, she reeks," Jasper laughingly remarked, reaching his arm under hers and taking her by the waist. "Now I see the reason for the candles."

Leah woozily opened her eyes and noticed Jasper latched on to her. She let go of me and flopped her arms around Jasper's neck. "I love you, Jasper," she sputtered into his face.

Jasper and I whipped our eyes at each other, shocked. "What the hell?" I chuckled, listening to her humorously drivel, "You're the hottest guy in the whole school … in the whole town of Forks … in the whole world. I love you, I love, I love you, Jasper."

"Sh-" he whispered, his face glowing bright red.

I couldn't take it. I covered my mouth with my hands and ignited with laughter.

"Shut up, Jake! Let's hurry up and get her into the house already."

Jasper placed his fingers over Leah's mouth to keep her quiet while we both lifted her up to take her inside. She kept moving her face away from his hand, slurring at him how much she loved him.

Tense-jawed, he whispered back, "I love you, too, now be quiet!" as we carried her up the stairs.

I never saw someone so purple. Embarrassment was flooding out of his flaming ears, and he was sweating by the time we got her up there.

I couldn't stop my muffled laughter. "Better shut her up with a kiss, Jazz," I taunted.

He shot an angry glare at me. "Knock it off, Jake! She's wasted."

We set her on Bella's bed. She rolled over, babbling about the spinning room, and mumbling Jasper's name.

"Yep, and she's all yours until Bella gets up here." I snickered as I left the room.


	12. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

**_Leah_**

A person can't love somebody one day then not love them the next. It's just not possible. If it _were_ possible, it couldn't have been genuine love in the first place. And I believed Sam loved me–deeply and truly loved me. The immersed glow I'd observed on the occasions he'd confessed those wonderfully special words to me made it impossible for him to deny.

I got that I had made a mistake and he was angry with me, but it wasn't as bad as he made it out to be. He just needed some time … a couple days to realize that it was just a stupid incident. And the sharp throbbing spasm of pain I felt in my head that came with the slightest movement of my body was sure to keep me from ever repeating it.

I was even breaking out in cold sweats, trying to keep from gagging on nothing.

I spread the thick, cotton washcloth out over my palm, turned on the cold water, and held my hand underneath it for a little while before slapping the icy, soaked rag on top of my head as I slowly lay back in the bathtub, letting the cold wetness drain down my scalp, neck, and face. My head hurt too badly to worry about Sam's assertion for the moment. I sighed and moaned. Relief was nowhere to be found.

Barely mustering enough energy to slosh myself out of the tub, I weakly crawled over to the toilet, dripping water all over the red brick-patterned linoleum floor and dry heaved as quietly as I could, until some disgusting yellow fluid from my dehydrated, nauseous stomach finally made its way out of my mouth. I felt like I was dying.

When I finally managed to towel off, wipe up the floor, get dressed, and haul myself out of the bathroom, I met Jacob in the hallway.

"Good. You took a shower!" he snipped, his voice loaded with confrontational sarcasm.

I pushed my way past him, holding on to my aching head.

As if I wasn't feeling tortured enough as it was, he followed me into my bedroom, refusing to realize my ignoring him meant I wanted to be left alone.

He wasn't going to go away easily, nor did I really deserve for him to, in the first place. I knew the sooner I got the tirade over with, the better. "I'm sorry, Jake," I murmured, finding my way to the bed, sadness and regret already threatening tears from my eyes.

"Leah, what the hell were you thinking?" He glared, disappointment and anger evident all over his scowl. "What the hell would you have done if Bella and I weren't there?"

Slumping wearily, I frowned, without a single ounce of fight in me. There was no excuse for my idiocy–no acceptable defense. I attempted to explain why I took the drink, anyhow. "I wouldn't have done it if you weren't there, Jacob. Honest. I felt safe enough to try it because you and Bella were there."

Regardless of how ridiculous my reasoning sounded coming from my lips, after the fact. My claim was essentially the truth.

"Pfft …" He huffed, with a roll of his eyes. "Don't give me that crap, Leah. Do you realize how much trouble you could have got us all into?"

I closed my eyes and hung my head shamefully, wondering how I could have been so thoughtless, especially after I promised Jacob I wouldn't do anything stupid.

Everyone seemed as if they were having so much fun though. I didn't think a few forced down gulps of the nasty tasting mix Emily gave me would hurt me, and they didn't at first. I kept waiting to feel some sort of a difference, and I kept taking more gulps when the difference didn't come soon enough for me. All at once, the next thing I knew, I was sloppily hanging all over Sam, barely able to hold myself up… if even that.

"All because you're too mentally weak to _just say no_." Jake heatedly rambled on, sounding every bit the parent as Harry and Sue.

He was right. I _was_ too weak to say no. I let the condescending eyes ogling me–for not drinking, due to my age–pressure me. I guess I really just wanted to fit in, to be part of the crowd. Oh. I became part of the crowd, all right, the worst part of the crowd. I was the entertainment and the joke of the night.

Why didn't I just leave?

Each remark Jacob made lifted the guilt inside of me a little higher up my throat.

"I've been out there a few times. You didn't see me getting drunk, stumbling all over the place, and puking my guts out!"

I squeezed my eyelids closed and quietly uttered, "I know, Jake," as my shame sent tears dripping down my cheeks.

I buried my head in the palms of my hands to let him finish his rant, supposing his anger was justified.

He quieted once I sniffled.

"Leah."

His tone was gentler. I lifted my head, wiping my eyes.

"You better not ever do that again," he ordered, giving me a hard stare. "Sam better not _ever_ take you out there again. He got lucky this time!"

"Don't worry. He won't," I quietly assured, unable to control the breaking of my voice as I stretched out on my stomach, flat against the bed. I couldn't hold back the sorrow any longer and I burst out crying. "He dumped me, Jake. He doesn't want to see me anymore. He said he didn't want the _'baby-sitting'_ responsibility."

Jacob blinked and his scolding facial wrinkles eased completely away.

"And whatever you're thinking of saying, Jake, don't. I don't want to hear it!" I sobbed, glaring. I was unfairly projecting some of the blame over my hurting out to him, but I didn't care. "I'd rather you just leave."

I doubted he had any words of comfort for me, anyway. He never liked the idea of me going out with Sam in the first place. No one did. The thought that everyone would be happy to hear the news of our break-up stung, a lot.

Jacob dropped his gaze to the carpet. "Sorry, Leah, but you're right. I don't have anything good to say." He lifted his head. Despite his words, I could see he wasn't totally void of compassion as he went on to offer me his uninvited opinion. "Sam's almost eighteen. He really _is_ too old for you."

The silent tears fell harder. Burying my head in my arms while I listened for the door to close behind him, I let them fall free.

After a few more moments had passed, it occurred to me the sounds of his presence continued. I peeped back up.

Jake was leaning against my dresser with the oddest smirk curled on his lips. "Besides, according to you, you love someone else."

Jasper with his arm around me flashed in my mind. I stiffened with recollection and gasped. "Oh my freakin' … I remember!" I wailed.

Flipping over onto my back, I had the intention to sit-up, until the sharp pang of my hangover stabbed me in the brain, forcing me to hold still and relax on the bed. I reached for the pillow sitting beside me and smothered the visible humiliation burning in my face, feeling absolutely horrified.

Jake's subtle chuckles increased to full blown laughter, bringing more bits of the night, pouring into the broad daylight of my consciousness. "Oh no! What am I going to do now?" I questioned myself out loud, hating my senselessness even more and trying to find a comforting thought to help me to save face the next time I saw Jasper. "He has to know I wasn't in my right mind."

"As the wise, once well-versed-on-the-subject-matter, Billy Black has spoken on several occasions, 'drunken words are sober thoughts,'" Jake recited, speaking in the voice of his dad. Then he guffawed without remorse.

I embarrassedly followed with my own laughter. If anything, it took my mind off Sam. "Okay. Give me a break now, Jacob," I pleaded, giving him a smile as I stewed in my embarrassment.

He literally did give me a break when he told me not to worry about it. Jasper understood I was mindlessly intoxicated, and he reminded me that Jasper, also, never had the fortune, or misfortune, depending on how you might look at it, of hearing Billy's wonderful words of wisdom.

"Did you talk to Bella this morning?" he asked, on a more serious note.

"Yes … She tore into me, too!" I glumly revealed.

"Did she tell you anything else?"

I answered, "Just a little," sure of the conversation that was about to follow.

"Did she tell you I kissed her?"

Live excitement sparked from him. I rolled my eyes. He was worse than Bella.

But even though I wasn't in a joyous mood, I quickly decided the least I could do–after letting him down and virtually getting us grounded for life–was to rise above my self-pity for his sake.

I was also tempted to tease him a little and make him sweat. They were supposed to be keeping it a secret from everyone, and here they were both chomping at the bit to spread the word, after less than only twenty-four hours. I narrowed my eyes. "No. She never said anything about you kissing her."

He flinched, getting a puzzled maybe-Bella-didn't-want-Leah-to-know straightness to his face.

I held my own face expressionless, slowly finishing with: "What she did say was … that she and you made-out!"

He flaunted a huge grin, and I was actually glad to see him with so much happiness, Jacob and Bella both. However, I quickly remembered, and imagined the appearance of Seth's inevitable devastation hovering over the horizon.

"Are you gonna tell Seth?" I asked, hearing noticeable sorrow in my question.

He nodded and sighed, frowning worriedly. "Not until after the boxing match next weekend. I'm supposed to be helping him train, and that's not going to happen if he's mad at me. I don't want to mess with his head like that before a match, especially not this one."

I fully agreed with Jake's intentions, because every La Push boxer was passionate about the hometown win. They gave their utmost all during the yearly, local match. It was one of the few times they could showcase their skills in front of all the people they knew. The boxing gym had existed in La Push forever, and most of the dads and grandfathers boxed at one time or another themselves. Boxing was huge around La Push; the entire community, as well as a large Forks crowd, showed up to support them, and the guys always made it well worth anyone's time to attend.

"That's a good idea." I moaned, rubbing my temples in pain again, physical head-hurting pain for myself, and emotional heart-hurting pain for me _and_ my brother.

I gave my word to Jacob and I planned on abiding by it. Bella and Jacob had waited long enough for this relationship and deserved it. Once I had experienced first-hand how it felt for people to interfere with my love life, I decided no person had the right to stand in the way of two people who wanted to be together, two people whom I knew were in love–not even my own brother.

I pushed away, or attempted to push away, the new feelings of misery arching up inside of me that I didn't want Jacob to see, which I'm sure he didn't want to see either.

As Jacob was about to leave the room, he turned to me and said, "It hurts, doesn't it? Uh … you and Sam," in a way that led me to believe he could see the gloom I was trying to hide–clearly–versus the idea that he may have been speaking from his own experience.

I shook my head up and down, even though half of the pain he was witnessing on me was coming from thoughts of Seth's soon to be damaged heart and pride. I hoped he assumed it was my own heartache written all over my face.

"Sorry," he said, then closed the door behind him.

I lay on my bed after he left, thinking about the conversation I'd had with Seth about Bella just weeks before Jacob came home.

"_Why don't you just tell her how you feel already? Kiss her, and tell her how you feel now."_

"_I will when the time's right. What? You think I'm worried about her going out with that douche Mike Newton? I could see she doesn't really want to. I just don't understand why she is. But I bet you know, don't know?"_

"_Who knows why she does the things she does," I countered, mentally kicking myself for opening the conversation up to the very line of questioning I had tried so hard to avoid._

"_Whatever," he snapped, then added a softer, "I really think she likes me though."_

_He looked into my eyes with question, and I answered honestly and with a smile. "I think she likes you too." I silently added the words, "but she loves Jake" in my mind and frowned deep inside of me as I spoke them._

Whether Bella realized it or not, she did have an attraction to Seth. It was just buried deep beneath a thick layer of intense Jacob love. I had observed enough close interactions between those two to know this to be true. Seth had been spending more time, as of late, with her than even I had been. And they treated each other with such caring closeness, plus always being chipper and laughing when in the other's company.

Seth had a sense of it as well; it's the reason he couldn't give up. I had been hoping he'd buck up and call her on it before it was too late, but her behavior could be somewhat baffling at times. It was no wonder why he didn't. Her actions didn't always match her words, and her words didn't always match her feelings. Not that she was dishonest; she just wasn't always in touch with her inner Bella.

She kept many a guy at bay with her ever changing diffidence and body language. I think it was part of some type of defense mechanism she had.

I came to believe Jacob could also see this trace of attraction between her and Seth when I sometimes caught him staring at the two of them with jealous eyes, which I surmised was the reason he backed off for as long as he did.

That was all over now.

Being twins, Seth and I shared pages of firsts together, and if Sam didn't make up with me soon, we were about to share another one. The simple realization brought a new flow of tears from my eyes.

_Sam has to forgive me._

It was the only way I could be there for Seth one-hundred percent. I brushed my tears away, reminding myself that Sam loved me, then closed my eyes and floated off to a nap.

* * *

**_Seth_**

I finished warming my muscles by hitting the punching mitts Jacob held up in front of me. Then, sipping some water, I got ready to watch Jasper's bout. His fight was up next. There was a short intermission after him, another fight, then it was my turn. Jacob was on the schedule to box right after me. The main event, he was the last fight of the night.

The boxing match had a decent turnout. About ten local teams had shown for the event, along with a couple of Canadian teams.

The Center was packed; just about everybody I knew was in attendance, even some of my Fork's teachers.

The air smelled of popcorn and sweat. Not a good combination, I know.

But it was the energy coming from the local hometown crowd that always got to me. That level of excitement was contagious, and it was powerful. They loved us, and we loved them. It reminded me of how proud I was to be a Quileute from La Push, even though, technically, I was from Forks.

Our team was doing extremely well. More than three-quarters of our guys had already won, which added to the pressure to continue on with the trend. You didn't want to be one of the guys who lost in your hometown when everyone you were acquainted with was there to cheer you on.

Jasper exited the locker room and was standing near the ring, shadow boxing, while he waited. If he was anything like me, I knew he wished Emmett was there. I was sure Emmett was Jasper's main wing man during a match.

Jacob was mine. When I boxed, the only person's voice I listened for was Jake's. It was strange because even with all the yelling and cheering, his voice was all I could ever hear. I automatically tuned everyone out and listened for him to give me instructions, or give me approval.

Naturally, the coach told you what to do between rounds, but it's not always easy to absorb while you're dead tired and trying to catch your breath.

I'd listened for Jake to tell me if I was doing all right. If I wasn't, I'd listen for him to tell me what I needed to do to win. He'd say things like: straight jabs, keep your guard up, one-two, he's putting his head down–uppercut. I made it through some tough bouts that way.

Now that Jacob wasn't around most of the year, I listened for Emmett and Jasper's voices. I didn't feel as confident during those bouts, though. Since Emmett was gone, I wondered whose voice Jazz would be listening for, probably Jake's.

Jake was helping our coach in the corner. As a corner man, he wasn't allowed to say anything to us when he was standing beside us. All he could do was hand us water, the spit bucket, and use the towel to wipe away our sweat … or blood if it came down to it.

But Jacob would listen to the coaching, and if Old Ben left a key point out, Jacob would step a ways away from the ring–that was the only way he could cheer–and he'd let us know what the coach missed. This time, because Jacob's fight was so close to mine, he wasn't going to be able to be in my corner. It didn't matter. He was present.

I wanted to show him that I really had been working hard all year. Judging by the sound of his voice, over the telephone a few months back, he had been disappointed when I got eliminated at the state tournament. I may have lost but it wasn't because I'd been slacking off, and that's what I wanted him to see.

My opponent's name was Riley. I knew him well. We had fought each other before, several times actually. He had been like my nemesis in the ring when I was younger. Boy, did we have some battles. He'd win one time. I'd win the next time. It went back in forth like that all year long until he had a growth spurt and moved out of my weight class. I caught up to him now and we were about to face each other in the ring once more.

Bella and Leah were sitting in the front row. Renee and Sue didn't come. Neither of them liked to watch us box. They always became upset, even if we were winning. Harry had to work, but Charlie was standing in his Sheriff's uniform, near the back of the room, fidgeting impatiently.

Nearing my fight, a small amount of nervous-fear began to bubble inside of me. I wasn't afraid to box, just afraid to lose. I always got that way before a fight. I didn't care what anyone said. Everyone got nervous about losing, to some degree, before a fight. If they said they didn't, they were lying. Boxing isn't a team sport. It's just two guys. There's one winner, one loser. Should you be the loser you have to take the loss all by yourself. Nerves and fear were helpful feelings, according to Old Ben. They pushed you to fight harder, to pull every ounce of energy from your worn-out body in order to win. They gave a boxer what we called heart, and a person with heart never gives up.

I took a seat beside Bella when Jasper climbed into the ring. She smiled. Something about her smile always calmed me. She had faith in me; it made me feel good, and I always welcomed the opportunity to impress her.

"Are you nervous for Jasper?" I asked her.

"I have a few butterflies. Nowhere near what I have when Emmett's about to fight, though."

That made a lot of sense. Emmett was a big guy, a heavy guy. His fights were tough, because his competition was huge. When he climbed into the ring, you knew it could go either way. When Jasper climbed in the ring, nine times out of ten, he was going to win. Jake was like that, too. Me, I won about seven out of ten. I could be honest about that. Seven out of ten is a very good boxer.

Jasper and his opponent met in the center of the ring. The bell chimed. They touched gloves, and it was on. We were silver gloves so the rounds were only two minutes long. But it's a _long_ two minutes when you're boxing.

I could tell right away Jasper was way better than his opponent, Diego, a participant from Riley's club. He was decent, but not quite the same boxing caliber as Jasper. It was a sure win for Jazz.

As I watched on, I recalled when Jasper first started boxing.

_He had been real anxious to have his first match._

_We had already hit about four boxing matches, but Old Ben continued to refuse to let Jasper fight. All the guys Jasper's weight had too many fights on Jazz, too much experience. They were like me. They had been boxing since they were eight years old. Jasper was eleven and had never fought before. Coach didn't want to throw him in with a guy that was too skilled. A bad loss on your first couple matches could determine whether or not you ever want to box again._

_By the fifth match, Jasper was dying to get into the ring. He begged Old Ben to let him fight. He told Coach he didn't care how much experience the guy had, and that he knew he could handle it._

_Finally, Ben decided to match Jasper up in an exhibition bout with me during our annual boxing match._

_I was one weight class above Jasper, but we were best friends and teammates. Coach felt like he'd have some control over the bout. He told me to take it easy on Jasper, and to consider the fight to be more like a sparring session. We'd sparred before; it was no big deal._

_We stepped into the ring together, and the bell dinged. And we ended up fighting our tails off!_

_I started by throwing some mild jabs at him, snapping his head back a few times. Then he connected me with a hard, straight right that dazed me. I had to step up my efforts. I started to hit him harder. He started firing back just as hard. And he was fast. Man, was he fast._

_I couldn't let him beat me. It was his first fight, and he was lighter than me. How would that have looked? I had to turn it all the way up._

_The crowd was going bananas at what a good show we were putting on. The only people in the entire Center that weren't cheering were our families._

_Harry and Charlie were sitting right next to each other. I'm sure that was awkward. I listened for Jake's voice, but I couldn't hear anything coming from him either. In the end, I got the win, but I was exhausted._

_Jasper didn't care that he'd lost. He was overjoyed just having had the opportunity to step into the ring._

_Charlie was as proud as a peacock._

_Jasper was beaming when they took off his headgear, and still beaming after they announced me as the winner. We hugged each other. I said, "Dude, I was planning on taking it easy on you, but you were hitting me way too damn hard. You made me work for that win."_

_"Thanks," he said, grinning. "Next time."_

_We never had a next time. Harry was upset that we fought each other in the first place. He told Ben he never wanted to see us in the ring together, again._

_I remembered Harry's exact words. "Those two kids are friends. They don't need to be pounding each other up like that."_

"And the winner is … In the red corner, Jasper Swan," the commentator announced.

I stood up and followed Jasper into the locker room to tell him good job. When I came back out, it was just about my turn.

"Good luck," Leah said, as I walked past her and Bella to climb into the ring.

"He doesn't need luck when he's got all that skill," Bella said, smiling. "You're going to win, too, Seth. I know it."

The bell rang and Riley and I got busy. He didn't hit as hard as I remembered him hitting. He was still fast, and he had good moves, though. He was making some decent connections.

Jake always told me to use the first couple exchanges to really see my opponent, therefore, I made a point to always tell my brain, _look at him. Now what do you see?_

My brain answered. _He's dropping his left._ I saw it again. Every time he threw his right, his left glove went down a little exposing his chin. _Right hook, Seth! Right hook!_ I hit him with a couple hard right hooks, and after that I had his number.

The first round finished. Back in the corner, Ben said I was doing fine, but that I wasn't keeping my own guards up well enough.

The buzzer sounded for the second round. We went back at it. Riley had his left up high this time, so I threw a flurry of body shots. He dropped it again. I gave him two jabs followed by a clean straight right. He backed up and started to swing wildly, exposing himself even more. I had him easy.

I heard the bell ring for the end of round two and the Referee yelled, "Break!"

The next thing I knew: Bella was sinking into my eyes. There was a feathery white border hovering around her. She was an angel.

_Wow, what a dream_.

Hearing her whisper, "Seth," I cupped the nape of her neck and drew her to me. Delicious flavored cocoanut pleasantly seeped into my taste buds as our lips locked.

The feeling of two hard punches ramming into my chest woke me. "Seth, what are you doing?" Bella shrieked.

"Huh?" I didn't know what was going on. Bella was lingering above me wearing an outraged, crimson scowl.

The door flung open behind her. Jacob, Quil, Embry, and Jasper straggled in. Bella whisked around and bolted straight for the hallway.

I sat up, swinging my legs off the side of the table I was lying on, and shook myself trying to focus, and clear up my fuzzy mind.

"What happened?" Jake asked, examining me probingly. I noted rippled worry lines surfacing on his features. "Seth? You okay, brother?"

A sick-feeling knot grew in the pit of stomach causing me to ache in disappointment mixed with disbelief, as I steadily began to comprehend what had happened.

It was the first time in my life I had ever been knocked out!

* * *

**_Jacob_**

Jasper took his fight as easy as always. I got gloved and ready for mine. Once I finished warming up, I stood lightly throwing air punches, waiting for Seth's upcoming match.

The sensation of someone's sight tapped me. I knew who it was. I smiled, pivoting in her direction to see her better. The way she grinned at me made me feel like I should go over and kiss her before my fight, but we were still keeping it on the "down low", which proved to be pleasurable in its own right. There was a certain amount of excitement that came with sneaking around, stealing little make-out sessions every chance we found.

Seth was up. I moved a folding chair close to his corner and relaxed. I had watched him and Jasper spar each other and I knew Seth was in good shape. I wasn't worried.

He started off kind of slow, but he was doing all right.

Almost immediately, I recognized the guy was open for a right hook. I always waited before I called any help out to anyone, to give them a chance to figure out their opponents on their own.

I grinned, _there you go_, cheering him on as he saw Riley's weakness, found his rhythm, and started hammering on him.

I was positive he took round one. When Seth returned to the corner, I stood up by the ropes and heard Ben tell him to keep his hands up better. Seth went back out and finished with round two in the bag.

The bell sounded ending the round.

But just as the referee was yelling break, Seth dropped both arms to turn. During the very same instant, I caught sight of a late punch from Riley already swinging through the air about to connect.

_Protect yourself at all times._

The punch landed and Seth went down.

I leapt to my feet, stunned, as Seth struck the canvas. He hit, sitting straight up in the shape of an L. For a second, I thought he was only knocked down.

He turned to look at me, in slow motion it seemed like, then his eyes rolled behind his head and he fell straight backward. The rest of his body smacked flat against the canvas. My heart started pounding. The referee began counting him out. I lifted my hands to cup my mouth, realizing I was gloved. I hollered, "Get up Seth! Get up!" over and over again.

Jasper was at my side, bellowing, "It was after the break! He got hit after the break!"

By count number four, Seth sat up. By count number seven, Seth was standing. By count number ten, Seth had both of his fists up high enough for the ref to let him continue on. He walked with an ever-so-slight visible wobble back to the corner for a one-minute rest, and unsteadily plopped down on the stool. Ben asked him if he was okay. Seth nodded. Jasper gave him some water and he drank and spit. Ben looked deep into his eyes to make sure Seth was alert.

I swallowed edgily. "You good, Seth?"

He nodded again. He seemed all right. The sixty-second break ended and the bell sounded for round three. They touched gloves. Seth launched into an awkward swinging.

The way he was moving didn't look normal to me. He began to back up, and he wasn't landing any punches. Leah and Bella were sitting in the front row with a perfect view. I sat down in the open chair beside Bella, worriedly concentrating on what I was observing in the ring.

Seth almost looked as if he was stumbling in there. "His feet aren't moving right," I murmured to myself as I popped back up, out of my seat.

Seth's head was snapping back. He didn't appear to know what was going on. _Something's wrong with him … he's fucked up!_

Ben must have noticed what I had been noticing, because as soon I stepped beside him to say watch how he's moving, Ben pulled the white towel from his back pocket and tossed it into the ring. The fight was over. Riley won by corner retirement.

Jasper and Quil swiftly unlaced Seth's headgear, lifting it off him. Ben asked him how he was doing again. He nodded, mumbling something, sounding like: "I'm all right."

The doctor came over, shined the flashlight in his eyes, asking him how many fingers he was holding up. Seth answered correctly. The doctor cleared him to get out of the ring.

I spotted Leah, and she was crying. Bella was on the verge of tears, also. They came over to where we were standing. I wanted to walk with Seth into the locker room, but my fight was up next. Jasper couldn't do it because he was helping Ben in the corner.

"Go with him to the locker room, Leah," I instructed.

I heard her say, "Come with me, Bella."

Bella widened her eyes, as if she was asking for my permission. That was a little strange. I smiled and nodded at her.

"I'll be right back, Jacob," she said.

I felt restive because of Seth, doing my best to stay composed. Consequently, my focus was on finishing my fight as soon as possible just to go check on him. I planned on ending it the moment I stepped into the ring.

My guy was new, from one of the Seattle teams. Roule. He was shorter but beefier than me. I knew he was inexperienced from watching him hit the pads. You could always tell how good someone was by the way they hit the pads.

They called my name. I shuffled for the introduction and met the ref in the center. I heard the bell, we touched gloves, and I moved toward him, pawing at his gloves a couple times and waited for him to come in on me in return.

We engaged, throwing our first exchange of punches.

He lifted both hands up high in front of his face with his elbows a little too far out. His whole body was exposed. He was less experienced than I'd first thought. _Cake_. I threw a quick couple jabs to his head. He lifted his guards some more. I switched to the body and knocked three fast thrusts in to his ribs, hearing the gruff sound of a painful wheeze jutting from his lungs, as his mouth-piece popped out from between his teeth and fell to the canvas.

He went down on one knee, gasping for air and couldn't get back up. Twenty seconds was all it took. It took longer for me to get free of all my gear.

Quil, Jasper, and Embry met me as soon as I climbed out of the ring.

Everyone was pissed about what happened to Seth, chattering about how the punch happened after the break. Meaning, they thought Seth should have been given five minutes to completely recover. I wasn't exactly sure if it happened _after_, or _during_ the break.

As we headed into the locker room, we passed Riley in the hallway.

"Hey Dude! You got lucky with that _after_ the break shot," Quil mouthed off, stepping in front of him. "Seth kicked your ass all over the ring."

A smile twitched Riley's lips, followed by a deep chuckle. "Yeah? Well. Maybe he should learn to keep his hands up till the ref completely breaks."

Quil poked his chest toward Riley. I stepped in front of Quil and Riley backed up with fear in his eyes. "Good fight man," I said, extending my hand out to him.

He squinted hesitantly, but he reached out and shook it. "Thanks." He smiled.

I stepped back, out of his way, keeping myself between Quil and him, and let him walk by. It was disrespectful not to give a guy his props when he won. Quil shoved me from behind … he didn't understand that.

As soon as I pushed the locker room door open, I was hit with a weird sensation of–I don't know _what–_I just walked into. Bella was blushing. I tried make eye contact, but she lowered her eyes from me and hurried out the door.

"What happened?" I asked, initially referring to Bella.

When I witnessed the glossed sheen in Seth's eyes, my concern immediately changed. The blank expression that quickly turned to emotionally upset-ness, cut my heart. "Seth? Are you okay, brother?"

Seth's eyes welled. I remembered the feeling aired on his face, all too well. It hurts bad enough, just to lose. To get knocked out, and in front of all your friends and family, has got-to-be a million times worse.

"I don't know, man," Seth uttered slow and lumpy throated, fighting to hold in his tears. "I've never been hit that hard in my life. I was _rocked_ out of my mind."

Seth's watery eyes and hurting voice brought moisture to my own. "You had him, brother." I hugged him, instantly becoming lumpy throated myself, trying to sound unaffected while saying, "You were winning. If it wasn't for that late punch…" But not quite getting it to come out as un-shaky as I would have liked.

"Is that what happened? I got knocked out with a late punch?"

"Nah. Ben threw in the towel," Jasper answered. "You didn't get knocked out. Personally, I think Ben jumped the gun. It looked to me like you were coming back."

"Sh- I don't remember any of it." He hung his head. "All I remember is hearing the bell, hearing the referee yell break, and that's _it_."

I gave Seth my version of the events. Of course, none of us was in agreement of what we actually saw.

We were all amazed when he revealed he didn't remember fighting part of the last round, Ben throwing in the towel, the doctor checking him over, or even walking into the locker room after it was done. "All I remember is coming to and I was…" He quit talking.

I remembered Bella. "And you were?"

"I wa – I… was nothin'," he stuttered softly, with a weird expression. "It's all a blur."

Leah called Harry and let him know what happened. He got off work and came to pick her and Seth up. "Doc said it was more shock than anything," Harry explained to me before he left. "You staying at the house tonight? I'll make sure Sue leaves the door open for you."

"Okay. I'll be home as soon as we're done here." I told him.

Apparently, Jasper had been infatuated with this Maria girl ever since she had asked him to dance one time. After his fight, she was so impressed, she asked him out. He didn't think twice about jumping in with her for the ride back to Forks. The rest of us stayed and helped Old Ben clean up the Center.

There were so many fights. It was already ten-thirty by the time the match ended, and eleven by the time I got Bella home.

I parked across the street. I wanted to spend some time with her before she had to go inside. I leaned over and found her lips with mine.

Then blinding headlights beamed through my front window. Maria pulled into Bella's driveway, and Jasper got out. I briefly wondered where they came from. They left way before we did. He went straight inside, not appearing to have noticed my car. We hadn't told him about us, yet, but I had my suspicion that he may have known, just not by word of mouth.

"Leah seemed upset about something," I mentioned to Bella, thinking maybe it was because Jasper left with Maria.

"I know. When she went to call Harry, she ran in to Sam and guess who?"

"Emily."

Bella nodded, substantiating my thoughts about Emily trying to be with Sam. It made me furious to think she was the true reason he broke-up with Leah. Gross. She had already been out with half the team. Sam was an idiot and didn't deserve my little cousin anyway.

"I'm sorry I missed your fight, Jake."

That reminded me. "By the way what was up in the locker room? You looked strange. "

Bella fidgeted and silently faced the window. I didn't like it when she acted uncomfortable; it made me feel uncomfortable as well. I wondered what the deal was.

When she re-directed herself back toward me, even though it was dark, I saw her rosy hue begin to emerge. Her eyes fell sheepishly. "Nothing… I was upset I missed your fight, that's all. I shouldn't have been in the locker room with Seth in the first place."

"That's okay. Seth needed help. He told us he couldn't remember anything that happened within about a ten-minute time frame after the knockdown."

"Really?" Her surprise and distress was to be expected, but there was something deeper bothering her, something more than just concern.

I didn't know what it was, but I didn't like it. "What's up?"

"Nothing. It's just … weird. Dangerous."

"It is pretty weird. The doctor said it was more shock than anything, though. He'll be fine."

"I wonder what time it is." She tied her arms around my neck to kiss me, continuing to exude an odd troubled-vibe that I intended on asking about again, _but … not at the moment._ A couple seconds later, and I forget all about it.

Every time I felt her trying to let go of my lips, I started a new kiss that she would eagerly fall back into. She was already a little passed curfew. I knew it wouldn't do us any good to get her into trouble, but I didn't want her to leave.

I didn't have a curfew, at least not one from Billy at my house, but I did my best to please my aunt and uncle whenever I stayed with them, so I eventually had to let go of her for real.

"I better go inside before they start searching for me. Are you coming over tomorrow?" she asked. A question I heard a few other times already. One I felt to be specifically related to me and last year's stupidity, which brought on a ton of guilt because I knew she thought about me avoiding her, and she worried that it would happen again.

"Yep," I answered, caressing the outline of her jaw with my thumb, and immersing myself in her rich dark eyes. I planned on spending as much time with her as I could before it was time for me to go back to school. "I'll be here so much you'll be hiding from me by the end of the summer."

"Never. I might be hiding with you, but I'll never be hiding from you," she cutely replied. She gave me a fast kiss, opened the door, and climbed out. "I'll miss you till tomorrow then."

I waited for her to get all the way inside her house before I drove back to Harry's place. Seth was already asleep. Sue was up, and I was sure she would be up for the next couple hours, or possibly even all night to wake Seth up periodically.

As I climbed into bed, I thought about how great the rest of the summer was going to be. Once we got over the two hurdles known as Emmett and Seth, that is. I was worn out and instantly dozed off to sleep, blissful and otherwise carefree.

Everything changed over night.

I was awakened by Sue telling me my mom was in the hospital. She was really sick, and they were running tests. My plane ticket had already been paid for and I had one hour to get packed. My flight was scheduled to leave from Seattle in the next few hours.

I anxiously put my clothes on and went back to La Push to collect my things. My mind was a million places. I needed to get to California to be with my mom, fast. I was worried and scared for her. I needed to see Bella. I needed to talk to Seth.

Billy and I were in such a rush; I barely convinced him to let me stop at Bella's to say goodbye. Bella would understand. The only problem was, I wasn't sure when I'd be coming back home again.

Consumed with impatience, I exasperatedly huffed, as Billy leisurely drove the maximum speed allowed the entire way to Forks. Creeping up the road, as if going a meager five miles above the legal limit was a crime punishable by death. I leaned over to make a flagrant glance at the speedometer.

"Calm down, Jake," Billy responded. "We're fine."

I ignored him. I didn't see myself as being able to calm down and take a comfortable breath until I was in the plane, up in the air, and on my way to see my mom.

At last, we turned down Bella's block.

In the distance, I made her out, standing on the side of the porch, probably looking at the flowers, or brushing her hair. Who knows? _Good_. I had a little bit of breathing room. It wouldn't be necessary to go inside to explain my situation to everyone else before I could say goodbye to her.

"Dammit," I grumbled, _no such luck_, when I spotted Seth coming from behind her house. _Oh well, so much for a private goodbye._

Billy cast a nosy glimpse at me, but the aggravated grimace plastered on my face most likely deterred the question.

Bartering on whether or not to stop, I watched Seth stealing up behind her, and I did not have even a single minute to deal with him.

I felt Billy easing up on the gas right about the time Seth scooped his arms around her from behind. Then, to my disbelief, she wiggled herself around and … Were they actually in some kind of a hug? Bella's expression in the locker-room entered my mind. Instantly, I thought about what might have occurred. Did Seth confess his undying love to her, or what?

Whatever happened, neither of them gave me a straight answer when I'd asked about it.

"Just go." I angrily looked out the opposite window. Billy reacted startled to my cranky outburst, causing his truck to jerk forward. "We don't have time," I added. I had more pressing concerns to worry about at the moment, my sick mom.


	13. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

**_Bella_**

The long awaited Christmas break had finally arrived. I was devastated to learn that Jacob had decided to return to California to spend his winter vacation there instead of coming home.

When he suddenly dropped out my life without giving me so much as a clever explanation—or so little as a two-bit pathetic excuse—I had no idea he would go to such lengths to keep it that way.

_No, that's not really fair to Jacob_, I told myself as Emmett and I drove to the Clearwaters' to collect Leah and Seth for a spur-of-the-moment welcome-back excursion to Port Angeles, but that was the way I felt.

After surgery and a few courses of chemotherapy, Jacob's mom had beaten the bout of ovarian cancer she had been diagnosed with last summer. She was now tentatively in full remission. No longer was she frail and sick, the way he'd last seen her. He had taken a real scare, and if I were honest with myself, it was understandable, and also quite noble he'd want to go back and spend his Christmas vacation with her since she was feeling better.

I was conflicted as to why I had been eager to see him in the first place.

Maybe it was just for a chance to snub him the way he had snubbed me. Give him a nice, controlled, _icy_ welcome home—make him think his return didn't impact me in the slightest. Heaven knows he deserved to feel every bit as unlovable, as defective, and as ugly as he had caused me to feel, the lying ass.

Or, was it simply because I missed him and wanted to see him again? Possibly to hear from his own lips how he'd missed me just as much. How his world stopped spinning when I was no longer a part of it the way mine did when we suddenly stopped speaking. For the opportunity to have his strong, wanting arms wrapped around me tightly once more—holding me. Perhaps even kissing me so well that my head spun again with the clean scent of mild soap from his freshly scrubbed skin, while having the feel of his damp hair between my fingers, just the way it had been when he'd sneak over after boxing practices.

I sighed wishfully then faked a cough when I thought Emmett might have heard it.

The biggest reason I wanted to see him, though, was my endless need to know what went wrong between us. I wanted to know why he disappeared from my life so mercilessly. I felt I deserved nothing less than an open and honest answer straight from him … regardless of how much his words of rejection might hurt me in the end.

We skidded into the Clearwaters' driveway—Emmett was a terrible driver—jerking to a halt. Seth was the only person to come out of the house. We had already lost Jasper to Maria's self-centered whining and it currently looked as if Leah was going to bail on us as well.

"So much for a Swan-Clearwater Christmas reunion," I mumbled to a obviously chagrined Emmett.

Seth had grown taller, and his shoulders were visibly broader. I was somewhat surprised, though, at how much his face appeared to have matured since last fall. Elements of his personality often reminded me of Jacob, but I never noticed before how much of a physical resemblance they truly shared.

Squinting as he brushed a feather of wavy black hair from his eyes, he shined a bright grin.

Like his older cousin, Seth's natural cheery smile had a similar capacity to pale the clouds in the sky, ushering in a sprite charge reminiscent of feeling a bright sky after bad weather. I couldn't help but to grin in return.

His eyes locked on me for the tiniest instant. Sensing the rapid warming of my face, I looked away, clearing my throat and grabbing a tight rein on the startling spark of enthusiasm that easily surfaced.

I was no longer mad at Seth, but I had awkwardly shied away from him ever since the locker-room incident.

_Losses had always put Emmett and Jasper in bad moods, so I didn't think too much of Seth's remoteness._

_I got worried when he closed his eyes. It was possible he had a concussion and was trying to fall asleep. Leaning over him, I gently touched his shoulder. "Seth." _

_He opened his lids, his eyes lazily floating about my face. _

_Then, as quick as a hawk, wings spread wide and swooping at its prey, he had me in his clutches, unexpectedly forcing one bombshell of a kiss. It was kiss I didn't want: a kiss that I never could have imagined._

_I was riled to the point of wanting to smack him silly. In fact, I almost did the next day when he came sneaking up behind me, as I stood in the front yard inventing possible reasons for his uncharacteristic caveman behavior, and wondering what on earth he could have possibly been thinking._

_Fortunately, for his sake, he grabbed me in a defensive bear hug before I even got the chance to whirl all the way around and raise my hand to slug him._

"_Stop it, Seth! Let go of me." I demanded. Forcing myself the rest of the way toward him, I stubbornly broke free from his clasp, swatted at his forearms, and shoved him away from me. "What's wrong with you?"_

_Withdrawing, he retorted,_ "_Sor-ry … my bad." He grimaced as if I'd completely over-reacted to the way he shamelessly wrapped his hands around my shoulders._

_Fury burst within me. "It _is _your bad!" I scowled, gritting my teeth to control the rising of my voice. "You think what you did is excusable? Forgivable?"_

_A swift and surprised broadening of his eyes was quickly followed by a genuine apologetic gleam. He quieted his voice. "I know, Bella. I know. I really am sorry. Give me a chance to explain."_

_I glared at him, folding my arms over my chest and tapping my foot in impatience as I waited for his explanation._

"_Honestly, Bella, I thought I was…" He paused indecisively before giving up a loud breath of surrender and beginning again. "I thought you were…"_

"_Yes?" I impatiently coaxed, arching my eyebrow incredulously._

_Slightly averting his gaze over my head in a moment of thought, he blushed and smirked. But it wasn't a humored, taunting smirk. It was more of a shy, wary smirk. He was definitely stressing over the incident as much as I._

"_The point is: I didn't know. I didn't even realize what was happening … I ha-hardly remember anything anyway," he justified. _

_Submissively tucking his chin down, avoiding direct eye contact like a remorseful child who had just been scolded, he pleaded_,_ "So please, please just don't be mad at me, Bella."_

_His injured tone, and the quiet desperation, barely concealed, were what caused me never to tell a soul about the occurrence, not even Jacob. _

_However angry I was at the time, Seth was my friend; I cared about him. I didn't want to hurt him, and I wouldn't embarrass him like that. _

_Pulling away from him instead was better, I decided. It was an appropriate act of loyalty to Jacob, and a penance to ease my guilt over my decision to keep Seth's kiss from him. _

_After Seth unexpectedly left to Chemawa, choosing to attend the boarding school his freshman year, I ended up waving a white flag of forgiveness in the form of a birthday card I mailed to him while sending a special Miss You card to Jacob. _

_Seth was the person I turned to when everyone else was too busy; he always had time for me. He always made me smile. I couldn't deny the fact that I would miss his company in the cold and empty months to follow. _

Warm, heavy air flowed over my skin, contributing to the nervy goose bumps prickling up on me as Seth casually tugged the car door open. "No Jasper?" he asked cheerily whilst climbing in the backseat.

"Nope. No Jazz," Emmett answered, talking to him through the rearview mirror. "Said he might show up later _if_ Maria's up for it. I hope she's not. Kind of defeats the purpose, you know? I take it no Leah, either."

"She just now changed her mind. Too busy." Seth tapped me on the arm with the back of his hand. "She wants to talk you before we leave, Bella. She's in her room."

I entered the house taking a purposeful inhale, relishing the faint smell of sweet grass that Harry routinely burned each night in order to keep the spirits away, and recalling how I had once loathed the scent when I was younger. These days I found it pleasant, so much so that I even kept a sweet grass braid of my own in my bedroom at home.

Turning from the hallway into Leah's doorway, rather happily, I was flabbergasted to see her normally tidy bedroom practically torn in shambles. A sturdy silver foot-locker lay open on the lush foam-green carpet. A couple of smaller pieces of luggage nesting on the star-quilt dressed bed cried out to me like grating sirens.

I gasped_, not her too,_ my mouth falling open and the sensation of advancing calamity already settling in my stomach.

Leah exaggerated a sad frown the way babies sometimes did prior to bursting into tears. "Don't, Bella. You're going to make me cry, and I'm having enough trouble with the whole business of going away to school already."

I obeyed, grabbing hold of my lip with my teeth before I could involuntarily replicate her frowning expression, if I wasn't already doing it. "Okay. But why didn't you tell me you had made this decision?"

"Because I wasn't sure. I mean, I signed up a few weeks after Seth left because I missed him. My parents said I could have until now to change my mind. I thought I did, right up till last night."

I cleared aside a pile of clothing and sat, settling into the bed. "But if I had known, I could have prepared and got used to the idea. Now it feels like there's no time left for us." Christmas vacation always flew by far too fast as it was. "Are you totally sure?"

She nodded with certainty. "I'm wasting here, Bella. And ever since Sam, I don't like the person I've become. I feel so stupid."

I hadn't witnessed anything different about her since she and Sam split up. I thought she got over it fine. In fact, I admired how strong and level headed she was throughout the ordeal. "What are you saying, Leah?"

She casually lifted a sweater from the bed and began folding it, presenting obvious bleak loneliness.

Suddenly, the problem became crystal clear. Me.

I'd been a terrible, egocentric friend. Always withdrawn and too caught up in my own hopes and heartaches, I didn't bother to look around to see how life's ups and downs were affecting others. Not even the people I loved and cared about the most. I was unforgivably self-centered.

"Half the time I don't know whether I'm coming or going, and it's been months, Bella. I have to force myself to hate him. Most of the time it helps, but sometimes—" she paused to minimize the emotional crack in her voice— "all I want is to be back in his life. I miss him so much. And it's not right. It's not healthy for me to be so fixated."

The more she spoke, the more ashamed I became.

She was speaking a language I had full capability of understanding. We had so much in common and could have leaned on one another through our painful situations. Yet, I was barely just discovering it. "I had no idea, Leah. I should have been there for you. I'm so sorry," I said, blinking back tears. "Some best friend, huh?"

She shrugged. "It's not important. What is important is that I get far away from here. From _him_. Start over. Get some perspective on things."

"But do you think running away is really such a good idea?"

"I do. No offense, Bella. I know you've loved Jacob since, like, forever, but your relationship was nowhere near the level of mine and Sam's."

_Relationship level?_ What on Earth was she talking about? Then it hit me. "Oh no, Leah! You and Sam didn't ... Please tell me you didn't."

She was way too young.

She pushed a piece of hair behind her ear, revealing the reddened rim; a trait she shared with Jacob and Seth, that I'd come to learn was indicative of a blush. "Of course not," she softly replied.

However, it didn't escape me that she didn't look me in the eyes.

"I just believed him when he said he loved me. He told me he loved me, and I _whole-heartedly_ believed him, Bella. What an idiotic fool I was to ever trust him."

I was leery of her answer. At any rate, I let her off the hook. There was no point in me dredging up something she almost certainly realized, with great amounts of devastation, was a huge mistake she couldn't undo no matter how much she might have wished to.

Although, if I had been paying closer attention to her, or known of the possibility of Sam taking advantage of her sooner, he would have gotten a mega beat-down. I was sure Jacob or Emmett would have loved the privilege and still would—if they ever found out my fear.

"And to top it all off," she added, summoning me from my reverie. "I've found that I have twisted stalker tendencies."

"What? You're stalking him?" I probed, before slapping my forehead. _Where have I been all this time?_

"Not literal stalking," she explained, lifting finger quotations. "And … not Sam either."

"Who, then?"

She reached down, pulling open the drawer of her bedside table. "Take a look at this."

She held up a photo of her, Sam, and Emily. I recognized it had been taken the night of the bonfire. Leah was in the middle, cheeks pressed close to Emily's, smiling cheesily.

"You kept this? Why?"

"See what I mean? I'm obsessed with her. I take it out and stare at it at least once a day. I've memorized every single, obvious to subtle facet of her face, always comparing it to mine. Wondering what she has that I don't. Wondering exactly what Sam saw in her."

"You mean, besides braless boobs and a phony smile." I tried to make light of the situation.

She laughed a little. "Really, Bella, how _sick_ is that?"

_It's pretty out there._ I didn't answer out loud because fearing you may be crazy is what made you sane, in my opinion.

Reaching over and putting my arm around her, I gave her a small hug, briefly thinking about what Renee might say in such a situation. "We _know_ what he saw in her, sweetie … same thing they _all_ did."

She gave me a slight roll of her eyes, as if I were merely placating her. I thought how Renee must have hated whenever I gave her that look.

"I'm serious, Leah," I insisted. "Emmett told me all about her."

Emmett told me a lot of things about girls like Emily, and he told me a lot of things about the less than honorable tendencies of—what one might call—a "typical" guy. A little _too _candid at times, I'd often thought. "Believe me, it's nothing to be proud of."

"I know that, Bella, but it doesn't make it hurt any less."

I pulled together an understanding smile. "Well, if change is what you need; I'm all for it. But the healing process begins here."

I took the picture from her hand and lifted it before her eyes, my fingers meeting in the top-center for the beginning of a split. "Do you want to do the honors, or should I?"

She gathered her lips, holding back the start of a smile. "I'll do it."

The first split in half was thoughtfully slow. But her eyes brightened with each additional rip, until the entire photo was shredded into a hundred tiny pieces.

It was a job well done. Simultaneously sighing, we exchanged grins.

Leah would be fine; she was tougher than I was. She was certainly able to hide things better than me, although, I was having trouble deciding if that was a good characteristic or not.

* * *

**A/N **Sorry Jake didn't come back for vacation, but if he did this chapter would have been 3x the length of my usual chapters. As it was I had to separate this one into two chapters. But Bella will tell you all about what's going on between she and Jake in the next update. =D


	14. Chapter 12 Continued

**Chapter 12 Continued**

**_Bella_**

Emmett and Seth's quick exchanges of humor had me laughing practically all the way to Port Angeles. I was in a far bubblier mood by the time we reached the mall.

Excited and chatty people moved in and out of the busy mall theater and-captured by the alluring smell of white buttered goodness wafting through the air-taking in a holiday movie seemed like the perfect plan.

As we stood outside the show hall studying the posters and discussing what to see, the doors opened up. A few more giggling females filed out. Emmett and Seth's heads mechanically turned to ogle.

_Please_. I rolled my eyes, appalled by their behavior. Guys were so obviously about one thing.

"Hey, Emmett," said a tall, slender, tendril-haired redhead with cool ice-blue eyes, overemphasizing the swinging of her hips as she approached him. "What a lucky day."

"Victoria." His face lit up in a ridiculous smile, exhibiting deep, happy dimples.

Annoyed, I shuffled a few more feet away, so I wouldn't be forced into any small talk with her and focused my interest on the posters. The way she seemed to be drifting back and forth between Emmett and this rough biker guy named James earned her a top spot on my _people-I-don't-care-to-pretend-I-like_ list.

"Bella," she greeted.

I lifted my hand, acknowledging her over my shoulder without turning to see her directly. I didn't welcome the sight of the pointed stare she usually gave me, as if I was merely an insignificant ant she'd love to squash.

"I take it you don't like her very much," Seth said, gesturing to Victoria with his chin.

"About as I much I like cold, slimy snakes."

"Wow," he said, chuckling gently. "I'm almost afraid to ask."

"Bella, Seth," Emmett called out. "Victoria and her friends are heading over to The Rack to play some pool. What do you think?"

The rack was a grungy pool hall located a few blocks from the mall, the kind of place frequented by stoner types, bikers, and teenage wanna be thugs. I didn't much care for the crowd, or its wild atmosphere.

Seth shrugged. "Whatever, dude, I'm up for anything."

I glared at Emmett. He knew I wasn't a fan of Victoria or her mindless followers.

"What?" he retorted, defensively.

"This was supposed be a reunion," I reminded him.

"Tell it to Jasper and Leah. I'm pretty sure it was a bust when they decided to blow the rest of us off. We'll all hang out together later."

I glanced at Victoria who stood about three feet away. She didn't smirk, but her expression was gloating. "No thanks," I replied, shifting my gaze back to Emmett. "You two go on without me. I'll see a movie by myself."

Emmett squinted and groaned quietly. "Don't be a brat, Bella."

The spark of anger inside of me flared. "I told you to go!" I snapped sharply.

"Go ahead, Emmett. Go with them." Seth calmly intervened, always the gracious mediator. "I'll see a movie with Bella."

Emmett turned, gazing at Victoria, his eyes all over her figure. She sucked her bottom lip between her teeth, batting her lashes seductively.

_Ick._ I cringed, feeling a little grossed out and biting my tongue to keep myself from saying the word out loud.

"We'll meet you when the movie's done," Seth suggested.

Another second passed. "Fine, but I'll meet you two here when the movie's over instead. I'm not planning on staying there long anyway," he revealed, beaming at Victoria as she grinned back.

The way they were looking each other; it was evident they now had other plans.

Aggravated at the sight of Emmett reaching for Victoria's hand and strolling away with her, I grumbled, "Let's get the tickets, Seth." I looped my hand around Seth's arm and tugged him to the busy ticket counter.

"I just don't see what he sees in her," I said, as we moved into the snack-bar line. "Rosalie was so classy. And Victoria? Well, she's just trashy."

Seth looked about to disagree.

"Don't you dare say it!" I cut him off before he could get any words out.

The right corner of his mouth turned up knowingly, but he innocently asked, "Say what?"

Making my voice deep and sarcastic sounding, I mocked, "It's a guy thing."

Seth chuckled. "I wasn't going to say that but..."

Still riled, I cut him off again. "Emmett spends all his time hammering _me_ about the kind of girl I'm _not_ supposed to be, but the minute one of those very types bats her eyes or shakes her ass, even the best guys turn to mindless pups. Morals and self-respect, who honestly cares?" _Guy's don't_.

"A small buttered popcorn please and a medium orange soda," I ordered from the familiar looking Native American girl behind the counter.

"And I'll just have a Coke," Seth added.

She hastily turned away from us to retrieve our orders.

"Dime-a-dozen-girls according to Mom, and they're really not my type," Seth stated flatly.

"Dime-a-dozen-girls? Cheap, right?"

"Yep, and common. It's what she calls those girls with bad reputations. Damn. I'm forced to hear the lecture of how that kind of girl is worth ten cents a dozen, right along with Jacob every time someone like that calls the house asking for him."

Taken aback, I blinked, wondering just how often that was.

"You'd be surprised at how much my mom hears from her quilting circle," he said.

"Well, at least she cares." Which was good to know. "And do you both listen?" I asked.

"I do," he said matter-of-factly with a bit of a lecturing tone. "You should, too. Emmett's only trying to protect you. Jake and I would do the same for Leah." His voice dropped a little. "_If_ she'd ever listen."

I realized then that Seth must have known what had transpired between Sam and Leah. Of course he did. They were twins.

The girl behind the counter returned and handed me the popcorn and the soft drink.

"Seth, it's good to see you home," she said, handing his Coke across the counter to him with a brilliant smile plastered on her full, naturally dark-lined lips.

At first glance, she was rather plain looking, wearing her straight, light brown-sugar shaded hair-which matched her skin tone so perfectly, she was almost one color-in a loose ponytail down her back without the slightest bit of makeup to accentuate any of her features. The sparkle of her eyes when she smiled, though, brought out all of the natural beauty she possessed.

I squinted. I knew that smile. Flirty.

"It's good to _be_ home," he reciprocated in his routine friendly fashion.

Feeling oddly possessive of him, I slapped the money on the glass display counter. "I'll get it, Seth." Rushing him away, thinking to myself, _the nerve!_ She had no idea if Seth and I were "together, together" or not.

Once seated in the cool softly lit theater while waiting for the movie to begin, I proceeded.

"Perhaps if you... er... Emmett," I swiftly corrected, realizing I was being presumptuous. "Emmett. If he wasn't so hypocritical with his advice, commands, or threats..." I trailed off, attempting to word it right. "Or whatever it is he's trying to do-scare me away from guys, I guess. He'd carry more credibility. Maybe then I'd be more apt to listen to him."

Though, I did listen and I believed his warnings about the philandering ways, and sometimes deceitfully rotten motives of guys, more often than not. Why wouldn't I? He hung with enough of them. He was also more the model of a typical male than I cared to know, and he seemed proud of the fact.

Seth brushed a flake of popcorn from my lower cheek. "He just wants you to be wiser than the average girl."

I scoffed. "What does that mean? Like, smarter than the average bear?"

"See? Now you sound like Leah. I just meant better than the rest."

_Pure _was the term he was referring to.

"Well, I'm not better than the rest." I raised my napkin and wiped my mouth. "I'm just the same."

_And why shouldn't I be?_

Eyes doubtful, he gave a small smile. "No, you're not. Trust me, Bella. You're nowhere near the same."

Tinged with embarrassment over my lack of experience, my utter lameness, I rolled my eyes and glanced away. "So I don't go out with a lot of different guys. That's not a bad thing."

"Never said it was. It's actually a great thing."

I grinned away the uncomfortable compliment, trying to figure out how we went from Leah not wanting to take advice from Jacob and Seth, to _my_ social life, or lack of it. Hurrying to change the subject, I inquired as to his dating life. "So, are _you_ seeing anyone?"

He ran a casual hand through his mass of wavy hair. "Not at the moment. I mean, I have had a couple of girlfriends, but I'm not with anybody now."

"Still holding out for little Miss Special, I presume."

He smiled or tried to, but it came out empty appearing. "Nah." Then with a thinly veiled faraway look in his eyes, he furthered, "Not anymore."

I lifted my eyebrow pressing for him to continue, and he gave a quick shake of his head as if he'd just woken himself from a daydream.

"It's just that the guys over there change girlfriends like they change their shorts."

Jolting involuntarily, I practically choked on the orange soda I was slurping. I lightly slapped him on his thigh, laughing at his crude analogy.

"No lie," he said. "I'll tell you what. There's probably not a girl in the entire freshman class that hasn't been with, at least, _one_ of my friends already."

"And whose fault is that?" I asked, immediately wanting to place blame on the wandering-eyed male.

He appeared puzzled. "I don't think it's anybody's fault. That's just the way it is."

His face puckered, giving my question more careful thought. He pensively followed up his answer with, "But if I had to blame someone. I'd have to say it's all those _amorous_ boy-crazy girls' fault," emphasizing the entire last portion of his statement.

Antagonism rose inside me. Seth broke with laughter, letting me know he was only teasing me.

"Hell." He chuckled. "You're not very happy with my gender these days, are you, Bella?"

My angry flush switched to a duped blush. "I guess not." I smiled, embarrassingly nibbling on my lip.

"In all seriousness, though." Seth went on to explain. "The school is really not that populated. It's way bigger than the high school in La Push. But it's not very much bigger than the one in Forks. So it's easy to get to know everyone right away, to determine quickly if you'll like any of the girls more than just a friend. After a while, it just gets stale."

"Dating gets stale?"

"Dating for '_the_ _hell of it_' gets stale. I mean, I like to go out with certain girls. But what's the purpose in pretending that you like them more than that if you already know your heart isn't in it?"

I couldn't agree more. "Aww. You're just a closeted romantic, aren't you, Seth?" I commented, using a sweet teasing voice.

He grinned. "Whatever. But if anyone else gets wind of it, I'll be forced to claim you're the biggest BSer in the world."

Chuckling, I promised him. "Your secret's safe with me."

"What about you, Bella? Anything ever happen between you and Mr. Forks Wonderful?"

I shrugged, holding my composure, so he wouldn't think a topic of discussion I had fashioned made me uncomfortable and impassively replied, "That ship sailed a while ago."

The impression dawning on me by the way he referred to Jacob as Mr. "Forks" wonderful he had no clue about Jacob and me.

Jacob wanted to be the person to tell him, and he never did. _Why?_

"And now?" Seth probed, bringing me back to the conversation at hand.

"Now? Oh. I go out sometimes, friendly dates. But like you said, I know every guy in school. It's a sure wager my Prince Charming isn't amongst them."

A few moments later, I fidgeted uneasily, struggling not to ask the question I outlandishly wanted the answer to, more than anything. I finally conceded to myself that I had always intended to take the conversation there from the moment I embarked on the discussion in the first place.

"And Jacob? Is he seeing anybody?"

"Seeing anybody?" Seth made a noise that resembled a begrudged choke or huff. "Psh, you know _Jake_!"

I pulled my brows together, curious. "What's that about, Seth? Why did you say Jake's name like that?"

"Like what?"

"Like ... resentful or something."

"I did?" He shrugged, oblivious. The innocence of his reply convinced me there wasn't any heat behind the tone I'd thought I'd heard. "I just meant. Jake's Jake."

"Jake's Jake, the player Jake?" I cautiously asked.

Seth penetrated my eyes with an investigative stare. I tried to act casual, transparent with nothing to hide, hoping my tendency to blush didn't betray me. He finally answered with a shade of hesitance. "Nah, I just meant Jake's Jake. He's like a robot with only one operational program. And right now that program is to take the Regional Championship, and then move on to Nationals."

I blew out a breath of relief I didn't realize I was holding.

"Every girl knows he's not boyfriend material," he tossed in, I thought, minutely sarcastic. "But some girls love that I guess," he said, smashing the empty paper cup of his soda rather forcefully.

Lifting his eyes over my head and behind me, he whispered. "Jazz, over here!"

I turned to the right of me, and Jasper and Leah were squeezing their way over to us, drawing my attention to the packed theater that seemed to have miraculously filled without my knowledge.

"Dude, you made it."

"Ah, sure did," Jasper said in a fake southern accent he was fond of using. "Bros before ho,"

Leah slugged Jasper in the arm, glowering a warning of _don't you dare say it! _

"Lee crow," he ended with. He plopped down in a seat in front of us, rubbing his arm and wincing. "That hurt."

She sat down beside him. "My dad brought us. We called Emmett to find you."

As the soft lighting dimmed darker and the previews began, in view of the discussion Seth and I had been having, I drifted back to the days when Jacob first left to California.

_Nearly two entire weeks had gone by still without any word from him._

_Each additional day fading past without a phone call made it that much harder for me to leave the house. I could glance down at the cell phone a million times to see I hadn't any missed calls. Nevertheless, I felt compelled to glue myself to the home telephone just in case. _

_It didn't help matters knowing that he had been in touch with Leah a couple of times already. _

_I was beginning to feel like he purposely didn't want to speak to me, and I didn't understand why that might be. To say I was becoming neurotically worried and miserably sad would have been an understatement. I felt like a lovesick zombie with no will to eat, or sleep, or do much of anything else, aside from staying near the phone and trying with all my might to give the appearance to others, and to pretend to myself, everything was okay, and that I had nothing to worry about. _

_If I had known all it would take to get him to call was for me to force myself to walk out the door with a determined and true intention of leaving, I would have done it much sooner. _

_I halted on the porch when I heard the phone ringing, waiting for someone to answer it. I overheard Emmett say "It's about time. Been wondering what's been going on" to whoever was on the other end. "Glad to hear it ... No problem, don't even worry about it ... Bella?"_

_Practically breaking the door down, I flew back inside, as he was saying, "You just missed her," ready to wrestle the receiver away from him. _

"_Who is it?" I blurted, witnessing the surprised, yet baffled look on Emmett's face. _

_He narrowed his eyes like he thought I was crazy. "Justin Beiber. Who do you think?" he jeered. _

Jake!_ I answered back wordlessly. Biting my lip, I held myself immobile a partial second and took a quick calming breath while I reached for the telephone. _

_Emmett turned his back to me a little, curling the phone into his chest as if he wasn't going to give it up. Angered and roughly reaching around him, I was just about to start struggling for it when he let go, playfully grinning at me before he sauntered out of the living room and into the kitchen._

"_Bella, you there?" I immediately recognized antagonism in Jacob's tone. _

"_Going to Seth's," Emmett bellowed. _

_I waited until the back door creaked open then shut. "I'm here, Jake."_

_He made a sighing sound of relief. "Emmett?"_

"_He just went out the back door. Is everything okay?" I asked, concerned about the strong heaviness I perceived. _

"_Now it is. I didn't think he was going to let me talk to you."_

"_What did you say to him?"_

"_Just that I didn't have a whole lot of time, and that I was calling to talk to you. He tried to tell me you weren't home." _

"_I wasn't. I mean, I just left to go to the library when I heard the telephone ringing." _

"_Really? Good thing, cause I'm not sure when I would have been able to call you again." He started to apologize for not calling sooner. "Rebecca and Rachel had the cell phones turned off. Money's been really tight since my mom hasn't been able to work and uh..."_

"_Stop, Jake. I understand. You don't have to explain anything to me. How is your mom?" Leah had been keeping us posted with what little they'd heard, but it wasn't a great deal. "Is she getting better?" _

"_She's much better. But she has to have chemotherapy to be sure they got it all." _

_He sounded so worried and so sad when he talked about Sarah that I said a silent prayer for her to get well soon, right there on the spot._

_His mood changed dramatically, though, when he began to tell me what else he'd been doing while he'd been there. _

"_There's a huge local boxing club in the area that I've been training at. A lot of really skilled boxers train there too. Just the sparring alone I've been able to get in on is making a big difference. Some of these guys are so good, Bella, you wouldn't believe it." _

_He loved boxing. His excitement made me smile. I was glad he wasn't using all his time feeling sad and worried. "That's awesome, Jake."_

"_A couple of guys here, in my weight class, have already competed on the National level. I can really gain a lot of experience training with them. " _

"_I'm happy for you."_

"_What about you? What's been going on over there?"_

"_Not much." I wasn't about to let him know that all I'd done was sit around and wait for him to call. "The usual." _

_I made a quick mental list of what had transpired since he'd been gone. "Jasper's dating Maria now. He's behaving identical to the way Emmett was acting last summer. Totally love struck."_

_He laughed._

"_Leah and Sam never got back together." _

"_That's good. And what about Seth?" _

"_Seth?"_

_Seth and I hadn't talked since the day after the boxing match. I'd been avoiding him out of uneasiness and some left over indignation. But I thought he had been avoiding me as well, almost certainly, out of embarrassment. We didn't have to deal with it because Emmett started hanging out with him over at his house when Jasper began to occupy all his time with Maria. _

"_The last time I spoke to Seth was when he came over to tell me how his knockout felt. He was feeling um ... pretty embarrassed about it. I haven't really seen him since, so I don't know what's going on with him."_

"_Does Seth know about us?" he asked. _

_My heart thumped hard against my chest, a sudden rush of alarm. _

_I quickly weighed the idea of telling him Seth had kissed me against not telling him. Gulping, I asked, "Was I supposed to tell him? I can if you want me to." _

"_Nah. I just thought the subject might have come up. That's all. You two spend a lot of time together." _

_I almost thought I heard a jealous ripple in his voice but then thought better of it. Seth and Jacob were too close. Jacob had to know Seth and I had always only been friends. The kiss was just a quirky accident that only happened because of Seth's knockout. It had to be. _

"_That's all right. I'll tell him the next time I talk to him," he said. "I really should be the one to do it." I furrowed my brows in wonderment as I listened. "I think he might have a thing for you."_

"_No!" I practically choked in protest, my heart quickening and my cheeks radiating like hot burners. He couldn't be serious. Did he really just..."Did you really just say that?" _

_A thick silence aired through the phone. _

_Exasperated, I stammered. "I-I thought he had a crush on some other girl. He's never told me her name, but he has mentioned her to me a few times. Hasn't he ever said anything to you about her, Jake?"_

_He chuckled. "Settle down, Bella." I could all but picture a humored, perhaps questioning, look on his face. I bit my lip feeling guilty for Seth's kiss. "And yes. Now that you bring it up, he has mentioned her to me."_

_I brought my hand to my chest, sighing in relief. "And her name is?" _

"_I forget," he said. "Let's change the subject. I don't want to spend anymore of our time talking about Seth." Neither did I. "Now what about Emmett? How pissed was he when he left?" _

"_I don't think he was," I answered. "He seemed like he wanted to tease me, but he wasn't mad." _

"_Hmm_-_well good. That's it then I guess." He sounded happy and relieved. _

_I was too, realizing everything would be fine for Jake and me to openly see each other from this point forward. _

"_Look, Bella, I have to go. I've already been on the phone way too long." He hesitated and his tone hit that depressed note once more. "I don't know when I can call you again. It's..."_

"_I'll call you!" I interjected, now feeling welcome to do so. "Renee won't mind."_

"_Are you sure?" He sounded leery. _

"_Positive," I assured, and we made plans for the best times for me to reach him. _

_Emmett had made long distance relationship conversations sound difficult, stressful and fruitless. But talking to Jacob was easy. _

_I could listen to the boxing stories Jake shared with me to no end. There was a detectable exhilaration in his voice whenever he was on the subject that came across so passionate and pure I was grateful he was allowing me to be part of his dreams. _

_And the confidence he held in himself left me sure he'd be as successful as he intended to be. _

_That was a beauty all of its own. It was like he was destined for greatness, and he knew it. _

_Although, once in a while, if he missed my phone call due to a late practice or a boxing match he had attended over the weekend, he acted guilty and behaved aloof. As if it incessantly troubled him. Hardly anything I'd say to get him to believe that I completely understood calmed him. _

_Those conversations became a little tense. I could never be angry at him for pursuing his dream as focused as he did, and we'd end up wasting half of our already too short amount of telephone-time with me trying to convince him of it. _

_His hopes and dreams were just as important to me as they were to him. _

_I wasn't going anywhere. I was "his" girlfriend. His girlfriend was all I'd ever wanted to be. There was no need for him to worry that I might want a "better" boyfriend, as he'd sometimes put it: one who was closer, who could take me out and spend more time with me_-_because I never would want anyone else but him. _

_It didn't matter to me how far apart we were. And once we were together again, and before the next time we parted, I was going to make certain he knew precisely how I felt. _

_Soon, fall descended bringing the new school year along with it. Jacob and I had been discussing how we'd keep in touch with one another once he got back to the dormitory in Chemawa. He was anxious to get back to school, but he was also worried about leaving Sarah while she continued to recover from the after effects of chemotherapy. _

"_Her doctor said another treatment wouldn't be necessary, and that's good news. But she still seems sick. Weak and it's hard for her to keep food down. He told us she should feel better within the next few of weeks, so hopefully."_

"_That does sound like extremely good news."_

"_Yeah. I wanted her to be completely well before I left though. I don't think she likes us seeing her sick. She tries really hard to pretend she's better than she actually is." _

"_I bet that takes a lot of energy, pretending. Maybe she'll rest easier once she doesn't have to pretend for anyone's sake."_

"_I hope so. Rebecca is going to take a semester off from college to stay here with her until she's all better. So I guess I shouldn't worry too much." _

_We got back on the subject of phone calls and emails. Up until then, we had been talking once a week, sometimes twice if Jacob could manage it. He didn't have internet access, so emailing or chatting hadn't been a possibility. Once he returned to school, though, we thought we'd be able to message back in forth quite frequently, and we were looking forward to it. _

"_I know you're not the pen-pal type of guy, Jacob, but I think I'll write to you anyway." _

"_And I'll be sure to write back." His voice sounded eager with the idea. "I always would have, you know?"_

_I smiled. Renee had been right._

_Just days before Jake was due to leave, he called me. _

_I felt antsy about the change, somewhat insecure with him living near a dorm full of girls who may have had more in common with him than I did. _

"_Jacob," I hesitated, because, although I kind of wanted him to know what I was worried about, I kind of didn't._

"_Huh?" _

"_Never mind, forget it."_

"_What is it? Tell me."_

_Undecided about sharing my insecurities, I paused. Then I asked, "This ... this long distance stuff, it is going to work, isn't it?" _

"_You think it won't?" he countered, sounding urgent. There was a tone of worry imbedded in his voice. _

"_No. I think it will," I explained. "It's just that ... you know ... it didn't work for Emmett and Rosalie." And they were in love; I opted not to add._

_A moment or two passed between us. "Well," he said. "We're not Emmett and Rosalie. I want it to work. And I know you want it to work. So we'll make sure it does. Because, Bella, I lul..." He abruptly stopped speaking. _

_The biggest smile I could have had popped onto my lips. I trembled with goose bumps. My heart battered my breast. He was on the cusp of telling me he loved me. _

_A deep sigh preceded a tremble of his husky voice as he continued. "I uh... really wish you were standing right here in front of me, Bella. I uh..."_

Love you!_ He didn't exactly say the words, but I heard them anyway. I grinned in elation._

"_I-I," he stammered. "I just really need to be able to see you for this. I miss you, and I can't wait to see you again." _

_Being instantly consumed with happiness, and with such an intense love of him, I said in a haze, "I miss you too, Jake."_

_Never did I imagine I could feel so overwhelmed in bliss, excitement, anticipation, and most of all love, all at once. It was almost excruciating. I nearly cried from the swirl of concentrated emotions engulfing me. _

_I couldn't wait to see him again, either. The waiting would be agony. But it would be well worth it, hearing his words of "I love you" when I would be able to see the expression on his face as he said them, and to feel him all around me while I tasted the soft, sweet kiss of his lips. And then, to witness his reaction when I spoke, "I love you too" in return._

_Everything after that moment was irrelevant. I lay on my bed, lost to the world with enough elation to sustain me for days. _

_Until, I found out. He lied. _

_No more than ten days of him being back in Chemawa had past when I realized he had lied to me. His claims were nothing but cruel falsehoods. _

_He didn't even try to make it work. _

_First, he stopped replying to my emails. Then, he didn't call at our agreed upon time. I tried to convince myself that perhaps he hadn't the minutes to call or couldn't afford to. Or maybe he lost his privileges for some petty misbehavior. But after the third time I contacted the dorm office, heard the paging of his name, and was once again, asked to leave a message, I realized he was never going to take my calls. Nor was he ever going write back. _

My stomach twisted, my throat tightened, and tears readily filled my eyes. I shifted in my seat, blinking my lashes, resolved not to cry as I leaned my shoulder opposite Seth's, lest he sense the change in my mood and discover the quiet re-breaking of my heart.

Sinking into my chair, I folded my arms around myself finding that it hurt just as much this day, as it did the day I realized it was over, and I should stop trying to bother Jake.

Through the synchronized laughter of the audience, I hid in the darkness attempting to rebury the pain. Feeling Seth's gaze move toward me, I turned away, leaning my head back against the seat. I closed my eyes and pretended I was sleepy, glad he didn't ask, until the weight of my sorrow literally lulled me into a light sleep.


	15. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

_**Bella**_

It sounded like a stampede drove the door down. Jasper's anxious yelling of "Bella! Bella? You up there?" set my blood racing.

Darting down the stairs in a panic, I slid from the corridor into the living room, prepared for something horrible.

The sound of Seth's jolly laughter startled me. I hadn't expected the Chemawa kids to get back home so soon, and to be honest, I had been successfully - well, maybe not successfully, but semi-successfully - ignoring thoughts of the imminent summer vacation. I was tired of assuming and imagining and overthinking everything in my life. I was just done.

"Look what we found at the Dairy Queen!" Jasper exclaimed.

"Seth." I met him in the center of the living room and gave him a hug. He looked good, handsome. "When did you get back?"

"Early this morning."

I was about to ask for Leah when I heard Emmett in the kitchen chatting rapidly and quite loudly. I turned my attention to his words. "Not much, except for practically getting _jumped_," he said.

"Who's he talking to?" I asked, although I already had a fairly good idea who was on the other end of the line.

Not waiting for an answer from Seth or Jasper, I followed Emmett's adrenaline-laced voice into the kitchen.

He was facing away from me, leaning on the kitchen counter with the phone pressed to his ear. The back of his shirt was ragged and grimy, and his short brown hair was dirty and mussed. I approached, worried. He glanced over his shoulder at me and scrunched his brow, prompting me to shush while he continued to talk about a fight over the telephone.

Spotting blood heavily lacing the inner rim of his lips and a noticeable red gouge on the side of his nose, close to his eye, I looked at Jasper and Seth and demanded, "What's he talking about? What happened to him?"

"He almost got jumped by James and that bunch of losers he hangs out with," Jasper answered. He began to spill all the particulars. "Seth and I were standing by the tables outside the Dairy Queen, toward the back of the building. We didn't even realize James and his boys were on the other side. Emmett was in the truck by himself, talking to some girl on the phone. As soon as he hopped out, James was there - I didn't even see him walk past - pointing his finger and saying, 'It's you and me.' It was crazy. Emmett told him that he wasn't going to fight him, and he tried to step around him. The next thing we knew, Emmett had James pinned down on one of tables, and he was pummeling him good. There were so many people collapsing around them we had to force our way through the bunched crowd in order to break them apart."

Seth joined in. "By that time, some of those other guys were grabbing Emmett by the face and hair, trying to pry him loose to help James. But Emmett was going berserk, like a bear, too strong and too focused to notice. He didn't stop swinging until he was sure it was Jazz and me that had a hold of him."

Jasper nodded, retaking the conversation. "And then it seemed like we passed through a dozen hands, everyone pulling and pushing us backward until there were a whole lot of people standing between us and James and his crew, telling us to leave because someone had called the police."

"Frick. Emmett was fast!" Seth laughed. "One second he was shaking his head saying, 'I'm not going to fight you,' and the next second he had James by the throat and was blasting him in the face. James had a swollen, wicked-looking black eye, already shining before we even got 'em separated, which was only a moment or two later. That's how fast it happened."

I was horrified, but Seth and Jasper acted as if they were getting a big rush out of it - as well was Emmett, by the sounds of it.

Turning back to see him, I found that the conversation had switched to a party. "It's going to be at the pit ... We had to move it when the police started watching the road out by the cliffs ... Yeah, it's that big crater-shaped dip in the woods a mile past Newton's cabin. You remember?"

"He's going to a party. Are you going? I want to go," I said to Jasper. I hadn't been to a big party ever since Leah had gotten drunk out behind the cliffs last summer.

"I don't care if you come, but it's not up to me," Jasper said. He tilted his head toward Emmett. "Gotta clear it with him first."

Emmett clicked the phone off. I went over to evaluate his wounds better. "Let me see." I reached out and adjusted his head to get a closer look at his eyes and his mouth.

He pulled down his lower lip and showed me a deep cut inside where, he explained, one of his teeth had sunk in. I cringed. "Ouch, Emmett. That looks really, really bad. Are you sure it doesn't need any stitches?"

"Nah," he replied, shaking his head. "I've seen worse on some guys after a match. It'll be fine once the swelling goes down."

Feeling apprehensive with his reply, I followed him into the living room and suggested, "You better have Mom take a look at it anyway."

"Don't need to. In fact, we're out of here. I already told her we're staying at Jake's place tonight. We better get going, too, before she catches us home."

He leap-strode up the stairs. "Wait a minute, Emmett," I called out. When he stopped, I used a casual tone with just enough pleading in my statement. "I want to go to the party with you."

Keeping his back toward me, he slouched in an exaggerated manner and grumbled as he turned to face me. "What else is new?"

My forehead wrinkled as I wondered what he was grumbling about. I had never asked to go with him to a party before.

"Look, Bella, Mom's on her way home. I don't have time to argue with you, so I'm going to tell you exactly what I told those two when they asked," he said, glancing over at Jasper and Seth as they took turns bouncing quarters off the coffee table and into a glass of water, acting as if they weren't listening to us. "Number one, I'm getting drunk. Number two, you're not. And number three, Mom and Dad better _never_ hear about it!"

Excited, I grinned and then quickly added, "Agreed. I swear I won't tell, but Leah gets to come with me."

He made a growling noise deep in his throat but didn't object.

As he reached the top of the steps, I shouted, "Wait, what should I tell Mom?"

He laughed callously. "That's your problem." The door to the bathroom banged closed.

Thwarted by his answer, I sat down on the sofa between Jasper and Seth, frowning. "What am I supposed to do now? She'll never let me go to a party unless I tell her I'm going with you guys. But then, she'll probably have twenty questions for Emmett, and if she sees him like that, she might not let _him_ go, either. And how are _we_ supposed to get home if you're all staying at Jake's and Emmett gets drunk?"

"No problem," Jasper said. "Just tell her you're spending the night at Leah's, and Leah will tell Sue she's spending the night here with you." Seth agreed with a nod. "And we'll just ... figure out the rest later." Jasper decided with a shrug.

I grimaced. "That won't work. And I'm pretty sure we're a little too old for sleepovers."

Jasper focused on the quarter in his fingertips for a second, then bounced it high off the table into the water glass and smiled. "You and Leah haven't seen each other in so long," he said as he picked up the cordless telephone that Emmett had placed on the table and handed it to me. "Mark my words. A sleepover will be expected."

Upon hearing Mom's trusting 'yes', I gave the thumbs-up sign to him and Seth along with a thankful sigh when, suddenly, my stomach clenched into a huge anxious-feeling knot. After months of loving Jacob, of missing Jacob, then of _hating_ Jacob, it occurred to me - I was about to see him again.

* * *

_**Seth **_

Bella's face shimmered, reflecting the yellowish-orange glow of the fire in the center of the clearing.

I was leaning against the car where we had parked, high on a mound across from her, sipping on a Coke and remotely listening to Emmett, Quil, and Embry joke and raise hell with one another.

She fiddled with her long, chestnut hair without moving her glare even a little from the blaze, as if she hadn't been standing smack in the middle of the joyous, first-party-of-the-summer celebration.

As far I was concerned, she would always be beautiful.

The way she held her eyes, though, squinted from the smoke and heat radiating in her direction, and the somber way she positioned herself were so out of place from the energetic raucous moving about her that it was impossible to stop staring. It was like observing the focal point of a bland painting, where the only image outlined with definition and color is that of the subject, and nothing else in the setting ever really mattered. That was the way I felt as I looked at her.

She'd seemed excited and happy for little while after we'd first gotten here. But now, it wasn't hard to tell she was hurting - bad.

In the background, Emmett was re-capping his street fight to Quil and Embry.

"Then I saw Seth reach into the masses and grab hold of this babe of a blonde standing in the crowd. Come with me if you want to live." Emmett mimicked, doing a hilarious Arnold Schwarzenegger impression and backhanding me on the shoulder to draw me back to the conversation.

Quil and Embry broke out in laughter.

"There I am getting jumped, and _this guy_ over here is creeping on some hot little bystander."

I tossed Emmett's arm off me, smiling as I clarified. "No way. I was afraid she was gonna accidentally get hit."

"Sure you were!" he mocked. "I saw you get her number."

I grinned. "She gave it. I didn't ask."

"Too bad _we_ weren't there. James wouldn't have had the balls if we were," Quil said.

My attention drifted back to Bella. She still hadn't moved a muscle. I didn't like seeing her exhibiting all that depression. I thought I should go down and talk to her, but I didn't know what was wrong with her. Well, I kind of had an idea, but I didn't know how to make it better, and I was unsure whether or not I honestly wanted to.

"It is what it is." Emmett took a big chug of his beer. Then he lightly dabbed his busted lip with his hand. "That's the price for messing with a psycho's _ex-girlfriend_."

"Wait a second, Emmett. Whose ex is Victoria again? Yours or James'?" Quil joked.

Grinning, Emmett laughed, clanking his bottle against Quil's. "Touché." He took another swig. "Just glad Seth and Jazz showed up when they did to pull me off, or I'd most likely be in jail right now."

"Self defense," Embry said. "What else could you do?"

Leah and some of Bella's other friends gathered around her, momentarily blocking my view.

"Tell _that_ to my parents. I hate to see the look on Charlie's face tomorrow when he sees me. Maybe I could hang out in La Push with Jake for a few days, 'til it goes down a little."

Not even Leah could get Bella to smile and join in on the festivities. She and the other girls eventually wandered away, leaving Bella to her apparent misery.

"Should we take a stroll around the grounds? See who else is out here?" Embry asked. "Looks like a hundred cars are here now."

Bella coiled her arms around herself. It couldn't have been from the cold; she was too close to the fire. I downed the last of my Coke, squeezed the can, and tossed it into the trees, never removing my eyes.

She seemed to be reaching out to me with her misery and taking my spirits to Hell with her.

"You coming, Seth?" Emmett asked, turning around and looking up at me from a few feet already down the mound.

I didn't realize they had all walked away.

Emmett waved Quil and Embry to go on without him, muttering, "What's so freaking interesting down there anyway?"

A couple leaping strides and he was standing beside me again, stretching his neck, narrowing his eyes, and combing over the crowd.

"Nothing," I denied, signaling him to follow me with a tilt of my head. "Let's go then."

All of sudden, Emmett let out this annoying from-the-gut cackle, a laugh that lasted for at least fifteen seconds.

"What?" I played innocent, hoping he truly wasn't thinking what I thought he might have been thinking.

"I don't believe this." He snorted, continuing to laugh, shaking his finger at me in a_ gotcha_ sort of motion.

I swatted his jeering hand out of my face. "How many beers did you have?"

"Too many. But that's beside the point." He shined a razzing gloat. "I don't know how I could have missed this after all this time."

I turned and took a long step downward from him, mulling how I could get him to shut his mouth and quit following me as I resisted the urge to soar into a run.

_He's bluffing! He doesn't know anything._ I slowed my pace and shoved both hands into the pockets of my jeans, deciding to ignore him.

When we got to the bottom of the clearing, he clasped on to my arm and began dragging me toward Bella. Setting a rigid stance, I shook him off.

"Just come here for a minute," he insisted.

Warily, I let him pull me toward her, speculating what he had up his sleeves.

"I may be drunk, but I'm not _drunk_," he said.

We grabbed Bella's attention as we stepped past the invisible barrier that she occurred to have created around herself.

"Seth Clearwater, this is Bella Swan. Bella Swan, Seth Clearwater."

Bella questioned me with her eyes. I shrugged with a shake of my head in response.

Emmett stepped back, surveying us for an instant. Then he placed his hands on Bella's shoulders, maneuvering her close to me. He lifted my arm, positioning it around her, and took another comedic look. "I like it," he said relatively serious, cheesy-grinning at the two of us before rambling off to who knows where.

"He went too heavy on the sauce tonight," I tried to explain and slipped my arm off her the moment Emmett's back was turned.

Smiling warmly, she replied, "I gathered."

"I'm not even sure what that was all about," I alleged.

She shrugged, unconcerned, letting me know that it didn't matter to her.

The heat from the fire hit me like a blast. Uncomfortable, I ran the back of my hand across my forehead, wiping away the beginnings of perspiration.

"Where's Jasper?" she asked, gazing around us.

Stuffing my fists back into my pockets, I rested my backside on the car beside her. "He wandered off looking for cellphone reception, I think," I replied. "Are he and Maria still together? He hasn't' said, and I don't want to ask. "

She didn't answer, already back in a world of her own. I nudged her with my shoulder. "Bella."

"Oh. Sorry, Seth. They've been fighting an awful lot lately. That's all he's told me." She bit her lip and fidgeted self-consciously. "Sorry about that; I just ... I guess ... I shouldn't have made Emmett and Jasper bring me with them, because now that I'm here, all I want to do is go back home."

I didn't say anything, waiting to give her a chance to confide in me if she was willing.

"I didn't realize it at the time, but I only came tonight because I thought-" She abruptly quit talking and smiled sheepishly. "Never mind what I thought. It doesn't matter anymore."

But it mattered to me. I hated to see her so unhappy, and I knew I was about to do something that would probably end up being an action I'd later regret. "It's Jake," I casually stated.

Her short, airy gasp startled me. She tensed a little, and her face lit up, becoming more animated than I had seen her since we'd first arrived. "Where?" she asked energetically, her eyes darting all over the crowd.

_That_ told me all I needed to know. I swallowed hard. "I meant, it's Jake. You came with us just to see Jake. He's the guy, isn't he?"

She dropped her head down, twisting her foot in the dirt, and then lifted her face back up with slightly reddening cheeks. "It is Jake," she finally admitted.

My chest tightened ... though not a whole lot_._ It wasn't as if I didn't already suspect that answer, but it still hurt to hear it coming directly from her lips.

"Jake ... "she mindlessly repeated, her voice a dream-laced whisper as she said, "he's _always_ been the guy," making me realize just _how much_ he'd always been the guy. "Has it been that obvious?"

"No," I quickly replied, pushing my own wounds and disappointment aside. "Not at all. I just sort of figured."

"I didn't think I cared if I ever saw him again, but I guess I do," she said, "and I know that I shouldn't."

We fell silent, and the quiet tension between us started to get prickly. "He said he was coming. I thought he would have been here by now," I offered. True, but words used only to break the silence.

"He probably found out I was going to be here," she muttered, soft and unemotionally; however, the pain in her statement sliced me deep. I couldn't stand for her to feel that way. She was _Bella_, and all I wanted was to see her happy and feeling good about herself.

"Come on, Bella. You don't honestly believe that. Do you?"

She swayed her body from side to side, like a tiny flower shifting with the breeze, contemplating, and slowly answered. "I don't know what I believe anymore, Seth."

Looking me deep in the eyes, she asked with a hopeful glimmer, "Has Jacob ever said anything to you about me?"

I had no choice but to answer truthfully. "Well ... no. But you haven't talked to me about _him, _either. So, that doesn't mean anything."

She rolled her eyes away from me.

_Ugh_. That was all I could take. "Let's go," I said sternly, standing upright and taking her by the arm.

"Where to?"

"To find Jacob! There's about thirty or more cars out here, and everybody isn't standing at the fire."

We trekked from car to car, asking anyone and everyone we knew if they had seen Jake and getting loads of different answers, depending on who we questioned. I started to wonder _myself_ if he was purposely avoiding us because several people claimed they had seen him earlier, directing us to the routes they'd thought he'd gone or to whom they'd thought he was with.

Due to the darkness beyond the illumination of the fire, I steadied Bella at times, helping her stay on her feet in case she stumbled. But I didn't mind - I was used to watching over her that way.

After she almost did fall, she threw her arms up in the air, frustrated. "It's no use. We're never going to find him. Let's just go back to the fire, Seth."

I didn't argue. I was tired of searching for him, too.

When we situated ourselves back on the hood of the car we had been sitting on before, Bella sighed. "We're never going to find him because he doesn't want to be found." She lifted her finger to one of her eyes, and I recognized the twinkling of tears. "He doesn't want to be found, not _by me,_ at least. I just don't understand what I ever did to him, Seth."

_I do_. Or, at least, I thought I might.

It was all I could do to not look away; guilt was tearing at me, and I didn't want to see her cry.

The only thing I did want - more than anything else at that very moment - was for Jake to show up and take her pain away.

"If we can't find him, it's because he isn't here." I stringently maintained, attempting to provide her some words of comfort. "He's training for Nationals, and you know how he feels about partying and drunk people. When I get home, the first thing I'll do is call him and let him know you were looking for him. I'll bet you any money he'll drop whatever he's doing to go find you." I hoped.

She shook her head, disregarding my comments. "Then why do you suppose everyone else has run in to him, except for us?"

"Pfft, they're all drunk." I reminded. "They probably don't know who they've run in to. Leah didn't see him, and neither did Paul, Jared, or Sam. Anyone who _wouldn't_ be mistaken hasn't seen him." Which was true.

"Maybe," she slowly replied, yet added a sad sigh of surrender. "Either way, I give up."

She tilted herself to the side, her shoulder lightly brushing against mine. Briefly, I thought to put my arm around her to give her a supportive hug but pushing the thought aside because I didn't want her to get the wrong idea - considering my past screw-ups.

She needed a comforting friend, not a dope trying hit on her while she was fragile.

Gradually, I let myself relax against her, arm to arm, and I felt her lean against me, as well.

"Enough of this gloom," she asserted, her head slightly touching my shoulder as she lifted her eyes to meet mine. As I inhaled the thick, smoky scent caught in her hair and clothes, she smiled and asked, "So, now you know my secret, Seth. What's yours?"

"Jacob, where you been all night?" someone sounded out.

_Be careful what you wish for. _

I glanced over to the group hanging closer to the fire. Jacob was making small talk with different individuals, casually threading his way toward us amongst the crowd.

For some unknown reason-probably the_ get-the-hell-away-from-my-girl _look that he gave me-I sprung up and away from Bella as if I'd been doing something wrong.

"It's about time, dude. I've been ..." I felt Bella move in close beside me. Her hands were hiding in the pockets of her zip-up sweatshirt, shoulders tucked together like she was trying to make herself appear smaller. "We," I rephrased. "_We've _been looking for you all night."

"So I heard," he replied, honing in on Bella, gluing his eyes to her like I wasn't even there.

"Where you been?" I asked, but received only silence.

I slid my attention back and forth between the two of them, suddenly feeling like I was interrupting a personal moment, tempting me to back away and out of their circle, and getting the feeling that if I did, they wouldn't know or care.

They were swimming in each other's presence, practically drowning in it. It was weird and annoying, and it _sucked_ to have to witness it.

Bella's eyes were glowing with adoration, and her blush corresponded _perfectly_ with her cherry-glossed lips. Staring at him, she looked more beautiful that I'd ever saw her, except for one other time I could remember - the time she slipped off her porch.

She had the look that I first fell in love with, and she had it because of him.

Jake gulped, trying to take eyes off her but appearing unable and then, at last, blankly replying, "I was here for a little while. But I needed to go home to c-call my mom." He looked as if he was answering her instead of me.

I coughed, uneasy. That seemed to do the trick for Bella. Fleetingly looking over at me and shuffling forward a step, she asked, "How are you, Jake?"

"I'm good. How about you?"

_Awkward._

"So, how'd you get here, Jake?" I interceded, in order to thin out the uneasiness and bring back some bit of normalcy to the atmosphere.

"Dirt bike," he dazedly replied, giving me a minimal amount of attention.

"You mind switching places with me? I'll take your bike back to Billy's, and you can head home with these guys." I needed to get the hell out of there, quick. "I'm pretty drained, and I don't think Emmett's going to be ready to head out for a long, long while. He's ridiculously trashed at the moment."

Jake seemed to be thinking about my question, becoming more lucid. He instantly reached into his pocket and drew out his bike keys, giving them to me.

As I started to walk away, I replayed Jake's expression as he came face to face with Bella after several months. It was mixture of intense longing, deep affection, and simple heartache. _He's flippin' in love with her!_ Getting a taste of what Emmett must have been feeling when he had _his_ revelation.

I paused, scratching my head and wondering, for the life of me, how in the hell I had not seen it before.

The bald-faced knowledge frankly really pissed me off! All he had to do was tell me.

"_Clearwater!" one of the residential staff members hollered. Yah, short for his traditional name Yaha Uta, was a brawny_, _middle-aged man. He was about six foot two, and he wore a long, thick, black braid. He looked younger than he was and had a reputation, which warned us not to break any of the house rules when he was on duty. "Mail delivery."_

_Practically jumping out of my skin, I was excited beyond belief to read Bella's return address on the upper left corner of the purple envelope. She was hardly speaking to me before I left home. _

_I hurriedly began to tear open the envelope, being reminded that I had an audience when Yah mentioned that he also had one for Jacob, asking me if I minded taking it to him since I was already heading in that direction. _

"_No problem!" I replied, plucking it from his large, calloused hands before tugging my own card out of its envelope. _

_It was a simple birthday card. Bella wished me good luck in the upcoming year and told me that she would miss me. But I appreciated the sentiment like she'd just said she loved me. _

_Jake's card was from her, too - a black envelope. His was a little thicker than mine, but what really caught my attention was the smell. It was obvious it had been sprayed with some type of perfume. Bella wasn't the flowery type of girl. _What the hell?_ I stood in the hallway, holding the envelope to my nose, speculating. _

_Then, when I remembered it wasn't _his_ birthday_, _my curiosity kicked me in the rear. I couldn't stop myself. I didn't even try. Ducking into the nearest restroom, I swiftly opened it up. _

_It wasn't really a love letter. Just a few miss you words, some good wishes stuff on the upcoming boxing season, and an "I can't wait to see you again" signed "Bella" with a smiley face, and there was a picture of her. _

_The most I could get out of it was that she had a possible crush on him, unless I was reading too much into it. After all, she did tell me she missed me, too, and might have said more if we had gotten along better the weeks before I left. _

_I began to feel a definite surge of anger, though, and unsure of who with _- _Bella, Jake, or myself. So, when Jake walked into the restroom, I reacted without thinking, stuffing his card into one of my books._

"_There you are. I almost left without you," he casually stated. When I didn't say anything, he asked, "What's up?"_

_At that moment, I needed him to know what had transpired between Bella and me, and that I still felt strongly about her. _

"_Nothing. Look. I got a letter from Bella." I waved my card in front of him, grinning as wide as a clown. _

"_Oh, yeah. What'd she say?"_

"_She said she really misses me. I never got a chance to tell you what happened between us."_

But even after I gave him the opening, he never admitted a word about her to me, and I chose to ignore my suspicions, passing them off as paranoia and trying not to think about it any further.

Scowling, I angrily continued toward his bike, deeming he was just at fault as I was, maybe even more.

_That's what he gets_.

Still, Bella didn't deserve any of it. I rubbed the back of my now stiff neck.

I thought about Jake's lack of reaction when I descriptively told him what went on between Bella and me at the Holiday dance and again after my fight in the locker room. Maybe I had been in such denial back then that my mind was playing tricks on me, because now the memory appeared a lot like he'd sucked in his breath as if he'd just taken a hard fist to the kidneys.

I considered what _his _response might have been toward me, had I been "the guy" instead of him.

Assessing the intensity of emotions I witnessed and finally allowing myself to understand, my head told me: there was a high possibility I would have been in for a good fight.

But my gut ... my gut feeling was: however difficult it might be, he'd find a way to be happy for me. Sincere encouragement was all he'd ever shown me before, and he deserved far better from me than what he'd gotten back in return.

Debating, I hesitated, tensely running both of my hands through my hair. Blowing out a sharp breath of air, I reluctantly spun around and headed back to face the music.

Bella sat extremely close to Jake on the trunk of Jessica's car. She just as well sat on his lap. I almost didn't want to disturb them.

Freezing about a good ten feet away, I lifted my voice. "Jake!"

He leaned away from her, tipping his chin at me inquiringly. After whispering something in her ear, he stalked toward me. "What up?"

"It never happened the way I said it did." I straight up confessed, watching his brows furrow in confusion.

"Huh?"

"Bella didn't kiss me. She didn't kiss me either time." His furrow began to transform into a scowl. "I was the one that kissed _her,_ Jake, and ... I'm not even sure she kissed me back."

The cat seemed to have taken a hold of his tongue, so I continued, "I had no business making you believe it was more than that. I was being stupid! You can tell her that. She'll probably hate my guts, but go ahead and tell her if it'll make things better between you two." I tossed his keys back to him, muttering, "I'll find another ride home." I turned away.

He could hate me, too, if he wanted.

"Seth!" his burly voice deeply bellowed, a tone demanding me to stop.

I did, bracing myself for the anger that was sure to follow. When I turned around, he softly lobbed the keys back to me. "I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

I snatched them from the air, surprised, and nodded a yes.

"We'll go do something," he said. "If you want?"

I grinned, nodding another yes.

A few different emotions weren't hard to read - mostly understanding, some forgiveness, and there was something else. Pride. Jake was proud of me.

I couldn't say I was happy as I hopped on his bike and drove away, but I wasn't exactly sad, either. It was more like satisfied or content.

Happiness, I would work on.

When I got to the top, I curved around on the mound and stopped to take one last look at Bella. A little too far, but I bet she was blissful.

Jake was a tower in comparison - although, somehow, they also seemed to be the same size.

I shrugged, guessing I was more _able_ to see them as Jake and Bella "the couple" versus just Jake and just Bella than I'd have thought.

**A/N **_**Aww**_**,** _don't you just miss Jacob? Well, he's up next, and he'll tell you all about what has been going on with him._


	16. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

**_Jacob_**

_When Seth told me he and Bella had made-out a couple of times, I was in shock. She'd flat out lied to me. I stared at the mound of scrambled eggs and greasy bacon lying on my breakfast plate, my stomach twisting nauseously. Excusing myself, I half-mindedly wandered to the infirmary and told the nurse I thought I was coming down with the flu. _

_All I did for the rest of the day was hide in my room like a wuss. I lay on my bed in the dark, doing nothing but hurting and thinking. Did she feel so damn sorry for him that she had to make him feel better by kissing him? Why would she do that? I tossed and turned restlessly all night long and didn't get an ounce of sleep. They'd kissed, and she had pretended that she had no idea Seth even liked her. That didn't make any sense, especially since it happened more than once. _

_The more I agonized about it, the worse I felt. I'd been made a fool by—supposedly—the sweetest, most genuine person in my life. Who'd have thought she had it in her? Not me. _

_Come morning, I was stone-cold angry. _

_As for Seth, after I managed to get over the enormous urge to pound the crap out of him, I decided that I couldn't blame him for finding a moment to kiss her because I knew I would have done the same. In fact, I did do the same. Nope, that was all Bella. While Seth wasn't completely forthcoming, Bella had straight-up lied. Twice. Betrayal blistered red-hot; it felt like the worst pain in the world, worse than being dumped or suffering a wicked and humiliating loss, even._

_I didn't want to talk to her at all. _

_A couple of times when Bella called, I told myself to give her the opportunity to explain. But come on, what could she really say?_

_I was too pissed off. Pissed because she had me feeling stupid and depressed and pathetic—the way I saw some guys after they'd been played. Most of them were dumb asses who went back for more. I never understood that sort of guy; pride refused to let me be one._

_I didn't stay mad at her for long, maybe a few weeks, a couple of months at the most. I missed her, really, really missed her. But by then, enough time had passed that I didn't know how to break the ice between us. I didn't even know how to go about beginning a conversation with her—about _it_ or any other subject for that matter. _

_It seemed like the situation was too big of a problem to fix over the telephone. So ultimately, I let the problem of her kissing him and then lying about it go and I let her go in the process._

Now Seth was telling me it wasn't true. That I'd been wrong.

Crazy thing was: I wouldn't have cared if I died believing his story. I didn't care anymore. The moment I got a close view of Bella while she was leaning up against Seth, eyes clinging to him, cozy in the bonfire light, I realized that it didn't matter what had happened between them. I still wanted to be with her.

I stood there, watching for a moment. They were sitting pretty close to each other, isolated from the crowd—absorbed, like two people who were about to hookup for real. Something primitive flared inside of me, the something that caused a guy to stomp another guy's guts out over his woman. I headed straight over there with nothing on my mind, except for taking her away from him.

But those feelings didn't surface in time to keep me from making another misinterpreted decision and acting on it.

Earlier, when I had first arrived, I saw Seth and Bella from a distance. They were traipsing from car to car, visiting people, hanging out together, and going about their business. Same old, same old.

_No big deal_.

I told myself it didn't bother me, but even still, I left. I never considered that Seth and Bella were looking for _me_, and because I had already been thinking about going back to California for the summer, that was what I decided to do. I needed the more diverse training if I even hoped to do a good job at the national tournament. Billy had been sober for a few years; he got along just fine without me, and since Bella and I were long over, there were no more reasons to be in La Push.

Once my parents agreed, I felt like I could breathe easier, and I came back to the party.

If only I'd waited until after I had a chance to talk with Bella—to see her face to face, at least—to find out if there was anything left between us.

_What the hell_. I huffed. _Always an idiot._

Slowly, Seth sulked away. He was heart-hurt and crumbling. He looked the way I'd felt all those months ago. We were in such a fucked up situation.

Nah, I wouldn't blame him to repair my relationship with her. It was my dishonesty with Seth and my misjudgment of Bella that brought us to this point. I had to find another way to make Bella and me right without using him as an excuse.

She never kissed him, not on purpose. Taking a harsh breath, I ran a tight hand down my mouth and chin and turned toward Bella. She was no longer sitting on the car but standing by it, and her attention was on the crowd.

_Now what?_

She smoothed her hand through her hair, gathering an arm full, and swept it all to the front of her shoulder. My eyes lingered on her, casual and alluring with a detectable pout on the soft curves of her cherry lips—attractive far beyond anyone _and_ _everyone_. I wet my lips. How had I managed to let a misunderstanding obliterate our relationship and keep me away from her?

Admiring her, I found the bright side of the situation. She was here; so was I! Super invigorated, I grinned.

Before Seth's interruption, we had been sitting together uncomfortably close and forcing dull and meaningless talk. It was terrible to be near her and experiencing such a strain between us. My palm had rested flat against the trunk of the car mere centimeters behind her. If she had leaned back just a smidgen, she would have been leaning against me. If I had leaned forward just a tad, I would have been holding her. But there was an obvious gap of _cold_, unfriendly space separating the two of us as solid as a marble wall.

She looked up at me as I approached. Examining her expression, I sought a place to start, some words to say. But the only thoughts coming to mind were: I love you. I miss you, I'm sorry, and … "I was a dick," I blurted.

Pulling her eyebrows together, she stopped me with a hard, unforgiving stare. "Why, Jake?" she asked with a very serious tone, lifting her chin challengingly and glaring directly into my eyes. She'd been waiting for this discussion.

Somewhat startled by the scorn that appeared on her face, I rubbed my lips together and rose up and down on my tip toes, unable to articulate an explanation. It was too bad I couldn't skip past this portion of the night.

"I'm sorry, Bella." I started to explain. "It was just that … Well, we weren't together for so long, and I forgot what it was like between us. How good we were together. How perfect you were …" I didn't get the chance to say "_for me._"

She scowled, bursting, "Don't you dare do that to me, Jacob Black!" Her voice was trembling. "Don't give me some absurd _guy_ _line_ to try to confuse me. I'm not a _fool_. It's ridiculous and it's insulting!"

My eyes shot open. I didn't expect this much animosity.

But as hostile as she sounded, it didn't quite mask the wounded note imbedded in her voice.

I glanced over her head for a moment to gather my thoughts. How was I going to do this without bringing Seth's name up? _I could kiss her. She'll probably smack me_. "I know it sounds ridiculous, Bella, and maybe it doesn't make sense to you. But if you'll just listen ..."

She was turning away from me, gazing at the raging fire some kids newly stoked, her eyes narrowing angrily and raging just as fierce as the fire. "Don't make anything up on my account," she grumbled sarcastically.

I was the one who should have been furious. Another guy had kissed her while we were going out, my cousin to boot, and she intentionally kept it from me. Here _I_ was on the verge of begging _her_ to forgive _me_ for being upset about it. I hated to argue with her though. I just wanted to be with her. I wanted to touch her again, hold her again, and kiss her again. "I know I messed us up, Bella." I conceded without hesitation. "I did it because … I did it because … because I was jealous."

I reached deep inside for that answer, and as soon as I said it, I knew it was completely true.

"Jealous? Jealous of what, Jake?" she asked, her voice insisting.

"Of everybody," I explained. "I was jealous of every guy who got to be here with you when I couldn't." Her face didn't show any emotions, but she was listening. "I was afraid we might not be able to last, being so far apart and everything. Then, once I messed up, I didn't know how to go back and fix it."

"You messed up?" she questioned, eyes large and round. "Jake." She frowned, looking crushed. The lower rims of her eyes began to glisten.

I reached out, placing my hands on her shoulders. She attempted to pull herself away. "Not like that, Bella. I never messed up like that," I quickly corrected. "I didn't cheat on you." It had been over for _weeks_ before I went out with someone else. But now wasn't the time to bring that up. The conversation we were having was difficult enough. "I just didn't talk to you is all."

"Because you were jealous," she reiterated, flat and thick with ridicule. Fighting tears, she blinked and refused to make eye-contact with me.

"You're right. I'm not making any sense, but it's true. Look, you wrote to Seth." It was impossible to keep his name _completely_ out of it. "I got pissed off and jealous of your friendship with him."

She turned and glared at me in disbelief. "Seth?" She scoffed. "It was just a birthday card, Jacob, and it was _Seth_!"

Angered by her display of innocence, I pursed my lips and buried the urge to summon what I knew for reprieve. It took an ocean of control not to fire back.

Her tone dropped, soft and sad sounding, and she choked. "I wrote to you too, you know?"

_Damn it, Seth! _

Barely holding in my growl, jaws clenched, I breathed deeply to calm myself. "Like I said, Bella, I really messed up. I should have told you how I was feeling, what I was thinking, but I didn't." Caught in the moment, I leaned, pressing a kiss to her forehead. She closed her eyes. I gently brushed my thumb across the shiny damp spot on her cheek as she opened them back up, disgusted with myself and Seth for hurting her. "After I pouted and acted like a prick, I didn't know what to do. I couldn't admit it. I didn't know how to, and I didn't want to talk about it over the phone. Where would it have led? To a fight? To us breaking up?"

"We broke up anyway," she mumbled.

"I—I know we did," I said, lowering my head, sorry.

"So what was the point then, Jacob?"

The point was: I didn't have to be afraid of losing her anymore. I stayed quiet for a second. "I guess there wasn't one."

Over in the party crowd, someone spoke my name. Turning in their direction, I caught sight of Embry, Quil, and Emmett with a group of female partygoers making their way down the hill.

I abruptly scooped my arm around Bella's hips to usher her away before they spotted us. She had curves she didn't have last summer. A brief image of her without her zip-up sweater claimed a moment's attention.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

I grabbed her by the arm as she started to protest. "Come here," I said, tugging her to a nearby pickup truck. "It's Emmett and them. I don't want them to see us."

"So what? All we're doing is talking." Looking behind us, she tried to pull her arm from me. I held on to her. "Besides, Emmett doesn't care."

"I know he doesn't. I'm not done talking to you, though."

She bit her lip, leery.

"Just …" I released her arm and scrubbed at my forehead with my fingertips. "Can I talk to you alone for a little while longer, Bella? Please."

Jared bellowed my name. "He was standing right over there," he told Emmett and the guys, pointing at the car we'd moved away from.

I ducked below the window of the pickup truck's cab, yanking Bella down with me. Our eyes met. I raised my eyebrow. The hint of a smile that softened her features was as welcome as a green spring morning. She nodded her approval. Brushing my hand over hers, warm and soft and slightly trembling, our fingers locked together and we swiftly crept away.

Upon reaching the dark cover of the trees, Bella spread her fingers rigidly. I flinched a little, but I instantly let her hand slip from mine.

"I don't know what I'm supposed to do or say, Jake," she said in quiet voice of question.

I frowned, my mind refusing my mouth some urgently needed words of charm, of poetry, or of just a freakin' logical explanation so she could find in her heart to forgive me. All I could hear was my heart pounding in my ears like a drum.

"What do you want from me now? I mean, where do we go from here?" she asked.

There wasn't the smallest indication she wanted anything more to do with me, none that I could see.

_Maybe my hasty decision wasn't so hasty after all. _

I gulped, the realization sinking in that she didn't want to be with me anymore. What did I expect? "Can we at least be friends again, Bella? I don't know … just talk sometimes or something?" If that was all I could have from her, so be it. Girlfriend or not, I wanted her in my life.

She glanced down at the ground for a minute that felt like an hour, a very long hour. When she lifted her head, she was smiling. "I can do that."

So much relief washed through me that my level of energy completely drained. I felt exhausted.

Even though I wasn't excited with the idea of just being friends, I planted a wide smile on my face. I could take it or leave it, and I was taking it. "I'm glad," I said.

We stood in awkward silence a moment or two longer. Clearing my throat, I asked, "Well, shall we go back to the party then?"

"Okay." She tucked her hands into her sweater pockets—I guess she didn't want me to try to hold her hand again—and took a couple of steps. A dull thud came from her shoe hitting against something. She buckled, tumbling to the ground, her thick, dark hair whipping through the air close behind.

"You all right?" I asked, instantly reaching for her.

I couldn't hold back my grin as she rolled her eyes, her color flaming. She nodded, allowed me to lift her up, and quickly brushed the muck from her jeans.

We gazed at each other, trying to control our smiles. Spreading my fingers wide, I held out my arm, offering her my hand. She grinned and accepted.

Stopping once we reached the bottom of the crater, we let go of each other's hand. Seeing her wipe her palm on her jeans like she was somehow wiping away my touch made me think about just how hard she'd have to work just to be friends with me–another blow to my ego.

I tried to conceal my grimace of frustration as I said, "I don't see Emmett down there anywhere. Are you ready?"

"Yep," she said and took a step forward.

I wasn't ready. She was the only person I wanted to hang out with. I dreaded leaving things as they were.

When she took another step, a moment of desperation prompted me to spout, "Bella." I urgently grasped the sleeve of her sweater with my fingers. She paused, turned, and tilted her head toward me. Thoughts of rejection clashed with passionate feelings as I looked into her eyes. "I missed you." My breath, along with a stutter, caught in my voice. "I … I always miss you, Bella."

I felt like I ceased functioning while I waited for her response.

She just stood there looking at me with a blank, hard-to-read expression on her face.

Discouraged and afraid to say anymore, I thought:_ I love you, Bella._

Then, almost as if I had said it out loud, her eyelashes fluttered, her face brightening to emphasize an emerging smile. "I missed you too, Jake," she said, and in a blink, she was pressed against my chest, her arms tangled around me, her breath wonderful and sweet on my neck.

I wrapped my arms around her waist just as tightly and buried my face into her hair.


	17. Chapter 15

**A/N**_ I'm so happy to be posting this update, and I know its been so so long, but without further ado..._

* * *

**Previously in Jacob's POV:**

When she took another step, a moment of desperation prompted me to spout, "Bella." I urgently grasped the sleeve of her sweater with my fingers. She paused, turned, and tilted her head toward me. Thoughts of rejection clashed with passionate feelings as I looked into her eyes. "I missed you." My breath, along with a stutter, caught in my voice. "I … I always miss you, Bella."

I felt like I ceased functioning while I waited for her response.

She just stood there looking at me with a blank, hard-to-read expression on her face.

Discouraged and afraid to say anymore, I thought:_ I love you, Bella._

Then, almost as if I had said it out loud, her eyelashes fluttered, her face brightening to emphasize an emerging smile. "I missed you too, Jake," she said, and in a blink, she was pressed against my chest, her arms tangled around me, her breath wonderful and sweet on my neck.

I wrapped my arms around her waist just as tightly and buried my face into her hair.

* * *

**Chapter** **15**

**_Bella_**

Leah's breathless voice popped suddenly from the shadows. "There you two are."

I gasped and Jacob gave a soft groan, letting his taut arms and warm hands that had been applying a slight pressure to the flesh above the low hips of my jeans slip away the moment I pulled back.

The mutually enthusiastic embrace had been like a sigh of alleviation. I underestimated how much I'd wanted it and how good it would feel.

"We've been looking for you all night," she said.

"Who's we?" Jacob asked with little interest. His eyes remained on me a moment longer before he let out a disgruntled breath and turned to face Leah.

"Everybody. Where'd you two go anyway?" she asked. One of her eyebrows lifted as she directed her question from him to me with a glance.

"Just for a little walk," I replied.

Her lips turned down regretfully. "I interrupted something."

"No," I exclaimed. She only helped me do what I couldn't find the strength to do myself, which was to pry my telltale body away from his.

Even within the most realistic daydreams I had entertained, I made Jacob grovel for forgiveness for days before I gave him the time of day. Occasionally, I even cut the conversation short with a slap—but leaping into his arms after a simple _I missed you?_

I quietly cleared my throat. "We were just on our way to join everybody." My eyes flicked to Jacob for confirmation.

"Are you sure?" she asked him. "Cause it wasn't on purpose, Jake. I was just passing by."

Though he appeared annoyed, he smiled. "Bella's right. We were just headed over there."

"If you say so …" She crossed her legs then uncrossed them. "But first, you have to come with me to the bathroom, Bella."

Hooking her arm with mine, she began to tug me away. I dawdled, about to turn my head back to see him, but before I could, Leah huffed, yanking me forward in a rush and hollering, "Meet you at the fire, Jake!"

She was rattling on about who had hooked up with whom and how wasted certain individuals were as we scurried past people, vehicles, and trees on our way to find some acceptable form of cover, but I could care less.

I had thought I was over Jacob; with all my heart, I tried to be. Then I realized with an aching sureness that I wasn't. Not by a long shot. But once I saw that cocky grin on his face after he had spoken to Seth, all I could hear was Emmett's voice in the back of my mind warning me against being _stupid_.

_"You have to decide right now how_ _you're going to let girls treat you."_

Emmett had been talking to Jasper at the time and we were only in grade school, but it was a sound piece of advice, and I had gotten the message too.

The door to being with Jacob had been just about to close, and—stubbornly—I had been just about to let it.

While I guarded the tree Leah was squatting behind, she casually asked, "So what was going on back there?"

My feeling was that if Jacob and I had made it to the fire without saying another word to each other, we probably never would—at least not on any level I would ever be happy with, let alone, satisfied. I knew this, and I was panicking inside as we moved forward, but I didn't know how to stop us. So when _he_ interrupted that progression on his own, I completely caved.

Now we were …

_What were we?_

Choosing not to speculate, I said, "Nothing really … he just gave me an apology for what happened between us."

"It looked like he was giving you more than that."

Though she couldn't see me, I rolled my eyes. "He wasn't. I was just accepting his apology."

Twigs crunched and crackled underfoot as she wandered out from behind the large misshapen tree, slapping a low hanging branch out of her path. She poured liquid sanitizer from a small bottle into one of her palms, slipped the bottle into her back pocket with her free hand then washed the sanitizer throughout her hands. "It looked like you were accepting more than that," she teased, using the same contradictory tone.

"Well, I wasn't," I snapped testily. The innocent comment wasn't meant to make me feel ashamed and embarrassed, but it did. I spun around and started back to the party.

Hurrying along side of me, she laughed then joked, "Somebody's thong is twisted."

I ignored her, making myself hurry.

She matched my stride. "Hey … what's wrong?" Now her voice sounded concerned. "I thought you'd be happy to be back with Jacob."

"I'm not _back_ with Jacob," I spat. "So just … shut up about it." I didn't turn my head to see her reaction to my unusually hostile outburst, but I assumed she was caught off guard.

Deep inside, I did want to get back with Jacob. Except, I didn't want everyone to know it was what I had wanted. I didn't want him to know it was what I had wanted. Telling Seth had turned out to be a colossal mistake.

"Bella," Leah said. I looked back and forth from the ground to directly ahead of me, paying particular attention to where I was placing my feet rather than paying attention to her. "Bella," she said again, her tone the forceful urging of a caring best friend. "What's wrong? What did he say? What happened?"

Needing to unload my frustration, I abruptly stopped walking and faced her. "I'm just so damn angry at him, Leah …" It was difficult to explain it to her when I could barely make sense of it myself. I paused. Taking a deep breath, I blew it out extra slowly. "Actually, it isn't even him I'm angry at." I managed to admit. "It's me. I'm angry at myself because I'm not angry at him. Not as angry I should be—as angry as I'd like to be."

I really wanted to be able to forget that he heartlessly dumped me with no good reason and just be his girlfriend again. But I also wanted to be strong, as strong as I would have wanted another girl in a similar situation to behave, and have the guts to walk away without looking back.

"I wish …" I reached for the words. "I wish I didn't want to be with him anymore. But at the same time, I can't let go of him, either. I don't want to give him up, Leah. Does that make any sense?"

"After Sam—" she made a choking noise— "It makes more sense than you know."

"I can't let him think that he could dump me whenever he feels like it without any consequences. I just can't."

She looked at me sympathetically, and I could see that she more than understood. "Look, Bella, you don't have to decide anything tonight. Make him sweat a little. Shit, make him sweat a lot if that's what you think he deserves. You have every reason, and if he doesn't understand that you need time then … too bad."

I tossed around the notion of making him sweat as I dropped behind Leah to let her lead the way. The longing and the truthfulness in his eyes when he'd said he missed me made it clear that the ball was in my court, but I'd never known Jacob to play those types of games. According to Emmett, _there were just too many hot girls out there._

Thinking out loud, I muttered, "Jake's never been the kind of guy to chase a girl."

"Not usually," she replied.

Jacob had a crowd of friends surrounding him when we got back to the bonfire and I was still stressing, so I hid myself amongst Leah and the girls from La Push. Though we locked eyes through the crowd several times, he never made any attempts to approach me, nor I him. Maybe he needed some time too.

At one point during the party, Leah nudged me. "Look at that skanky whore!" She exclaimed, her eyes narrowing in disgust as several more obscenities spilled from her mouth. She had developed quite a tongue in Chemawa and her attitude was a lot more brazen then before she had gone away; living independent of her parents for those months seemed to have hardened her.

I turned to where she had indicated and saw Lauren and Jacob standing together.

"First she tries to burn my brother … now she wants my cousin? She better get away from him before I go over there and drag her ass away … by the _hair_."

At first, I wondered if Lauren might be trying to get back at me for going to the holiday dance with Seth until I realized that almost nobody knew about me and Jacob. I wondered what else she might be up to. Lauren being Lauren, I didn't put it past her to be hitting on him, but I couldn't see Jacob being interested in someone as high maintenance and fake as she.

Besides, all they were doing was talking. "He's a big boy. I'm sure he can handle Lauren."

"He doesn't know that she's the Lauren who broke Seth's heart."

"Just leave them, Leah. Jacob will figure it out." I looked away, trying to be mature and sensible about the situation. "He's not stupid."

"Bella … he's a _guy_," she contradicted.

And Lauren knew how to play them. Seth hadn't even been immune to her manipulations. I shuffled my feet to a position where I could see the two of them better, then pretended not to be watching.

In the five to ten minutes they'd been talking, Jacob kept smiling, ,and she kept playing with her hair. It made absolutely no sense to me how he could stand her for _any_ length of time. They had nothing in common, and her conversation was always so self-centered and so petty.

I annoyingly heard the answer in my head. _It's a guy thing_.

Then, Jessica, a part of Lauren's entourage, who had been standing near them and chatting with some friends moved into position. She took a big step backward. The hard bump she purposely flung sent Lauren colliding into Jacob. It was a well-executed scheme.

_Oh God._

Lauren latched on to him as an attempt not to fall but in reality was probably a disguise to cop a feel and end up in his arms. Jacob staggered, his hand on her back, taking her with him a few paces before catching himself upright.

From where I stood, I couldn't see their expressions, but I could see his hands gripping her elbows. The positions of their heads made me think that they were staring into one another's eyes. After all, Lauren was very beautiful.

I scowled. The urge to punch her expanded inside me like a fragile balloon, ready to rupture all over _Miss. Wannabe Center of Attention._

"I'm going over there," slipped from my lips a little too angrily.

Jake belonged to me. He was my Jacob. Maybe we weren't together at the moment, but so what.

I stormed toward them to bust up their little soiree with Leah close on my heels.

Advancing, I cheerily said, "Hello, Lauren." I was grinning wide and not caring how phony I sounded.

Leah inserted herself in the group containing Jessica, Angela, Eric, and Ben who were still standing directly behind Lauren. Leah's posture was rigid, and although she wasn't facing our direction, she was very aware of the conversation about to take place between Lauren and I.

As for Jessica, Leah and I liked her. She made us laugh and was always friendly and nice to people whenever Lauren wasn't around attempting to corrupt her.

Lauren seemed to be standing right in front of Jacob's face. I stepped close beside him. "Are you having a good time, Lauren?"

"A great time," she replied, batting her lashes at him while barely acknowledging me with a slight turning of her head. "Jacob was telling me he won the Regional Championship this spring, and now he's on his way to Nationals."

I could have kicked myself for not having congratulated him on it yet; Lauren didn't know the first thing about boxing.

"I'm really happy to finally meet you, Jacob, and proud to be able say that I personally know Jacob Black, our own local boxing hero."

"Thanks," he replied with a flattered grin. "Same here."

Filled with jealousy, I unexpectedly seized Jake's hand. "Thanks, Lauren. I'm really proud of him too."

"Oh," she squeaked, backing away a little … and not a half a second too soon. "You two?" she questioned, eyeballing Jacob for the answer instead of me.

"Yes, me and Jake," I possessively snapped, remotely considering how he would have responded if I had given him the chance.

She laughed. It was a mocking gesture.

Surprising me, Jake lifted our intertwined hands to his mouth and pressed a soft kiss into my skin. My tension eased as I looked up at him.

His eyes were on Lauren. "For months."

He stated it so casually that _I_ almost believed him.

She skewed her eyes in skepticism. "Really..." Her voice was annoyingly sweet as she dropped her gaze from Jacob to me and said, "Funny … I never realized you were into _guys_, Bella." She glared at me with a vindictive smirk on her face.

"Bitch," Leah hissed.

The noisy party conversations had lulled to whispers.

A quick survey of Jake and I noticed he was a little stunned at the moment as well.

"Just _this_ guy," I bit back.

Clenching my fist, I tried to smile the rage away. I ached with a passion to hit her—hit her hard. Emmett and Jasper had taught me how to throw a solid punch a long time ago. I wondered about them. Were they among the nosy spectators, watching us in anticipation of a catfight?

"Who'd have thought?" Another phony laugh made its way from Lauren's forked tongue. "Anyway, Jacob Black, it's been nice talking to you, too bad it couldn't last."

Her expression was that of _it'_s_-your-loss_ as she turned, head held high, and meandered away. It was almost admirable, how well she handled being snubbed, but girls like her rarely acknowledged rejection, if ever.

"Sorry, Bella, I didn't know," Jessica said. "Lauren gets like that sometimes." Her eyes deflected to Jacob, "Especially when she doesn't get what she wants."

Once Jessica departed, I didn't have to see Jacob's face to imagine his lips were pursed, probably muffling laughter. I was well acquainted with his sense of humor. I flicked my arm up and whacked him on the chest with the back of my hand without even looking at him.

"Shut up," I warned, feral anger being replaced with mortification. I had literally been about to physically assault another girl because of him. I never realized I'd dare do such a thing. To make matters worse, Jacob was a witness to it all. Burning in humiliation, I spewed, "I should have just let you hookup with her!"

Racing back to Emmett's car, the party was the last place I wanted to be. I had to get away from there. I was making a public fool out of myself.

"Bella!" Leah yelled.

Refusing to turn around, I sensed that someone was trailing me. By the thud of the steps, I knew it was Jacob.

"Bella, wait up," he called out.

"Leave me alone, Jake," I demanded. His fingers brushed my shoulder, beckoning for me to stop. I yanked my shoulder away, forging ahead. "You can't keep doing this to me."

He grabbed my sweater. "Just stop, Bella."

Raising my voice, I whirled around and shouted. "I don't understand you, Jacob. I don't know what you want, what you're doing. Why can't you just say what you're feeling for once?"

He tossed his head back, appearing appalled, and his expression angered. "Say what _I'm_ feeling?" he echoed, contentiously. "You haven't exactly been a neon billboard yourself, you know? Why don't you try being honest for a change?"

I was about to open my mouth to argue, but honestly, what was there to say? He had me.

Concealing my feelings from him had become second nature. I had done it for so long, half of the time I probably didn't even realize I was doing it anymore. I slipped my hands into my sweater pockets, wishing I could hide in there with them. I wanted to disappear. "Go away, Jake."

"I'm not going away until you give me an answer," he said. "_My_ feelings haven't changed, Bella. I want to be with you and I think … you want to be with me too. If you don't, just tell me, and I'll leave you alone." Looking as if he was relieved to have gotten that out, he swallowed. Averting his eyes, he added, "No big deal."

I hadn't any thoughts coursing through my brain that could help me open up to him. Nor could I find the strength or the wits to simply say yes or no. Tears moistened the corners of my eyes. I turned away.

Then he touched my shoulder somewhat firmly, an insistence of attention, and when I looked back up at him, he drew me close and kissed me. It was soft, slow, and expressive.

His touch was filled with self-assurance. The motion of his mouth was filled with honesty. I loved that his behavior was without reluctance or confusion or awkwardness. He had always been that way. He was that person who knew exactly who he was, where he was going in life, and how he was going to get there. This was the Jacob I'd fallen in love with; the Jacob I couldn't resist.

After he kissed me and I kissed him back, he took my hand in his and led me back to the party. No more words seemed necessary. The only other thing that was said between us before we rejoined the group with our hands clasped was for him to ask, "Is everything okay?" and for me to tell him that it was.

I hadn't been capable of meeting him halfway to makeup—or to even come to a decision, for that matter—I was too tentative and too distrusting. Therefore, he crossed the divide for me, and the way I felt as we kissed is what made me decide.

It was insightful on his part that the party-crowd was the best place for us to be together as opposed to being alone together. It took most of the pressure off and helped us ease back into something more familiar with one another and more comfortable.

Jacob carried on so naturally with me at his side and, if I wasn't reading him incorrectly, acted not only glad but almost proud to have me there, and I felt the same way.

Pride was a sour pill to swallow, but Jacob's kisses were sweet, and I was looking forward to tasting his lips again later during the night.


	18. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

**_Bella_**

When he at last decided to surface, Jasper sauntered toward us, grinning. "Jacob … dude, it's good to see you finally home."

"Jabbing Jazz Swan," Jacob said, greeting Jasper the way guys do, with a hand shake and a fist bump and some other gestures that ended just shy of a hug. He tipped his chin at Jasper. "Where've you been hiding yourself all night?"

Jasper made a sour expression, suggesting he didn't want to talk about it. He switched the subject. "What the hell they been feeding you guys in Chemawa, giant pills? Seth too … he gained at least another inch on me."

"Ah, you're coming along just fine … except for this …" Jacob gibed, reaching out and ruffling Jasper's golden-brown locks. "Better be careful or pretty soon you won't be able to fit that mop into your headgear."

Jasper laughed and shrugged. "Guess I'll just have to braid it then."

When the pause in their conversation came, Jasper asked me, "Where's Emmett? I came to check on him to make sure that he's sobering himself up by now."

"I don't know where he went." I had been searching the crowd for Jasper and Emmett throughout the night. When I didn't see either of them, I became a little worried that maybe Emmett got angry because Jacob and I were together, and maybe Jasper was somewhere with him, trying to keep him calm. I mentioned it to Jacob, but he pointed out that if Emmett had seen us together and was upset about it, we'd know it, no holds barred, and that Jasper wouldn't have been able to calm anything down. "We saw him earlier from a distance. He was with Quil and Embry, but that was a long time ago," I told him.

"Embry? I just saw him." Jasper pivoted and pointed. "He's in that car over there."

Using one of his arms, Jacob made slow wide waves at the vehicle. The door swung open and Embry climbed out. He stalked over to us.

"Do you know where Emmett went?" Jacob asked.

"Yeah, he and Quil headed out with some blondes we met. They were looking for you before they left. They wanted you to go with them. Then they tried to take me, but I had my eyes on someone else already." Embry took a quick look over at the car he had exited. "He said he'd catch up with you later."

"Did they say where they were going?" I asked.

"Nope. Those girls weren't from around here. I think they had a boathouse or a rental cabin or … a tent or something." He shrugged.

_Tent? Gross_.

It baffled me how easily strangers, a lot of them who were girls, found their ways to our local gatherings.

Not much later, the party-crowd began to steadily disperse, leaving a nice quiet ambiance. The air stayed gentle and warm and the clear sky was sparkling festively. The only problem was Emmett still hadn't resurfaced, and he had the truck keys.

We were sitting on the ground along with a few other small groups of people, next to the fire pit that was surrounded by a ring of boulders built for protection. The bright pyramid had lessened to the size of a well contained campfire. Low rolling flames lifted and slithered, licking at the dark remains.

Jacob caressed little designs into the palm of my hand while we chatted and laughed with Leah.

Slouching, Jasper sat quietly on a small stump, barely smiling if someone said something funny. He chucked a rock into the fire, impacting the flaming bundle hard enough to cause a puff of glowing red embers to scatter into the air. "Emmett better show up soon. I'm tired, and I'm ready to go. I knew I should have taken the keys from him."

Jacob placed his arm around my hips, scooting nearer to me. I cuddled up against him.

Tipping his shoulder, he gave me a nudge. I turned my head, lifting my chin. Oh, how I had missed those striking features. Lowering his head, he placed a subtle, mouth-watering kiss on my lips that raised my temperature and made me wish we were alone. Staring into Jacob's beautiful dark eyes afterward, I casually replied, "He knows we're out here. He couldn't have just forgotten about us."

"Yeah, well, he was drunk, you dummy," Jasper spouted irritably, catching me by surprise.

He had been in a cranky mood ever since he had appeared. Maria was the only person with the ability to affect my typically outgoing and even-tempered brother that way. She was the controlling type and didn't like when Jasper showed he had a mind of his own. I didn't think she appreciated Jasper attending a party without her and, presumably, had done her best to make sure he didn't enjoy it. Jasper was too nice of a guy to be with a girl as skilled as she was in the arts of persuasion and control. There were all kinds of guys who vied for her affection; she didn't need _him_, but he was in love with her.

I was about to tell him to shut up and to stop taking his miserable relationship out on us, when Jacob intervened, tightening his grasp around my hips. "So he met a girl … He'll be back. He's probably parked somewhere nearby or held up in one of those hotel rooms on First Beach."

"Passed out," Leah grumbled. "I say we try to find another ride to Uncle Billy's before it's too late and everyone we know is gone. I didn't even recognize half of the people here tonight."

She had a point; there were just a few familiar faces left.

"Emmett will have a freaking heart attack if we abandon his baby," Jasper warned, sulky sounding.

Indignant, Leah snapped, "So what? He abandoned _us_, and his truck is a piece of crap!"

Emmett drove a used older-model extended-cab pickup truck. Because of the rough exterior, it wasn't much to look at, but it was his first vehicle, there was room enough for six, and he paid for it all by himself.

Mike Newton and Tyler, another boy from school, were collecting empty beer cans and bottles that were littering the ground and placing them into a pile for easy morning-cleanup, a clear signal that the party was over.

More motors revved to life.

"I'll have Embry take you guys back to La Push if you want," Jacob offered. "But I'm staying." He glanced at me from the corner of his eye.

Recognizing the invitation, I eagerly volunteered to stay with him. "I'll stay too. I'm sure he'll come back soon. His truck may not be anything special, but Jasper's right. It is his baby. "

Jasper made a disgruntled groan. "Me too … I'll be in the truck, though. This could take the rest of the night." He stood up and stretched, yawning. "I'm tired as hell."

"I guess we're waiting then." Leah pouted. Moping, she rose to her feet and followed Jasper away, complaining, "I stayed sober for this?"

Several vehicles had formed a mini caravan on their way back to the highway. The area was practically empty. I watched Jasper and Leah as they climbed into Emmett's truck which was parked on a bank, only about half the length of a football-field away. It appeared to be a lot closer now that there was nothing left between it and us.

Mike brought out a shovel from the back of his truck and began throwing dirt on the fire to put it out. The fire crackled and sizzled, letting off hefty clouds of smoke.

"Do you know that guy?" Jacob asked, getting to his feet.

I stood up beside him, dusting off my rear. "His name is Mike Newton. He's one of our recent High School graduates."

Jacob lifted his voice. "Hey ah … Mike, is it?"

Mike quit shoveling and approached us questioningly. "Yeah?"

"I guess we're going to be here for a little while longer. If you don't mind, we'll make sure to put the fire out before we leave."

Mike stared at Jacob distrustfully without answering. Jacob added, "We're waiting for Emmett to pick us up. You know him, right?"

Mike ran his hand over his mouth and turned his head, glancing over his shoulder at Tyler and a few others who were still standing around. He glanced at me then looked back at Jacob. "Yeah, I know who _Emmett_ is," he answered, patronizingly.

A corner of Jacob's mouth lifted, conflicting with the anger that appeared in his eyes and, although he was relaxed for the most part, his posture vaguely tightened. "So you know we'll put the fire out when he gets back then."

Mike let out an artificial chuckle and asked, "Have you been drinking, dude?"

"Have I been _drinking_?" Taking offense, Jacob's irritation unmistakably surfaced. "Hey, man, is this even your property?"

I didn't know why Mike was acting like such an asshole, but if he kept it up I intended on asking him just that.

"It's not my property, but it _is _my home a mile south of here. I'm not about to trust some half-shot guy that I don't even know, who probably doesn't give a rat's ass what happens beyond the reservation line. I don't care how many fights you've had."

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Jacob said, straightening up to his full height. He was so tall and broad and built compared to Mike. Since Mike was the State's Senior Football Athlete of the year that said a lot about Jacob's body. It was _very_ nice.

My attention was directed to the shovel Mike was holding when he slightly lifted it, and if he wasn't frightened by Jacob's facial reaction to the provocative movement, he should have been.

I hastily hopped in front of Jacob, confronting Mike and angrily asserting, "We'll take care of it!"

Mike lowered his eyes at me. Neutralizing my voice, I told him, "I'll make sure the fire is out. It's already dying by itself anyway. You know _me_, Mike, and you know my family and you know you can trust us."

Mike stared at me long enough to give me the impression that he knew better than to make eye contact with Jacob again.

"All right, Bella" he said. "I'll leave the shovel here for you." He released the shovel, letting it thump on the ground and stomped away.

"What a douche," Jacob concluded. He sneered as Mike, Tyler and the last of the partiers piled into his jeep, spotlighting areas of the night when they backed around to find the dirt path that led to the road. "Way to protect him, though," he said out of nowhere.

I couldn't decide if he was being serious or sarcastic or what he even meant by his remark.

"Mike Newton. Now let's see … didn't you go out with him before?"

The question was irrelevant, so I totally disregarded it, instead explaining. "I wasn't protecting him, Jake. I was protecting _you_."

"Me?" He smirked. "Oh yeah, the shovel … right." He casually lowered himself back to the ground, making himself comfortable in the trampled grass beneath our feet.

I sat down beside him. "Not because of the shovel. I just didn't want you to get into any trouble if you like … broke his face or something." Guys like Mike tended to run their mouths once in a while, yet when they couldn't back themselves up, they were the first to complain to the authorities. And Mike had unquestionably been about to bite off more than he could chew.

"Wow, fighting over me and protecting me all in one night," he teased. "I should be flattered."

Curious, I asked, "Aren't you?"

He studied me, his eyes thoroughly tracing my features as if he was taking in everything about me. Seizing the moment, I leaned to kiss him. "Very flattered," he whispered against my lips as our mouths touched.

Sinking deeply into the kiss, I pressed against him, becoming a little self-conscious as I felt us slowly beginning to recline. Leah and Jasper might have been watching. Jacob removed one of his arms from around me to keep us propped up, and I gathered that that hadn't been the idea.

Sensing tightness in his lips, I quickly realized his mouth was less giving than it had been at first. Something was wrong. I was certain of it before the kiss waned and Jacob let go of me.

Opening my eyes, we parted. I stared at him quizzically as we adjusted ourselves upright.

No longer comfortable, I fiddled with my hair.

"Bella, before anything more happens … I've got to tell you something important, and I hope that you'll understand."

I wasn't in the mood to wast any more time on the past or to hear any other reasons for our breakup. "Don't ruin it, Jacob," I muttered, biting at my lip and shrinking away from him when I noticed the amount of dread he was exhibiting on his expression and in his body language.

"I don't want to … but I have to get this out tonight, Bella … and better late than never."

Willful and frowning, I crossed my legs, loosely in the style of meditation, propping an elbow onto my knee and resting my cheek against my fist to avoid looking at him.

His acceptance to the aversion was short-lived. "Would you look at me, please?"

Grimacing, I had to force myself to comply. Hooding my eyes as my head rotated toward him, I asked, "What is it, then?"

"All it is, Bella, is that … I'm not going to be around here for the rest of the summer, and I thought that I should tell you before we did anything more."

"What?" I blinked as his words sunk in. "You're going back to California?" It was the obvious conclusion.

He nodded.

I wasn't sure what I had expected him to tell me, but it wasn't that, and the revelation sort of shocked me. "No, Jake." I practically wined, briefly thinking that he had to be joking, yet asking, "When?"

"Two weeks. I promised my dad that I'd give him the same amount of time that I spent with Mom every summer."

I was stunned that he would work so hard to get me to forgive him only to come back a little while later with _this_ and with such lousy timing on top of it. But then again, I would have hit the roof if he had broken the news _after_ we had made out.

"I'm sorry, Bella, but I really thought I was making the right decision when I asked to go, and now … I don't know what to do … because of you." He sucked in his breath and let it back out loudly, his shoulders slumping. "I want to stay here with you at the same time."

"Jake," I said, my tone chiding. "You couldn't have mentioned this to me any sooner?" After everything we had gone through earlier, I felt messed with somehow.

"Why? Would it have made a difference in you being here with me now?"

"I don't know, but you should have told me, anyway."

"I never had a chance. We were surrounded all night. This is actually the first real opportunity that I've had."

That was true. "Okay, I'll give you that, but _why_ do you have to leave?"

"It's not so much that I have to leave _here_ as it is that have to _go_ there." He attempted to explain. "Billy and I … No, scratch that. This is pretty much all me. I honestly believe that I wouldn't have made it through to Nationals if not for the time I spent in California last summer. The training there was just so much better for me, Bella."

"But you can't know that for sure. You're really, really good, Jake, and such a hard worker. You probably would have won anyway."

He pressed his lips into a tight line, taking a moment to consider. "Maybe so, but I don't want to risk it. I've been working toward this tournament since I can remember, and I'm expecting each fight to be tougher than tough. I want this Championship so _bad_—" he balled his hands into fists, his forearms flexing— "my knuckles hurt … I know that if I don't do absolutely _everything_ within my power to succeed, I'm going to wish I did, because Regionals is cake compared to Nationals."

"There's got to be another way, Jake." I tried to argue. "Jasper once told me that Old Ben is one of the best coaches out there and that he was one of the most talented and greatest fighters of his time. How did _he_ do it? If he's such a great coach then I don't understand why you need to go somewhere else to be able to win."

"The coaching's not the problem, Bella. It's the lack of worthy sparring partners. My teammates are good, but I've been there, done that. I'm not learning anything more training with them. And as far as good competition goes, around the state—the rest of the guys in my division aren't any better." He leaned back on both of his hands, crossing his long legs at the ankles, focusing on the fire. "Besides, Ben's a bad example. I mean, he _is_ a great coach, but he's not such a great role model for me to follow."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Did anyone ever tell you that story about Leon Spinks?" he asked, turning to look at me. I shook my head. "Well, Leon Spinks was this Light Heavyweight Champion boxer of the 70s. He fought his way to the 1976 Montreal Olympic Games and brought home the Olympic Gold. One time, when they were just amateurs about my age, Coach met up with him at a minor boxing event." He smiled." Coach Tko'd him early in the second round. I heard from some of the elders who actually witnessed the fight that he stopped Spinks easily. Just think about it, Bella. Old Ben fought this _talented _and _successful_ boxer and he _beat_ him, _easily_." Jacob appeared in awe of his words. "That's how good Ben was … Leon Spinks went on to take an Olympic Gold Medal, turn professional, and even fought against Muhammad Ali a couple of times, winning once. And Ben? Well, he went on to coach us."

"But was that because he never left Washington to train elsewhere?" I asked, doubtfully. He was getting through to me, but I couldn't stop myself from arguing about it.

Shaking his head, he said, "Nah … that was actually because of _Tia_." Whether Jacob meant it or not, he had spoken Tia's name with dislike. "They fell in love, got married, and had kids. Before he knew it, all his priorities had changed. Once his life became about working to support his family, there wasn't any more room in it for boxing … Whenever someone asks him why he never fought in the Olympics, he tells this lame story about being afraid to fly in airplanes back then: 'I never would have made it out of the U.S.A because I was so afraid of flying that my plane would have crashed, and I'd be dead.'" Jake rubbed his temple tensely, a ghost of a smile surfacing. "It's actually kind of funny."

I didn't think I liked what I was hearing; Jacob was blaming Tia for Ben's decisions. "So, are you saying that Ben falling in love and having a family was the mistake of his life?"

"Not at all. I'm just saying that he could have waited. I mean, he's got to wonder what it would have been like for him if he'd have put everything he had into boxing. If he had let that be his main focus, at least long enough to see how far he could have taken it. Even I wonder what it would have been like for him."

Jacob's aspirations had always been clear, but I was discovering a little more about what actually drove him.

He repositioned himself. "There's never been a shortage of promise and potential in La Push. People there just don't know how to use it. Sometimes I think that being our own Sovereign Nation is almost a detriment. We're a little country within a big country. We're living in a world of our own out in La Push and people get stuck there ...Take Sam for instance. Last year, the University of Washington offered him a _full_ track scholarship to sprint for them. He didn't even last one semester away from the Rez. How pathetic is that? People get stuck, and still, they go around happy as clams. I don't want to be one of those wastes of potentials, getting sauced—like Billy used to do—and bragging to their kids about their glory days."

Because I cared about him and loved him as much as I did, Jacob didn't have to work so hard at making his point, despite what he may have thought.

Silence interrupted our debate. I twirled my hair, biting my lip and staring into the fire. It was barely glowing, but what was left looked healthy.

Jacob had claimed he didn't know what to do, but it sounded like he knew exactly what to do. Numbness settled over me as I accepted that he had to go. No matter how much I hated it or how much it would hurt, he truly had to go.

Surrendering out loud, I sadly mentioned, "That won't ever happen to you because you're different, Jacob, and I think that regardless of where you go or who you train with, you're going to _be_ successful … but if you want to go, then go."

I didn't think I had spoken with any animosity—if I did, I didn't mean it—but Jacob responded by saying, "I suppose you're _pissed_ at me now."

The tone he used stung; I wasn't a bitch, after all. "I'll admit, I'm not happy with your decision, but I'm not mad." I could never have been. "It's not like I can convince you to stay, anyway."

His eyebrow cocked. "You don't think?"

I didn't think, but it was nice for him to imply it. I gave him as much of a smile as I could offer through the sorrow that followed the acceptance. "Thank you," I said.

"For what? Ruining everything, again?" His face was long.

I craned my neck and touched my lips to his cheek to show that he didn't ruin anything by being honest. "For making me understand. You're so much better at communicating than I am."

He laughed then licked his lips. "Is that your way of telling me that I talk too much?"

I grinned. "It's my way of telling you that I'm sorry for the way I acted tonight." I didn't always know what he was thinking, but he did try harder to express himself to me more than I ever did with him, and calling me out on it had been an eye opener. He'd never given me a reason to think that he would purposely hurt me. But for some reason, I was always preparing for that outcome. "What you said before, about me not being honest, was true. I guess I'm just not a very trusting person, and that's not your fault. I haven't been very fair to you."

"Well, I didn't communicate with you when it _really_ counted and screwed things up _royally_ because of it. But that's over now, so I'm sorry too. If I can help it, I'll make sure something like that doesn't happen between us ever again."

We fell silent, the two of us transfixed on the smoldering heap. It wasn't an uncomfortable atmosphere just a quiet one. "So … what's next?" he eventually asked.

Wondering about that for an instant, I softly sighed. "Well … I suppose we make it the best two weeks that we can possibly have."

Jacob reached behind his neck with both hands, clutching at the back of his nylon, button-up collared shirt and stretched it over his head. He was wearing a plain t-shirt underneath, but it rose along with the other one, allowing me a great view of his narrow, well-toned waist and incredible abdomen before he tugged the shirt back down. "I'm hot," he innocently stated.

I couldn't help but to laugh at his phrasing. Puzzled, he stared at me before he caught on and cracked a grin. "Funny, Bella."

"You said it. I didn't, but I have to agree."

He put his arm around my shoulder; I curled into him, and he kissed a place above my eye. "I can't believe Emmett's not back yet. I'm wasted. I've been up since six-o-clock this morning … yesterday morning, I mean."

He rolled his shirt into a ball and lay back using it as a pillow. Spanning his arm, he invited to me to join him. "I got a better idea. There's an old quilt in the truck. After what happened with Leah last summer, we came prepared this time," I said, as I hopped up to go retrieve it. "Plus, I'm really thirsty."

"Do you have something to drink?" he anxiously asked. "I could really use a thirst-quencher myself."

At the top of the bank, I examined where we had been sitting, realizing how good of a view Leah and Jasper had of us from inside the truck. We would have only appeared as dark shadows to them, but it was easy enough to get the picture. As far as privacy, that awareness watched over us like a chaperone.

Snuggled together on the shabby old quilt, which we had spread near the heat when we returned, we attempted to behave as discreetly as possible. It's not like we could have hid behind a tree or the truck, or some other place out of their sights, because that would have been too obvious.

More than once, though, immersed in passion, I discovered Jacob's hands brushing areas beneath my shirt; if I didn't control him soon enough, he'd freeze, exhale in frustration, and glance up at the truck, reminding me we weren't alone. Eventually, we just got really tired and Jacob fell asleep.

I lay on his shoulder with my arm flung across his chest, listening to him breathe, and trying to memorize every detail that was Jacob. His clothes smelled of smoke, but the skin of his neck smelled masculine and nice. The muscles on his arms appeared thinner, slacked. Completely relaxed and resting, he looked so innocent-teenager like but that wasn't the case. The skill of his mouth and hands and subtle way he nibbled on my jaw and neckline, making me want more was evidence enough. Not that it had come as a surprise or was even disturbing for that matter; this was just another facet of Jacob that I think I had already known.

Closing my eyes for a time, I didn't realize that I had drifted off until the wild sounds from the woods drew open my lids. Not wanting to disturb him, I crept out of Jacob's embrace and surveyed the area. The fire had died and all that was left was smoke.

The night had taken on a blue overcast, a sign of dawn approaching.

Without the fire, cold made its presence very noticeable. Trembling, I zipped my sweater then attentively placed Jacob's nylon shirt over him to keep him warm. I was considering going to the bathroom when echoes of movement sounded in the trees, along with strange squawks and growling noises.

The loud ruffling seemed to grow more prominent while I poked at the fire with a branch, trying—of no use—for a rekindling. The ash was hot but the wood had been completely exhausted. I heard a disturbing crunch and stilled my movement so that I could pay better attention. It wasn't safe to be in the wilderness without a deterring blaze.

Straining my eyes, I attempted to see into the trees, but it was too dark and shadowy. It may have been my imagination, but I couldn't be certain we weren't being stalked by something ferocious.

After the commotion subsided, I lay back down, nestling into Jacob for warmth when another major episode of cracking branches set the hairs on my arms on end. "Jacob, wake up," I whispered, sitting up and pushing on him with my fingertips. "Wake up, Jake."

"Hmm." He didn't open his eyes.

"The fire's out … and I think there's something in the trees."

He stirred, lifting his lids partly, but they quickly fell closed.

Raising my voice a little louder, I repeated his name, continuing to shake him, and was relieved when he finally showed life.

His eyes were bloodshot and tired. He rubbed them then stretched, sitting up and hugging himself. "It's cold," he said. He began creating friction with his palms against his arms as he observed the surroundings, gawking at Emmett's lonely truck. "Fuck, I can't believe he actually left us here all night long."

Sweater or no sweater, the cold morning moisture had me wearing goose bumps and shivering.

"Why don't you go sit in the truck while I use the shovel to kill this thing for sure," Jacob suggested.

Leah made room for us, climbing into the front seat with Jasper.

Though it was a little warmer resting in the backseat, it wasn't any more comfortable. The seats were plastic and stiff and the area was tight, but I felt safe enough to doze.

Dreaming of strange ferocious animals and flowers, black houses, and green murky water, I never quite made it into a deep sleep. Muffled voices endeavored to invade my semiconscious state. A door slammed, I thought, but my eyes were too heavy to open. Gripping the quilt up and over me and Jacob, I continued to watch the images behind my closed eyelids.

Then a loud obnoxious bang on the window jerked me out of Jacob's arm.

Emmett was staring at the four of us, grinning annoyingly. Lazy to move, I slowly reached for the outdated handle and manually cranked the window down.

"Rise and shine," he said.

"Shut the hell up before one of us smacks you," Jasper quietly mumbled.

Jacob stretched his legs out as much as possible and shifted; he was really out. Gradually, he rolled his head in Emmett's direction.

Emmett's eyes enlarged. I wondered whose arms he'd thought I'd been in.

"You finally made it," Jacob tiredly muttered, taking his time opening his eyes. "It's about damn time too."

Emmett chuckled and incredulously revealed, "I must have been so blank last night that when I left I could have sworn Bella was with ..." He stopped talking and shook his head, "… crazy."

Hearing that remark, it amused me that Emmett initially thought Jacob had been Seth. I rolled my eyes. _Like Seth and I would ever be cozies together_. Emmett was dumb.

Opening the front door, he slid inside as Jasper scooted over next to Leah, who I was sure was awake, but probably too angry and too tired to pay him a sliver of attention.

Emmett turned the ignition, and the old-timer roared with enough zest any owner would have been proud. Placing his arm behind Jasper on the back of the seat, he turned and looked at us, _really_ looked at us then he said, "So … back to your house, Jake?"

Jacob answered, "Yep."

As we drove away, Jacob folded his arms around my waist, tugging me so that the back of my head was resting against his chest. I tilted my head back, lifting up my eyes. Smiling, Jacob bent his head and gave me a peck on the forehead.

**A/N** _I hope you enjoyed the update. It was a little long but there was a lot of information about the characters that pertains to future events. Also, information given by Jacob about Leon Spinks were facts, according to Wikipedia, but the rest of the Ben's story was my imagination, of course _=D


	19. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

_**Jacob**_

Huge thuds carried across the wooden floor of the stage, coming from each fist Emmett slammed into the heavy-bag Paul was holding for him. The heavy-bag station and the speed-bag station were setup on opposite ends of the stage.

Clenching my hands—sheathed within leather speed-bag gloves—into fists, I started slow at first, giving the heavy pear-shaped orb right-handed jabs. I listened to the rhythm the bouncing leather made as it ricocheted back and forth between my fist and the square metal-base it had been dangling from.

Holding the tempo steady, I phased in my left fist and began alternating it with my right, increasing the pace with each and every exchange—attempting to block out all other noise but the rhythmic beat.

I was finally flowing with good speed and precision when for the hundredth time during the session, one of my jabs missed, interrupting the motion and leaving the black and red orb bobbing from its hook chaotically. _Shit._ I'd been having trouble focusing since the start of practice and was hardly maintaining a sweat.

The one-minute-rest signal beeped. Glad it finally did, I dropped my arms, feeling frustrated. I shook them out one at a time and followed that up with shoulder rolls. Then I walked in small circles, shaking out each of my legs, pacing and waiting for the three-minute bell to ding again. Skimming the main floor below me, I contemplated giving up the speed-bag and moving on to another activity that took less attention.

Seth and Brady were shadowing-boxing in the corners of the gym. Embry and Quil were tossing the medicine-ball back and forth as hard and as fast as they could. Coach was over in the area of the room we used as a mock ring, instructing Jasper and Jared as they sparred with each other. Sam and Collin were jumping rope in the middle of the floor with some little guys, teaching them to do it right. A few other men were lifting weights.

Eyeing the vacant exercise mats used for push-ups and sit-ups, I realized I wasn't up for body-work either. I decided to wait the rest of my speed session out, doing nothing.

Across from me, Paul's neck was corded and his sweat-damp face was stained with color merely from trying to keep the bag mobile for Emmett, which appeared to be a workout in itself. I smiled. Emmett _loved_ to throw power shots.

Watching him pound the bag, it occurred to me that it had been nearly two years since I'd last seen him fight. It had also already been a year since I'd seen any of the others in the ring. _Sure would be nice to see everyone box again. _It was another good reason to stay in La Push.

The interval buzzer sounded, and this time a lot of the guys grabbed their gear and headed out.

_No matter._ I didn't mind practicing alone in cases where a training partner wasn't actually needed.

There was no rigid practice-schedule set for our club members. We just knew Ben would be there to train us between the hours of five and seven, six days a week. The rest of it was up to us. If we came, we came. If we didn't, we didn't.

I'd gotten to practice an hour late. It was the third time in a row. Coach knew what I needed, so he immediately called me over to spar with Paul. Once sparring was out of the way, I continued working-out, but I was only going through the motions. I couldn't seem to get into it. I was just too _not-in-the-mood_ for practice.

Before practice, Bella and I had been at Second Beach, alone, and if I let my mind go there, which I did, we had been at second base as well. The memory made me grin.

This was only as exciting at this juncture in my life because it was Bella. At seventeen years-old, I was no stranger to sex. Though that wasn't what I had been aiming for in the first place. It was just that … in heated moments my hands sometimes got ideas of their own.

I was super quick to control myself. Our situation was difficult enough without complicating it any further by rushing sex into the mixture just because I was leaving or—more importantly—_because_ I was leaving it would seriously complicate everything.

It was necessary to drench my mind in that freezing reality whenever it seemed that she was just as into what we were doing as me, because then it became nearly impossible to put the brakes on.

I'd never been the pressuring type, and Bella was extra-special. She was too important to me to risk damaging our new relationship by attempting to go too far too fast.

If I stayed, who knew what would happen … and how soon?

That scenario was as troubling as it was exciting. On second thought, maybe nowhere near as troubling as it was exciting.

The bell dinged again.

I forced myself to the red floor mats and began knocking out sets of push-ups and sit-ups. Here, the only thing I needed to focus on was getting through the burn until I reached the desired numbers I was striving for.

We only had eight days left together, and I still didn't know what I was going to do. I hated to leave. Things had been going so great between us. I didn't want it to end.

And I had thought that she felt the same. But earlier, right before I dropped her off at home, she made a point of telling me that she didn't want to carry on a long distance relationship once I left.I didn't know what to think about that.

I was so surprised that I just sort of nodded slowly and said, "It's up to you."

_What the hell?_

But then again, what else was I supposed to say?

It was obvious she didn't trust me anymore, which was a crock of shit, because what happened between us the last time wasn't _totally _my fault. I wondered how big of an argument we'd get into if I brought that up.

Arguing would be such a waste of time. If I stayed, there wouldn't even be a need to argue.

I realized I'd lost count when my abs started screaming for mercy. Stretching my arms over-head and pressing my back flat against the mat, I let the pain ease before tackling another set.

All during practice my mind was stuck on repeat, thinking about what we had been doing, thinking about what she said, thinking about staying, thinking about leaving, thinking about losing, and just plain thinking about her, and losing. I couldn't allow myself to lose. I _had_ to win.

I might have been able to get on board with the idea if she had at least told me why…

_She_ might have been able to tell me why if I'd at least asked … or if my _big_ heavy foot wouldn't have slammed down on the gas pedal so quickly once she'd shut the door and stepped away. I didn't even recall saying goodbye to her. I glanced back through the review mirror and she was just standing there—staring.

_A dick move_, I shouldn't have behaved that way, but under the circumstances, I wasn't in the greatest of moods at the time.

I understood where she was coming from a little bit. Long distance relationships just didn't last. Maybe that was reason enough for us to break it off. Another guy might have jumped for joy to have a clean breakup with his girlfriend before he went away, no strings attached, and no blame because it was _her_ idea, to boot. If it had been another girl, _I_ would have been the guy to jump for joy.

But it wasn't another girl, it was Bella. She was once again a part of my life, and I wanted to keep it that way. I didn't want to let her go again.

Perhaps this was some kind of ultimatum. Her way of getting me to stay?

How much sense did that make? Because when summer ended, we'd be right back in the same boat, facing a breakup.

I stopped to rest my abs again. I was half-assing my workout and I knew it. Flipping over, I rapidly knocked out another couple sets of pushups, trying to earn a decent sweat.

She had seemed pretty serious about her decision. I didn't doubt it was what she truly wanted. Was it even fair for me to try to convince her otherwise? I mean, I was the one choosing to leave after all. Maybe I didn't even have the right to disagree with her.

Sections of yellow overhead lighting darkened, dimming half the room. Quickly completing my pushups, I got to my knees, reading the clock. It was five past seven, the rest of the guys were entering the hallway that lead to the locker room.

Old Ben was retrieving gloves, ropes, hand-wraps, and other training materials and setting them inside a plastic tote he was carrying around with him.

Practice was over.

I wanted to go back to Forks to see her, just to be with her some more. Make up with her if we were fighting, since I wasn't sure. What I didn't want— was to think about us breaking up any more.

Was it necessary for me to force the issue with her? I didn't think so. Thinking it over for a day or two more was probably the best bet anyway.

Feeling a sudden burst of energy, I jumped to my feet and guzzled down the rest of the water in my squirt-bottle then rolled the mats and took them to the corner where we stored them. I decided to help Ben clean up before I showered. The tribal community board got hairs up their asses if we didn't keep the building tidy.

Without looking at me directly, old Ben's raspy voice asked, "You feeling all right today, Jake?" He was on his way to collect the training gloves I had forgotten on the stage by the speed-bag.

"Yeah, I'm feeling great," I said, catching up so that I could carry the tote up the steps for him.

"You didn't look so great during that final round," he went on to say as I took the container from his hands. "You let Lahote work you into the corner fairly easily tonight and even let him give your coconut a good pounding before you showed up in there."

I stifled a laugh. "It didn't hurt."

A drop of his jaw-line emphasized disappointment before he looked away and started up the stairs. I had pretty much just pissed on the fundamentals he'd been teaching me for years. I should have known better than to take his concern so lightly. "Keep your hands up and protect yourself at all times," I recited. "Sorry, Ben. I won't let it happen again."

He bent down and picked up a hand towel that was lying beneath the heavy-bag then slowly shuffled toward the curtains to pull them closed. "You got something going on with you, son?" he asked. Then, informing me as if he was telling me something I didn't already know, he said, "because your head wasn't in it tonight. Your body was here, but you—you were somewhere over in … cuckoomonga for all I know."

I couldn't tell if he'd said Cucamonga that way on accident or if he actually believed it was the way it was pronounced.

"Nope, nothing." I headed to the storage area that was hidden behind a set of folding bleachers at the back of the stage.

Along with his eyes, the weight of his question pressed on me the entire time.

Feeling guilty, I sifted through the plastic box in search of a heavy rope, deciding to stay awhile longer and give him a little more effort since it had been that obvious.

Now that he was asking, I _was_ curious to know what he would think if I didn't go back to California as planned. Spotting my favorite jump-rope, I dug it out from the bottom of the barrel then slid the box behind the bleachers, ready to talk. "Coach, you know how we decided training with a bigger boxing club would be better for me?" I began to explain as we reached the bottom of the steps.

Glancing at me, he interrupted and asked, "Who did?"

"Ah … _we_ did," I replied, motioning with my hand.

When it appeared the conversation didn't register to him, I reminded him of exactly what he had said. "It was in the locker room in Mesquite after I lost. You said you won Regionals your first time there because so many boxing clubs existed back in your day, and that down south the training was better because the clubs were bigger and there were more competitors to develop … your skills …" I trailed off, confused when he shook his head.

"Is that really why you're going to California, son?" His tone was one of disbelief.

"Yep."

"I'm really sorry to hear that. I never meant to give you the impression that that's what you needed to do to be successful, Jake."

"What do you mean?" I scratched my sweat-damp scalp as he clarified the conversation from his point of view.

"I was talking about myself in that instance, Jake. I was telling you how _I_ took the Regional championship back then. Remember now, my advice to you was to develop more _physically_ and there would be no stopping you.

"See, Jacob, your greatest strength is your ability to figure out your opponents. Pick them apart so to speak. You can analyze them early, adapt quickly, and counter them efficiently. And that, son, is a skill that can't be taught _anywhere_. It just comes naturally for you."

Dubious of his assessment, a corner of my mouth curled. While I appreciated the superhero vote of confidence, I worked hard in that ring every single time, and it was never that easy. "You make it sound like I can't lose."

"The potential to lose is always there. What I'm telling you is this: I don't care if you fight twenty different-style boxers between now and Nationals. Come tournament time, your opponents are all going to be new to you, and you're still going to have to pick them apart and give them everything you've got."

"So you're saying that I don't need to go?"

"I'm saying that, while I can't guarantee you'll take the whole damn thing, I can guarantee you that whether you stay here or go South—if you put your heart into your training and into your level of fitness, you're going to do great."

"Well then, how come you didn't mention this to me before?"

"You didn't ask what I thought, and I wouldn't have wanted you to. It's not my place to tell you what to do, because what you believe will work best for you—_will _work best for you." His eyes narrowed and his expression took on a more serious cast. He glared at me sternly. "But you _can't_ cheat yourself during practices. I can't stress that enough, Jake. You're going to run into individuals just as talented as you are, and you _need_ to be physically ready.

"I had an agreement with Coach Garrett that I would keep you in tip-top shape this summer. But after what you've been showing me this week, I'm not so sure I can. So we passed the buck. We had a conference call with the training manager down there, and they're expecting you. Looking forward to having you, too—seems they got one of their own attending Nationals this year. Kid by the name of Alec, I believe."

"I know him," I said, anxiously. "He's a Super Welterweight. We sparred quite a bit last summer. He went toe to toe with me every time. He's tough."

Alec's uncle Caius was the club's owner and one of the coaches. Alec's father was this rich guy named Aro, who had huge aspirations of becoming the next Don King. For a rich kid, who probably got everything handed to him on a silver platter, Alec was a hard worker and a true competitor.

Ben reinforced his beliefs. "You're talented and you're driven, son, and as long as you stay focused—no matter where you are—you're going to find success."

"My girlfriend said the same thing pretty much." Showing him the rope in my hand, I told him, "I know what you're saying, Coach, and I'm going to jump rope for about thirty or forty minutes, maybe run some laps before I call it day."

He looked pleased. "Let me know if you need me to make another phone call. If you change your mind about leaving, that is."

While I unwound the heavy-rope, he asked, "Girlfriend, aye? I thought that was where you've been hanging out."

"Where's that?" I asked, wondering what he thought he knew.

Laugh lines appeared on the fragile skin near his eyes, coinciding with a mischievous smirk. "Like I said before 'cuckoomonga.'"

Before I had a chance to respond in any way, he turned, jiggling the building keys in his right hand and repeating with quiet laughter, "cuckoomonga."

His boots clicked along the old asbestos-tile flooring on his way across the gym. I always wondered why he wore cowboy boots to practice.

Eyes focused straight ahead of him, he muttered something, and he did it so quietly that I barely heard him say, "Hanging out in cuckoomonga so much might not be the best idea."

Whether he had meant for me to hear him at all wasn't clear.

_He ought to know, _and he just had to remind me of it as soon as I thought I had come to a decision. "Ben," I said loudly. "Were you really afraid to fly in airplanes back then?"

Pausing in his steps, he answered me without looking back. "Still am."

"But you flew to Mesquite last spring to watch me fight in the championship."

"And I'll do again," he said surely, resuming his steps.

I grinned; he was just like my grandpa.

After he left, I didn't even last ten more minutes. My stomach started grumbling, and well, I had to eat, didn't I? Quickly coiling the rope back up, I decided to call Bella, tell her that I was sorry, and ask her to come out with me. I figured a few more days in cuckoomonga couldn't hurt.

Once I hung up the phone, I realized everything Ben had said was true.

I also realized I'd never be able to concentrate on boxing as long as I was close enough to spend time with Bella, as long as there was somewhere else I'd rather be, something else I'd rather be doing.

Bella had the potential to become my biggest obstacle, and the worst part of it was—at the moment, I didn't care.


End file.
